When Friend Or Family Member Refuses To Understand

Ever had a friend or family member that refused to understand something you wanted them to understand? No matter how and why you are telling them, they simply refuse to understand.

My wife's older sister is exactly that way! Thing is, my wife likes "keeping the peace" so she doesn't say much or anything. To a point, I wish I was that way, honestly.

Now, the problem: As all of you know, it turns out that Henderson, Nevada isn't for us, for some excellent reasons (to us). After a visit to northwestern Nevada, we will make the decision to move there or not, but the odds are very in favor of us moving there. All we know is that we don't like desert living among other things. We both miss mountain wildlife, a much smaller population and slower lifestyle.

The older sister was totally in favor of us moving to Henderson, because we'd be closer to where she lives. BUT, she totally dislikes hearing that we want to move further away from her. She truly doesn't understand what we like or want. My wife has told me to not tell her anymore about us moving and move. Once we make the move, call her and tell her where we are.

Comments/Suggestions? And, not moving isn't going to happen.

 

Well, for one thing, Yvonne, we will be gone by this time next year. Our Lease will end the beginning of August. My wife never wants to spend time with just her sister. She insists on me being with her when she sees her. Guess that tells you the kind of relationship my wife has with her sister. They have totally, and I mean "totally" different interests. One of the big differences is that my wife loves target shooting and her sister detests firearms of any kind. While the older sister was spending time in church and with church friends, when they were younger, my wife was at their lake cottage having fun with her brother.

I can't change my wife's sister's personality and she sure can't change mine, but would love to.

 

So yet another thread where you ask for suggestions/comments, then reject anything anyone suggests. Got it.

 

I didn't reject a thing. Just simply told Yvonne how I felt and how my wife feels. She doesn't want to join in on any internet forum, so I have to say what she tells me. IOW, just like I told Yvonne, my wife is close to her older sister, but not nearly as close as she could be (and that's fine with her).

Just like the old girlfriend that my wife use to have, that I talked about in another thread. The girlfriend told me that I had to share my wife with her and my wife told me "isn't going to happen".

Actually, Beth, I remember telling you in an old thread that wife and I don't want any "me time" and you said something like you have to have that. Wife simply doesn't want to spend time with anyone without me being there. To me, that's fine. Heck, when she was getting a Perm, I was waiting right there for her when it was done. She thanked me for waiting. Now, when I get a haircut, she is working at home, but if she could, she'd be with me.

 

Very respectfully Cody, maybe ask yourself why you fail to understand friends or family members with their likes and dislikes and life styles. Understanding isn't a one way thing. I understand why your SIL doesn't want you to move, but it isn't her decision or something that needs her blessing. Maybe she understands your reasons, but thinks they are foolish. Don't waste your life trying to get others to understand your reasons.

As we age, we all get more set in our ways, beliefs, and lifestyles. Trying to get other old fogies to see from our viewpoint, is usually a waste of time.

Think of it like a silicon diode rectifier. Communicating with others successfully, is like AC. When you put that diode in the circuit, current only flows one way and that way is the direction the one installing the diode wants it to flow.

Are you asking friends and family to try and understand your viewpoint because you seek their approval? If you are not seeking approval, then it doesn't matter if others understand or not. "Just let er ride."

 

I am sorry but have we not been through this subject numerous times in several years?

 

Not counting mention in other threads, I think this is the 5th "Freudian" Cody thread that bears a similar title and content in 2023. However, note that Cody has made three post on this particular recycled and repurposed thread and NOT once mentioned RODEO, cowboy hats, pancake houses, stock yards, or tattoos. Y'all should be thankful for that.

“All family life is organized around the most damaged person in it.” – Sigmund Freud

 

"Ever had a friend or family member that refused to understand something you wanted them to understand? No matter how and why you are telling them, they simply refuse to understand."

They understand. They just have a different opinion.

 

Totally understand. Just wish she would say to me, "I understand why you want to move again, and, where ever you move to, I'll come and see you.", but she refuses to say that. Guess I can "wish" all I want, but. One word describes both of us, "stubborn", for her not willing to understand and me for not "letting it go". But, you have, like my wife has, FINALLY got me to understand. Thanks!

 

I think your family "understands" you just fine, Cody. The problem is that you don't want "understanding", you want complete agreement.

For someone who has no desire or ability to see other people's points of view, you sure demand a lot of "understanding" from everyone else.

The train runs both ways, y'know? If you're on one that doesn't, it's going to take a long, long time to get back where you started.

 

Funny, but when the SIL visited us in Loveland, CO, last year, she fell in love with the area. Well, that is until we sent her iPhone pictures of minus 15 degrees (on an outdoor thermometer) and the 35 inches of snow we got in March 2022.

She didn't really like it when we left So California and moved to Colorado. Then again, I found out, after meeting my wife, she was making silent plans on moving to Laughlin, NV. IOW, she hadn't mentioned a thing about a possible move there to her family. She jumped at the idea I brought up about moving to Colorado and she felt the same way about our other moves. All she ever said to me was, "I absolutely don't want to move back to So California".

When her older sister (my SIL) wanted to rent out her condo, because she wanted to move into a smaller place, she highly requested that we move there. After discussing it with my wife, she told me, "absolutely not" and told her sister "sorry, no". We haven't been back to So California since we left in June 2002.

And, as I tell folks, and my wife totally agrees, "not all families get along" and I meant hers and mine.

 

My family (I.e. siblings, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, whatever) have absolutely nothing to say about what the two of us do. They don’t care and it wouldn’t matter to us if they did. We all live our own lives.

 

We found out, the SIL (wife's older sister) wants to come and see us again for my wife's birthday the last of this month (January). She was just here during the first week of December! My wife told me, "there's nothing that important about my birthday, so she doesn't need to come". Guess the SIL thinks that my wife can take time off to see her, of which she can't. Apparently she just won't understand about those that aren't retired yet, like she is.

In trying to think of some excuse for her not to come, we told her that we may not be home, she said "so, where will you be?". She's very, darn near extremely, persistent! When we said, "perhaps on a trip to Carson City and Reno" she said "well, I can get a Timeshare there while you are there." Of course, we wouldn't go to Carson City or Reno this time of year, but we tried to think of something to tell her. Then we told her, "we will let you know".

Then, this morning, I told my wife, "let's just tell her that I'm sick with stomach flu or something when the time comes for her to drive here." Wife liked that idea.

Funny, but wife's brother told her (my wife), "I told you not to move close to her". He was absolutely RIGHT!!