Prayer Request For Chrissy

Discussion in 'Faith & Religion' started by Yvonne Smith, Jun 8, 2016.

  1. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    I'm sorry you lost your parents so young, Ken. Thankfully my mom was almost 84. She lived a fairly good life
    Except for the last 6 months. Being in the hospital since January on a vent and later a feeding tube is really no life.

    I would have liked to visit one last time but it didn't work out and she was sedated or sleeping most of the time anyway according to my baby sister and brother who lived close enough to visit.

    I didn't think Id hurt as much either as I did when my husband died but I do.
    Thankfully there's plenty of pictures of my beautiful mother. I'm also glad I didn't see her in the end, my sister said she was unrecognizable. She was a woman who always took pride in her appearance even til almost the end.

    But hospitals don't color and cut your hair, etc. she was thin to begin with so I can imagine how she must have looked at the end. Also a tracheotomy. Yes, I'm kind of glad I don't have that picture in my head.

    I did leave home at 19 and moved from Pittsburgh to Chicago and through the years we kept moving further and further away so visits weren't frequent. The last 15 years she lived in NJ with my youngest sister and her family, so
    I only visited once a year. Maybe it's not the time you spend with someone but how much you love them and I loved her dearly!
     
    #16
  2. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    Take care of yourself Chrissy, try to think positive thoughts and happier memories
    You need to rest your mind as well as body x
     
    #17
  3. Ina I. Wonder

    Ina I. Wonder Very Well-Known Member
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    @Chrissy Page , I know that family is of the greatest importance to you. I've seen this from the way you write about them, and you must know that they too know this about you. When your pain lessens to the point that you can speak of your mother, ask one of your grandchildren, (maybe the 17 year old grandson, or one of your daughters), to help you put your early memories of those you've lost in a kind of journal. It will help you, and give your children and future generations something to know about their relatives besides just information on births and deaths. I have asked my grandchildren to write at least two favorite memories of about the ones we've all lost.

    I have an 1820's Holy Bible that gives dates concerning births and deaths, but I know nothing of these people, and I quiet often I wonder what they were really like in their lifetime. Were they happy people, educated, religious,(horse thieves?), or even just plain hard working people trying to do the best with what they had?

    Right now it is to soon, because your heart is just feeling your loss, but our Creator is kind in the way he lets the good memories slide back into our minds and hearts in a way that helps heal us.

    Tell us about your mother when your able. As much as you loved her, there have to be many wonderful things you that you learned and just enjoyed about being apart of her life.

    As you told me, take it one day at a time, and grieve as much as you need.
     
    #18
  4. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Greeter
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    I totally agree with what @Ina I. Wonder wrote. I think that once the pain of losing your mother is better, and some of the good memories start coming back to you, then writing them down for your grandchildren is a wonderful idea.
    My oldest son asked me to write down stories that I remembered about growing up with my mom and dad, because it would be a way that his children could know more about their great-grandparents.
    My folks were around 40 when I was born, and died within a month of each other, and were in their 80's when they died; so my grandchildren never got to even see their great-grandparents. Writing the stories from when I was growing up has helped me a lot.
    I have a little blog where I write the story as it comes to me, and then it is there for anyone to read.
    It will probably be a while before you are able to think of your mom without crying; but eventually, the good memories will start coming back for you, and they will be a great comfort when they come.
     
    #19
  5. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Yes, my brother has a photo site that we all look at and he's put together a set in memory of our mother. I looked at a few. There are some that I don't have. My mother split our childhood pics and divided them amongst us.

    The early years it was just my brother and I. Later I married and left but when I left my mom still had my sisters who were 4 and 9 at the time. I'm not in those pics and haven't seem many of those either. I'm in some when I visited as a young wife with my small children but not that many.

    But after viewing the first few, I can't look further just yet. Too painful and sad and just writing this has started the tears.
     
    #20
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  6. Denise Happyfeet

    Denise Happyfeet Very Well-Known Member
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    I hadn't seen the thread on this, but I want to let you know I am so sorry for your loss Chrissy. I can't imagine what it must be like because I didn't, and still don't have anyone in my family that is that close. We are here for you, although it's hit and miss for me since I am so scattered (scatter brained more so).

    Love, prayers and hugs, Denise
     
    #21
  7. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Thanks, Denise. I'm sorry though that you don't have anyone that close. I guess it's a double edged sword.

    I worry so much about losing my loved ones before I die because it's so painful. I'm the oldest now...next in line and I really hope it happens that way. I couldn't survive the loss of anybody that's younger than me.

    I know many have, even on here but I don't think I could....
     
    #22
  8. Corie Henson

    Corie Henson Very Well-Known Member
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    This may be late in reply but my heartfelt condolences to @Chrissy Page for her loss. That's one of the saddest part of life, losing a loved one, and knowing that the loss is permanent. When my father passed away, I thought I would die of too much grief but fortunately there are people around me who gave me strength in going through the mourning period. The memory of your mother will surely stay and I hope you can come to terms with the loss since it is your mother's gain, she is now in heaven with the Lord.
     
    #23
  9. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Thank you Corie, I'm in kind of a daze now, the past week has been a nightmare.

    Even though My baby sister had POA and has always made decisions regarding my mom's health when she wasn't able, for some reason the day before she died I got called by the dr. In NJ because since I was the oldest of 4 I had to give consent for palliative care to begin. Her pressure was dropping and she was on vent and feeding tube, she was also septic again so antibiotics were being given. The end was near and the decision to stop all life saving means was mine to be made. Of course I told them that whatever my sister wanted I agreed with but they had to have my consent. We all agreed to start palliative care.

    The next call was a decision the 4 of us had trouble making...they had already stopped meds and feeding tube.

    She still had the vent. She could die in hours or days. The dr said she was comfortable and in no pain at that point
    And sleeping on her own basically slowly dying. I did tell them to give morphine if she needed it.

    Then the issue became wether to remove the vent or let her die with vent but maybe suffering. Nobody could tell us how long.

    The other option was remove the vent but we feared she would be gasping for air and that wasn't a pretty picture either. We spent most of last friday agonizing over this decision. We decided to sleep on it and at 3:10 AM EST last saturday I got the text that she had died....peacefully.

    And now I'm crying again. :(

    All this happened while I was at my daughter's house watching my grandsons while their parents were out of town.
     
    #24
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  10. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Greeter
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    Most of the time, our modern medicines and skills are pretty much a blessing and save many lives; but sometimes making those end-of-life decisions seem to be more difficult with all of the available choices.
    Even though I told the nurses that I wanted my mother to have pain meds if she needed them, she didn't, and I think that when she realized that Daddy and I could not just bring her back home again, she gave up, and was ready to die. She also passed peacefully in her sleep. Her heart failure had gotten so advanced that her kidneys and other organs were shutting down; so there really was nothing else that could be done besides keeping her as comfortable as possible.
    When my father-in-law had his heart attack and died, he was in the hospital for almot a week, and they finally had to make the decision to take him off of life support when he never regained consciousness.
    It was a terrible decission for my mother-in-law and the family to have to make.

    Even when we know that it is better for our loved one not to be suffering any more, it is still devastating for us when we lose them.
    I think that just crying when you feel the need to cry is about the best thing that you can do right now, @Chrissy Page , and just know that all of us are here for you when we can help in any way.
    You have my contact info, and if you just need someone to talk to, I am usually close by the computer or the phone, and I know that Ina is there for you, too.

    image.jpeg
     
    #25
  11. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Thanks, Yvonne. Yes, those decisions are very hard to make and we were all very relieved that she died peacefully before we had to discuss it again. When you know that death is near no matter what, you just want the easiest, most peaceful way for it to happen.

    I was leaning towards removing the vent but didn't know how that would play out. Dying slowly was torturous in my opinion and I certainly didn't want that either.

    At the point I think all of us would have liked her shot up with morphine or whatever it took for her to die quickly.

    But that's illegal.

    Although I suspect that my husband got some extra in his last dose because it was time for the nurse to quit her shift. He died at 5:23 PM and her day ended at 6.

    She cleaned him up, instructed me to get rid of all the drugs...I didn't have pain back then and was so naive that I threw them all out....so many good drugs, lol.

    Hospice is good for that, they do make sure you don't have pain or try to anyway.
     
    #26
  12. Ina I. Wonder

    Ina I. Wonder Very Well-Known Member
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    @Chrissy Page , I think all of us have lost loved ones, or we fear for those we still have. For me it was the fear that I was going to loose the few that could love me. Maybe my mind has totally slipped off the deep end, but sometimes I'm closer to my family now, than when they were alive. I think it is because I can bring them to me mentally the moment I need them. They don't always tell me what I want to hear, but they do bring me the strength to try and live up to what is still here for me to do.
    In my mind they are no longer ill, or in pain, and they now have the understanding that awaits us all.

    image.jpeg
     
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  13. Von Jones

    Von Jones Veteran Member
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    Hi @Chrissy Page. I've been missing you too and now I know why. I am sad to hear about your mother.
     
    #28
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  14. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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  15. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    @Chrissy Page
    Chrissy - you were fortunate to have such a good Mum - hold onto that thought too :)
     
    #30
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