Alone At 85, Now What?

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Hal Pollner, Jul 21, 2021.

  1. Hal Pollner

    Hal Pollner Veteran Member
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    Forum members, I'm so thankful for your understanding thoughts and warm condolences!

    Judy was not seriously ill until about 3 weeks ago when she was hospitalized. She was then prepared for a chemotherapy port. I won't know the cause of death until I see the death certificate, but she was suffering from some kind of large, ugly tumor on her abdomen, with swelling of the legs and one hand.

    She was transferred with a hospital bed to our home about a week ago.

    Hal
     
    #16
    Last edited: Jul 21, 2021
    Faye Fox likes this.
  2. Betty Jones

    Betty Jones Very Well-Known Member
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    sorry to hear about your wife HAL --be strong
     
    #17
  3. Mary Robi

    Mary Robi Very Well-Known Member
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    My condolences, Hal.
     
    #18
  4. D'Ellyn Dottir

    D'Ellyn Dottir Very Well-Known Member
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    Aw, Hal, how sorrowful. May your time together and all the good memories be a blessing for you in the days and years to come.
     
    #19
  5. Hugh Manely

    Hugh Manely Very Well-Known Member
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    I'm sorry to hear of that, Hal. Prayers going your way.
     
    #20
  6. Faye Fox

    Faye Fox Very Well-Known Member
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    So sorry to hear this Hal! She was much too young at 77. That aggressive fast-growing abdominal cancer is just terrible. My condolences to you and your daughter and family.
     
    #21
  7. Sheldon Scott

    Sheldon Scott Veteran Member
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    So sorry to hear this Hal.
     
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  8. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    Hal, I am so sorry to hear that.
     
    #23
  9. Von Jones

    Von Jones Veteran Member
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    #24
  10. Hal Pollner

    Hal Pollner Veteran Member
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    Since my wife passed away yesterday, relatives have been busy finding "caregivers" to come in a few times a week for cooking, laundering, and general housekeeping. This is not the same as living with a wife.

    If I decide to move out of this paid-for, 2800 sq. ft, 4 bedroom, 3 bath, 3-car garage place and move to smaller quarters, this means I'll have to sell the house like I did over 50 years ago, when I remember how such moves were accomplished. I don't even know how to begin this transition today!

    When I sell this house, all the money from the sale will be clear profit for me.

    Do I pay cash for a smaller house? Do I buy an apartment? What about this "assisted living" you hear about?

    I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me!

    Bewildered Hal
     
    #25
  11. Lon Tanner

    Lon Tanner Veteran Member
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    Do consider assisted living like I have Hal. I think yo would really like it.
     
    #26
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  12. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
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    #27
  13. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Supreme Member
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    My advice is..... do nothing. Allow yourself time to grieve before you make any decisions. Wait at least six months, preferably a year, before you make any decisions.

    You might find that you can cook, do laundry and run a vacuum cleaner yourself.
     
    #28
  14. D'Ellyn Dottir

    D'Ellyn Dottir Very Well-Known Member
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    It's usually advised not to rush into any big decisions in the first 6-12 months after losing a spouse. It can take that long and more to settle legal and financial affairs of the spouse. Adding a move on top of that can be very hard.

    If you have family or close friends who can be objective and without agenda for you, take your time doing some research. One person to work with on this might keep the confusion and overwhelm to a minimum. If relatives are prone to squabble and be overbearing, it might be worth the cost to hire a personal assistant to get you through this transition.

    An assisted living place could be a good answer for you, but depending on location, you may encounter a waiting list for getting in. Having someone you trust not to rush you to go with you to get a tour of the places available can help making a good choice.

    There may be charities or companies that will come in a pack up stuff you don't want any longer, and dispose of stuff for you. As I learned when my mom passed, it's nearly impossible to sell furniture and collectibles, even antiques, at anywhere near their true value. If relatives don't want things, Goodwill will probably take what you can't or don't want to keep.

    Prioritize taking good care of yourself - mind, body, and spirit. Everything else can wait.
     
    #29
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  15. Lon Tanner

    Lon Tanner Veteran Member
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    At age 85--Why would he want to do those things himself?
     
    #30

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