On Death & Dying

I remember a guy who told me about his mother being a real hypochondriac. She was always had something she was sure to die from. Instead she drowned when she fell out of a boat. Point- you never really know for sure what will get you in the end.
My mother was a bit like that. She was healthy -no meds at age 70, died of stroke at 70. She was a chronic worrier and had just found out my dad had aggressive lung cancer. He died a year later, a rather painful death.
I knew a woman who took care of her sick husband, she was healthy, until she died of a heart attack, leaving him behind.
Hope can keep us alive sometimes better than medicine. Perhaps we should stop wondering what Will get us in the end, and focus more on our next breath?
 
Faye Fox said:
I simplify don't understand all this discussion about hospice and such in Marie's case. I think some of y'all must have stock in funeral homes and/or crematories.

I have yet to know anyone that can read a biopsy report before it is even done or know what a PET scan will reveal. The topic is death and dying, but so far there is no concrete evidence that Marie is going to be the first to become a silent keyboard here on SOC.

No one knows who will log out first and final here on SOC, and in light of our ages and that many of us have seen younger seniors die, I think while making reasonable plans for our final days is good, it shouldn't be hastened with imagining our diseases are going to be fatal, until we know that for fact.

Statistics show that nearly all women will get breast cancer by age 100 and men will get prostate cancer by age 100. The thing to consider is that several here have already been through those cancers and are still with us. If those cancers strike again when we are in our 90s, many will choose to die without treatment, other than for pain, knowing that time is short anyway.
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I think we are all just thinking out loud. Options, vague thoughts. Just the word cancer hits like a ton of bricks. While waiting for the dust to settle, thoughts happen. Hospice can give some relief IF it is needed. We added our two cents at the idiocy of the medical industrial complex not getting Marie in to see the specialists she needed.
My son-in law was diagnosed with multiple myaloma , a bone cancer of the marrow, over 12 years ago. That cancer killed my first business partner, long ago, but SIL is still kicking and working from home. I know of a few friends surviving cancer. They are not just sitting around waiting to die. They have their good and bad days.
My husband came up to me out of the blue and said, 'I know what we can do when my time comes.' When your time comes for what? When I may need a nursing home and we can't afford it. He said he was watching a video where there were robots who can be human care takers. Uhhmmm... I don't think so or not quite yet.
But he saw it and it may be available in the future if his time doesn't come too soon. Just more thinkin'.
 
Mary Stetler said:
I think we are all just thinking out loud. Options, vague thoughts. Just the word cancer hits like a ton of bricks. While waiting for the dust to settle, thoughts happen. Hospice can give some relief IF it is needed. We added our two cents at the idiocy of the medical industrial complex not getting Marie in to see the specialists she needed.
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Exactly. The thread topic is death and dying, so that's what we're talking about. I think these discussions often lead to hospice, burial plans, getting affairs in order, etc. None of us want Marie to give up and we have all been trying our best to support her and Jake as they navigate the frustrating medical system.
 
I have given some thought to death and dying. There was a time when I was twenty-seven years old that I faced death. I had a tumor in my uterus as big as a grapefruit. They would not know if it was cancer until it was removed. I had bled so much that the doctor couldn't do surgery until my blood was built back up. I took iron tablets for months. I was extremely weak. During that time, I faced the fact that I might die. I had three children under ten years old. I worried about who would raise them if I died. I did get the hysterectomy and recovered eventually.

I have had a good life; my children have grown up and are good people. "I have had my ups and downs, but life has been kind, the downs have been few." There have been many blessings.

I'm not afraid of dying. There are two possibilities. It will either be the ending of a story or the beginning of a new story. I will be sad if it's the ending of a story but not afraid. If it's the beginning of a new story, well, we'll see. ☺️
 
Shirley Martin said:
I have given some thought to death and dying. There was a time when I was twenty-seven years old that I faced death. I had a tumor in my uterus as big as a grapefruit. They would not know if it was cancer until it was removed. I had bled so much that the doctor couldn't do surgery until my blood was built back up. I took iron tablets for months. I was extremely weak. During that time, I faced the fact that I might die. I had three children under ten years old. I worried about who would raise them if I died. I did get the hysterectomy and recovered eventually.

I have had a good life; my children have grown up and are good people. "I have had my ups and downs, but life has been kind, the downs have been few." There have been many blessings.

I'm not afraid of dying. There are two possibilities. It will either be the ending of a story or the beginning of a new story. I will be sad if it's the ending of a story but not afraid. If it's the beginning of a new story, well, we'll see. ☺️
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At 27 I too had 3 children under 10.Mine were 6,7 and 8, almost 9.
 
Nearly every other forum and thread here is about living, so I thought we could use one on dying, since it's our future, while understanding that it is not the entirety of our future. We still have living to do, but I don't believe that anyone over the age of 60 or 70 is oblivious to death, either their own impending death or that of so many people around them. Not everyone is comfortable talking about death, and I get that, but others might appreciate the opportunity to say the things that are on their minds anyhow. Having lost two of my four full brothers, nearly all of my aunts and uncles, and so many other people who have been important to me, most of them in the last decade, it was on my mind. If we don't bog it down with specific health complaints and treatments, which can be discussed in the health area, I think this can be an important thread to many of us.
 
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I really worry about Jake being here alone, like I said it takes emergency services about almost hour to get here if he hurts himself which he does mow and then doing things like changing engines working under vehicle's and clearing trees.
He said he doesn't want anyone here ,not that many people you can trust.
Plus missing me and depression, he isn't taking this good at all.

Both our familes are 100s of miles away busy with life.
 
Marie Mallory said:
I really worry about Jake being here alone, like I said it takes emergency services about almost hour to get here if he hurts himself which he does mow and then doing things like changing engines working under vehicle's and clearing trees.
He said he doesn't want anyone here ,not that many people you can trust.
Plus missing me and depression, he isn't taking this good at all.

Both our familes are 100s of miles away busy with life.
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We have no families but two mothers. One is completely out while the other one selects her out times. Two sisters waiting for us to go. One asked how much will be in it for her.
Jake will do what Jake does. You have no friends, neighbors, church folks to look in on him?
 
Hedi Mitchell said:
@Marie Mallory - we all will do our best to help Jake in whatever we can.
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Marie Miller said:
We have no families but two mothers. One is completely out while the other one selects her out times. Two sisters waiting for us to go. One asked how much will be in it for her.
Jake will do what Jake does. You have no friends, neighbors, church folks to look in on him?
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Our children and grands will keep in touch and look out for Jake. They help him and me and just being here is a big help.
 
Hedi Mitchell said:
I remember a guy who told me about his mother being a real hypochondriac. She was always had something she was sure to die from. Instead she drowned when she fell out of a boat. Point- you never really know for sure what will get you in the end.
My mother was a bit like that. She was healthy -no meds at age 70, died of stroke at 70. She was a chronic worrier and had just found out my dad had aggressive lung cancer. He died a year later, a rather painful death.
I knew a woman who took care of her sick husband, she was healthy, until she died of a heart attack, leaving him behind.
Hope can keep us alive sometimes better than medicine. Perhaps we should stop wondering what Will get us in the end, and focus more on our next breath?
Click to expand...
Ever heard of the hypochondriac who only wanted one word on his tombstone: "See?" 😄
 
Ken Anderson said:
Nearly every other forum and thread here is about living, so I thought we could use one on dying, since it's our future, while understanding that it is not the entirety of our future. We still have living to do, but I don't believe that anyone over the age of 60 or 70 is oblivious to death, either their own impending death or that of so many people around them. Not everyone is comfortable talking about death, and I get that, but others might appreciate the opportunity to say the things that are on their minds anyhow. Having lost two of my four full brothers, nearly all of my aunts and uncles, and so many other people who have been important to me, most of them in the last decade, it was on my mind. If we don't bog it down with specific health complaints and treatments, which can be discussed in the health area, I think this can be an important thread to many of us.
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I have to agree that this thread is a necessary and certainly appropriate for a seniors forum.

I don't have a fear of dying, but do have a fear of dying in pain. I think about at least a half dozen times that had anything been different for a second, I would have died.

Doing geology work with a drilling outfit, I was struck on the side of my hardhat by a 300 lb overshot, when the old operator fell asleep at the controls and was pulling the overshot, when it came out of the bore hole and swung freely outward and hit me. It knocked me unconscious and I lay in the snow for a few minutes before regaining consciousness. Just and inch over would have broken my neck. It just glanced off the side rim of my hardhat and that was enough to cause the 8 point safety suspension band in the hardhat, to push with such force, it knocked me not just down, but unconscious. I still suffer shoulder pain from that accident and it was the cause of inward bone spurs in my neck that required surgery. I don't whine about it, because death was just millimeters away.

Another time was hauling a load of supplies up to a remote ranch. I was chained on all four and the hill was solid ice with the top beginning to melt. I almost made it to the top, when the truck started sliding backwards. It stopped with the rear end hanging over a steep cliff that was 60 feet to the bottom. It felt like it was teetering. I stayed in the seat with the side door open, waiting for the courage to jump with enough force to clear the truck. Without my weight on the drivers side, it would go down. One of the ranch hands was headed into town in a 4 wheel drive chained up with cleated chains. He put his pickup partially in the mountain side bar ditch, and then threw a loop with his longest lariat under the front bumper and quickly made it go up and grab the big towing hook. Luckily he was a skilled healer, @Cody Fousnough, the one that catches the back legs of a running steer in roping. He was able to pull the truck I was driving across the road into the bar ditch.

On one of my days off, doing geology work for mining companies, I went in to the local mining and industrial supply company, to shoot the breeze and have coffee with friends. The owner says to me, that he has a load of dynamite going up to a mine. He knew I had a valid commercial drivers license, endorsed to drive such. He was unable to go and his driver was sick. I said yes. I was almost to the top of the hill when his almost new GMC truck over heated and the transmission caught on fire. I secured the park brake, put in the lowest gear, and then I couldn't get the door open on the drivers side. I was feeling the heat when I got out the rider side door and started running, only to fall. I got up enough to half stumble run far enough away before the dynamite caught on fire. I knew dynamite burned HOT, but wouldn't explode unless there was something to cause a concussion. The truck melted down to just a ball of aluminum and steel. It was hard to tell it was even a truck.

There are several other times, of close calls, but I survived and these incidents remind me of how easy it is to die.

The thing is with old age, we know it is coming, and sooner than later. There is nothing we can do to prevent it. We can take measures that put it off, but someday, it is going to happen. I want to die in my sleep, peacefully and never know. Unless some other disease or incident out bids it, cancer has its claim on my demise.

Cancer is a natural old age process, and nothing more than good cells coping an attitude and going rogue. The trick is to keep these cells with rogue tendencies, inactive or in remission. I talk to the rogue cells daily. "Don't make me come down there and put a whipping on y'all. I won't count to three, I will just do what is necessary to make y'all unhappy. I'll shrink you little hooligans into nothingness."
 
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I'm with Samuel Goldwyn, the big time figure in Hollywood's golden era, who said, while having a bad day on the set, "If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive".

Words of infinite wisdom.
 
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