General Humor

A beautiful woman was standing on a crowded bus.
A young boy noticed her & immediately got up & offered her his seat.
The woman suddenly got furious & slapped the boy.
"Wow," said the boy. "These days, you can't even be nice to people."
Then he went back & sat on his father's lap.
 
So......a guy walks into a lawyer's office & says, "I need a good lawyer; I've been charged with theft."
The lawyer asks, "Can you afford to pay my fee?"
"No," he says. "I'm completely broke."
The lawyer frowned & said "Well then, how do you plan to pay me?"
The guy says, "I do have a beautiful classic 1967 Mustang."
The lawyer's eyes lit up. "Great." You can sell it or use it as collateral. So, what are they accusing you of stealing?"
"The 1967 Mustang."
 
I'll show you who is the boss!

I recently took over as the new CEO, of a large company and I decided it was time to get rid of the slackers immediately. I noticed a guy leaning lazily against a wall in a room full of hard workers. Seeing the perfect opportunity to show everyone that I meant business, I walked right up to him and asked, "How much money do you make a week?" A little surprised, the young man looked at me and said, "I make $450. Why?" I told him, "Wait right here." I marched back to my office, grabbed $1,800 in cash, and came back two minutes later. I handed him the cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay. Now get out and don't ever come back!" Feeling like an absolute boss, I looked around the room at the remaining employees and demanded, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goofball's job was around here?" From across the room, a quiet little voice replied, "He's the pizza delivery guy."
 
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