How Much Loyalty Does A Friend Owe You?

Discussion in 'Not Sure Where it Goes' started by Missy Lee, May 15, 2017.

  1. Missy Lee

    Missy Lee Well-Known Member
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    I would like honest opinions on whether I am making too much of a big deal over something. I am a big girl and can take criticism.

    The house next door was bought by a couple that are the neighbors from heck. They are professional home flippers, they come in and buy up properties where the owner is hard up and fix it up to sell after doing a shoddy job. Buyer beware.

    They don't like me and I certainly don't like them. I have been forced to report them on several occasions for things like at least 37 piles and counting of dog poop, we never had a rat problem but do now as they pile up rotted wood from building. Retribution for reports results in 4 floodlights shining in my bedroom window at night.

    They and their friends block others driveways and are well known for parking directly under a No Parking sign. He put up a string last fall to show where he thought the property line should be and caused me to take a bad fall as the string was covered up with leaves. I went down hard breaking my glasses in the process and got a very bad sprain.

    When their son comes over he gives me the finger. I hate to admit it but I responded in kind.

    I ignore them now, so do the other neighbors. But here is my question. My neighbor on the other side of me who I considered a friend is now going out of his way to talk to them. When asked about it he said they have nice friendly dogs and he likes dogs. So I said that I guess I take second place to a dog LOL

    I feel hurt that he would cozy up to them knowing all the problems they have caused me. He says I should try to make friends with them.....not going to happen.

    Worse, I can see him shortly taking the shortcut with his dog cutting across my lawn to visit with them. His dog will pee on the way on my lawn and I have extensive landscaping that I worked hard on.

    Am I being a drama queen?
     
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  2. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    No you're not !
    I would be hurt too
    I've been hurt in the past as I'm very loyal but loyalty is so hard to find as well as 'true' friendship
     
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  3. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    That sounds like a nightmare, @Missy Lee. I can't imagine living like that, my BP would be way up high.
     
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  4. Missy Lee

    Missy Lee Well-Known Member
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    The only up side is that sooner or later that construction will be done and the home will be sold and hopefully there will be good neighbors.

    The bad side is that whoever buys the place is in for a rude shock, the construction is shoddy, these people have done other homes in the park and the new owners have to pay a heavy price and put an ad out for Mike Holmes to the rescue.
     
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  5. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Is the dog loving neighbor who I think it is @Missy Lee?
     
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  6. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Looks like you're in a bind...would you tell the new people before they buy that it's crap? You do want new neighbors though...

    Glad I'm not you right now, Missy! Feel for you though.
     
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  7. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    Flipping the guy off only adds "fuel to the fire", but you already know that. Just hope the people that move in are nicer than they are. As far as the "loyal neighbor" goes, just like you, he makes friends with whomever he wants to. Don't like his "loyalty", just stay as a friendly neighbor who simply says "Hi" when you see him. As far as his dog peeing on your landscape goes, nicely ask that he reroutes himself.

    Now we all know why people buy/live in homes with some acreage. Neighbor is a mile or so away.
     
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  8. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    My neighbors are fairly decent, haven't had problems. We all watch out for each other and help. My neighborhood app is great...lots of issues are resolved before they even can happen.

    This was posted a few days ago, the party was this Saturday and I didn't hear a thing...she is a few houses away from me.


    Hello all, My daughter is having her 16th Birthday Party at our home on Jon Drive. There will be girls and boys listening to music in back yard basketball etc. I have already taken the steps to research the noise level so we do not disrupt our neighbors to much. Party is 6:00-11:00 Music will be cut off at 10:00. If there is a problem please give me a call. I will address the problem please do not call the police as it is legal to have parties as long as they are not disruptive.
     
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  9. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    Nice neighbours Chrissy
     
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  10. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    I'm sorry you have had so many problems with these inconsiderate and rude "for the moment" neighbors @Missy Lee. I can also see how you would feel hurt over your other neighbor making friends with these people after all they know you have been through with them. It may hurt to have the neighbors you thought were your friends "betray" you, but they do have the right to make their own choices in this even if you don't agree with their choice. Maybe it's a good thing you found out where "loyalty' stands with the neighbors you thought were your friends...as now you know their definition of friend and loyalty seems to be different from yours. And you won't have to feel bad if you have to tell your "friend" neighbor not to cross your yard with his dog to go visit the "for the moment" neighbors. Remember whatever you decide to do, that the "for the moment" neighbors will move on and out of your life, while the other friend neighbor will still be there and though you can't maybe trust their loyalty...you might want to keep things on friendly terms with them so there will be peace where you live after the ones who are destroying that peace move on.
     
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  11. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Senior Staff
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    I totally agree that they are not being good neighbors at all, @Missy Lee , and you certainly have reason to be upset with them. However, it seems like reporting them and complaining only escalates the problems for you, and does not stop them from doing all of the things that are annoying you. As far as I can see, it is not benefitting anything , except for making police reports in the chance that you end up going to court with them for some reason, which (hopefully) is not too likely.
    Since they are only going renovate the house and sell it, you will not have them for permanent neighbors. I hate any kind of controversy, or arguments, and usually try to either resolve problems, or (if resolution is impossible) simply ignore it as best as I can and wait for it to go away.
    The people who have been your friends and neighbors are likely to remain there, and I see no reason not to remain friends with them.
    I know this is frustrating you, but I think that you should remain friends with your neighbors, and then try to get along with the people who are working on the house,even if only so they don't shine spotlights in your windows all night.
     
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    Last edited: May 15, 2017
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  12. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    As an introvert, I pretty much ignore anyone who doesn't give me a reason to be friendly. There are three houses whose occupants I consider to be my neighbors. I am friendly with the people in the house to one side of me, and to the man who lives across the street, but not so friendly toward the one on the other side of me.

    I mowed his small front lawn once shortly after he moved in because it was getting long enough that he was in danger of getting a letter from the town, and I thought that may not be the kind of welcome he was looking for. He made a big deal of it and insisted on paying me for it, which isn't what I was looking for, then he complained to my wife once about me snowplowing my driveway one morning. Well, I'm sorry if it disturbs him but not being able to get out of my driveway disturbs me too.

    I'd have done his driveway too if not for the fuss he made about the lawn. Instead, he pays someone to clear his driveway and oddly enough, the guy he hired borrowed my snowblower to do it once, then I refused to lend it to him again. I had thought he was borrowing it to do his own driveway, and had no intention of letting him borrow my new snowblower to clear my neighbor's driveway for pay.

    Anyhow, I don't much like the guy. I don't know that he's a bad guy, but he's strange and not particularly friendly, so I ignore him. I don't feel a need to be rude to him, and I'm sure that if he were to decide to say hello, I'd respond in kind. I don't expect that he will, though.

    In your case, I wouldn't be rude to the neighbor. I'd just ignore them. If they should decide to want friendlier relations in the future, I'd leave the door open.
     
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  13. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    I'm not friends with anyone in my neighborhood but I am friendly. I try to help if I can but I'm usually not around for all the neighborhood type things that go on like 4th of July, Halloween, etc.

    I'm never in Fresno on any holiday...for the most part.
     
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  14. Gloria Mitchell

    Gloria Mitchell Veteran Member
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    Getting back to the acutal question.....Missy Lee....your friend is trying perhaps to ammend the situation with being friendly. I probably would not like it either....but do not let this ruin your friendship.....otherwise the other side has won. ;)
     
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  15. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    I can completely understand your frustration with your ''friend and neighbour'' @Missy Lee , I would feel exactly the same, I hold great store in loyalty from friends and it's very upsetting when you feel that loyalty has been betrayed.

    However surely given that HE will still see you as a friend... why do you think he will walk across your lawn..and much worse allow his dog to pee on it?... That's not the actions of a friend surely?..if someone I thought was a friend did that, I'd know for sure they were not someone I'd want to be friendly with.

    No-one... walks across my lawn... except perhaps the postman..and that irritates me enough ..but obviously I don't say anything to him otherwise I might find my post being sent somewhere else..lol.


    Seriously tho'...do you think that your friend might be a little scared of retribution from the other family .. and is he just trying to prevent any trouble brought to his door by becoming friends with them, given all the hassle he's seen them put you through?
     
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