Hospice Just Delivered Everything

Marie Mallory said:
Thank you Don. The doctors saw enough on the bottom Xray to know the origin of the cancer has to be incurable because of my age and the fact it has spread and basically since it already did so much to the spine. I have a couple knots on my head that is not normal one on my forehead.
I'm not sure if I'm excepting it or just in a phrase right now.
Jake is having a hard time with it, although we both got some sleep last couple nights.
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My first husband and I were soul mates. When he died, I could still feel him and talked to him. I am sure you will be with Jake after you are gone too.
It is OK to cry.
 
Marie … I’ve known you since the old S O , and I’m lost for words….🤗🤗reading this post :cry:

There’s is a huge much respected cancer research centre in Adelaide C B D , they have a lottery twice a year to raise money for further research into this horrible decease , I buy a $100 ticket and every time to assist in this much needed research ….in the hope they will find a cure before to long .
The huge building is nicknamed the cheese grater ….because it looks like one
 
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@Marie Mallory, while I understand your decision to go into hospice rather than continue a painful fight that you don't believe you can win... no, that's not true because, to truly understand it, one would have to be there, so perhaps accepting that whatever decisions you make are the right thing to do. It's difficult to know what to say but it's hard on everyone who has known you, even in the limited manner in which we can know you through an online forum, and even that seems hollow and trite, because it's not about us: it's about you, and it's about Jake. When you say that you don't know how to act or be now, I think that's how we all feel. We all live the lives we have as long as we have it, knowing that our time here is not forever.
 
Ken Anderson said:
@Marie Mallory, while I understand your decision to go into hospice rather than continue a painful fight that you don't believe you can win... no, that's not true because, to truly understand it, one would have to be there, so perhaps accepting that whatever decisions you make are the right thing to do. It's difficult to know what to say but it's hard on everyone who has known you, even in the limited manner in which we can know you through an online forum, and even that seems hollow and trite, because it's not about us: it's about you, and it's about Jake. When you say that you don't know how to act or be now, I think that's how we all feel. We all live the lives we have as long as we have it, knowing that our time here is not forever.
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Ken I was hoping you would comment, since you deal with this kind of thing more so than mowst of us.
 
Marie Mallory said:
Ken I was hoping you would comment, since you deal with this kind of thing more so than mowst of us.
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In these situations, it is difficult to know what to say. On the one hand, everyone who knows you, at whatever level, wants to be here for you, yet we don't know how to do that. We deal in words here, while realizing that our words don't mean as much as we'd like them to. Nobody wants to say the wrong thing, yet saying nothing can be the worst thing, and our words aren't going to change anything as far as the eventual outcome goes. We don't know you in the way that Jake knows you, or others around you might know you, but we love you in the manner in which we can.
 
Kate Ellery said:
Marie … I’ve known you since the old S O , and I’m lost for words….🤗🤗reading this post :cry:

There’s is a huge much respected cancer research centre in Adelaide C B D , they have a lottery twice a year to raise money for further research into this horrible decease , I buy a $100 ticket and every time to assist in this much needed research ….in the hope they will find a cure before to long .
The huge building is nicknamed the cheese grater ….because it looks like one
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I understand and this isn't an easy simple thing to discuss for anyone. I do appreciate all of you and realize how hard it is to dwbate.
Hope I'm making sense.(y)
 
Ken Anderson said:
In these situations, it is difficult to know what to say. On the one hand, everyone who knows you, at whatever level, wants to be here for you, yet we don't know how to do that. We deal in words here, while realizing that our words don't mean as much as we'd like them to. Nobody wants to say the wrong thing, yet saying nothing can be the worst thing, and our words aren't going to change anything as far as the eventual outcome goes. We don't know you in the way that Jake knows you, or others around you might know you, but we love you in the manner in which we can.
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You here are very helpful just being here and I think this site helps many of us in many ways, and a blessing.
Now I'm wondering about Hospice and if there is something we need to know since I jumped into it so fast without really finding out much about the program.
 
Marie Mallory said:
You here are very helpful just being here and I think this site helps many of us in many ways, and a blessing.
Now I'm wondering about Hospice and if there is something we need to know since I jumped into it so fast without really finding out much about the program.
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Marie--as @Faye Fox said, the most important thing is to make sure you have a formal diagnosis and prognosis, and that your doctors sign off on hospice. Typically the hospice organization should know whether you are "eligible" before they ever consent to take your case, so I feel there's a piece missing from the story.

Of course you and Jake don't need to share every detail of your situation but we are all curious and we truly want the best for you both. Navigating medical treatment can be a real nightmare and it seems the medical community has failed you in some way.
 
Beth Gallagher said:
Marie--as @Faye Fox said, the most important thing is to make sure you have a formal diagnosis and prognosis, and that your doctors sign off on hospice. Typically the hospice organization should know whether you are "eligible" before they ever consent to take your case, so I feel there's a piece missing from the story.

Of course you and Jake don't need to share every detail of your situation but we are all curious and we truly want the best for you both. Navigating medical treatment can be a real nightmare and it seems the medical community has failed you in some way.
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Thanks to yall here I can ask question's that need to be asked, otherwise I may not think of it.
My panic attack were under control when I could work and be outside clearing vines and picking up tree limbs. Now I can't so the mental thing is not always good.
Jake is a man and th4ey can't take things like this as well as us women, Although he is doing great ,this is a new experience for him too.
 
Marie Mallory said:
Thanks to yall here I can ask question's that need to be asked, otherwise I may not think of it.
My panic attack were under control when I could work and be outside clearing vines and picking up tree limbs. Now I can't so the mental thing is not always good.
Jake is a man and th4ey can't take things like this as well as us women, Although he is doing great ,this is a new experience for him too.
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I don't believe most people realize how hard it is on the spouse. Just imagine if the situation were reversed, and how helpless you'd feel. Jake is a good man and I'm glad you realize that he is suffering, too. It is hard on everyone who loves you.
 
Beth Gallagher said:
I don't believe most people realize how hard it is on the spouse. Just imagine if the situation were reversed, and how helpless you'd feel. Jake is a good man and I'm glad you realize that he is suffering, too. It is hard on everyone who loves you.
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I do realize and also worry about him when I'm gone who will take care of him, he has smoked for over half a century too.
He said he won't be able to handle it if something happens, I know most think this way, I just try to tell him its not his time and God will help him.
 
Marie Mallory said:
Thanks to yall here I can ask question's that need to be asked, otherwise I may not think of it.
My panic attack were under control when I could work and be outside clearing vines and picking up tree limbs. Now I can't so the mental thing is not always good.
Jake is a man and th4ey can't take things like this as well as us women, Although he is doing great ,this is a new experience for him too.
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There is some very good medication for panic attacks, Marie. They can help calm you. You should ask about getting some. Not only will they help keep you calm, but it will help you get some much needed rest. A lot of people have to take something when they are going through a medical crises because it is a lot to absorb. You can ask your hospice team or doctors about it. It will also help keep you totally chilled and calm, if you decide to get a PET scan or any other tests or treatments. Jake may need something too because he is feeling very anxious and depressed about everything also.

We care about you and Jake.
 
Mabel Baker said:
@Marie Mallory , I am so sorry to hear. I am fairly new here and trying to get to know everyone. I don't post much, because I am new. Just wanted to say I care.

You are so very brave in your decisions and your attitude. I know what Jake is going through also. My husband is on his 2 (spread )cancer.

Hugs.
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Thank you Mabel and sorry about your husband, this is not easy for us or yall. 🙏 Also, welcome'again' to SOC.
 
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