General Humor

Under the kilt​

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off a large amount of whisky at a local pub. He felt quite sleepy and decided to nap against a tree.

As he slept, two female tourists heard his loud snoring. When they found him, one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."

She boldly walked over to the sleeper, raised his kilt, and saw that he wore nothing at all. Her friend said, "Well, the mystery is solved! Let's thank him for sharing!"

She took off her pretty blue hair ribbon and gently tied it around the Scotsman's endowment. A while later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature. He raised his kilt and was bewildered at the sight of the neatly tied blue ribbon. He stared for a minute, then said, "I don't know where ya been laddie... but it's nice ta see you won firrrrst prrrrize!"
 
A woman wanted a parrot, husband said no, they cuss and do bad things.
One day in the pet shop she saw a parrot, ask them if the parrot cussed or did bad things, man said no you pull up left leg and she sings, pull up right leg and she talks.
She buys it takes it home, husband said I told you no parrot, they cuss , she told him this parrot is not like that, told him about pulling legs,
He studied the parrot ,then ask what would it do if you pulled up both legs?
Parrot replied, 'I'd fall on my ass you silly son of a .......
 
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