On Being A Member

Discussion in 'Help Requests' started by Frank Sanoica, Aug 20, 2016.

  1. Frank Sanoica

    Frank Sanoica Very Well-Known Member
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    I have now been a member of SOF for 6 months. It feels like it could be 6 years! Initially, I resisted efforts put forth by good friends I had accumulated on another forum. They described the differences in atmosphere here, the good-will and lack of in-fighting we had become so accustomed to; the back-stabbing and one-upmanship prevailing there suggested to me that social talk forums were just not for me. I had by then been a member of many other forums, all dedicated to things technical, "aeronautical forums", a number of car forums, you get the idea.

    I continued to resist their best efforts for months. I'm sure they felt chagrined; I won't mention names, but MUST say, "thank you Ina"! I lurked, as they say. Saw little of the Mod/Admin intervention over every little detriment, such activity as I had become so accustomed to. So, I took the chance.

    Early on, I tried disguises. I probably made an ass of myself, in those friends' eyes, but no one said so. They really WERE my friends, I perceived. The avatars and usernames we all get so accustomed to seeing, were different here. I had previously "recognized" friends by their avatar! Actually perceived the individual as "personified" by it, even if that clearly made no sense. I've wondered if others are so inclined.

    Keeping the disguise, I felt as though I was remiss, so added an explanatory statement on my profile. No one ever mentioned it, so I dropped it; by then, the nonsense had given way to the truly more important work of keeping moving ahead in the forum.

    After 6 months now, a wonderful member of whom I know far less than I wish I might, PM'd me, asking if I knew of any Sanoicas in PA! I was thrilled and overwhelmed! AFAIK, there are very few Sanoicas around, most being located in the Chicago area, as you here know, I spent 30 years in the area.

    (even though I'm not truly a Sanoica). Hopefully, few of those old-timers pursuing to have read along this very boringly far, will have magnifiers handy, but I must always be truthful. I feel my Mother knows still, if I lie.

    Surprised, and excited, I found acceptance here, not quickly, which is to be expected, but the warm feeling of acceptance is proven in response to one's work. You folks have responded in a way I find gratifying. Now, I know I'm getting "mushy".

    So, I'll return to my usual sarcastic, self-ingratiating, despicable, BUT unpredictable way now by leaving it up to you, to figger out WTH I mean!

    Frank
     
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  2. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    Frank - I don't deny that I'm confused at times by your words BUT ..................I like you ! :p
     
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  3. Joe Riley

    Joe Riley Veteran Member
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    Thanks for being Frank,with us!;)
     
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  4. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    I knew who you were the minute I saw you on here. :) Although by the time you joined that other forum I was banned ( my 3rd or 4th ban) I do read it and knew your style of writing.

    Anyway, glad you are happy here. I doubt you've been hurt more than I have been on forums but I guess I ask for it sometimes.
     
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  5. Frank Sanoica

    Frank Sanoica Very Well-Known Member
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    @Chrissy Page "I doubt you've been hurt more than I have been on forums"

    The pain is mental, Chrissy. It hit me once very seriously in a car forum, real good bunch of guys, knowledgeable and helpful, but had a Mod who was retired U.S. Navy of high rank. That fact spelled trouble, as it was HIS WAY, or NO WAY. By now you all know me well enough to be aware that when disparaged or "used", I fight back rather than back off. I told the Mod exactly how and why I believed what I did, forget now the actual issue, and for that he kicked me out. One member who became a good internet friend, a Pharmacist in Utah, spoke up in my behalf, knowing others as well as he, felt I had been grossly maligned, but military-style prevailed; I was gone. I was surprised to learn several members quit that forum due to that event. It was then that I realized how much mental pain such activity could cause, but the bright side was that I learned there can be very real dedication shown between folks who are still essentially faceless strangers. Here I go, talking too much again!
    Frank
     
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    Last edited: Aug 20, 2016
  6. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    It's really the nature of forums, though I'm surprised that it happened to you on a car forum. It's usually the games people play on forums and once youre sucked into that, it follows you unless you go somewhere that nobody knows you.

    Maybe if forums didn't have PMs it wouldn't get so bad because it's always what goes on behind the scenes and is played out on the forum by certain members. These cliques change members from time to time and once someone can be your ally and the next minute your enemy. It's all very complicated, lol.

    I always think of that song by Joe South..."the Games People Play" :)

    I used to fight back but now I just delete my acct. when it comes down to it when you fight back, seems the people that you were friends with back away and even turn on you.

    I don't really care anymore, I say what I'm feeling now on a forum and if it doesn't sit well with some, I'm sorry. I can't be friends with everyone and just because you don't like someone doesn't mean I won't talk to them.

    I still screw up but I'm trying very hard not to get caught up in the crap.

    It's the worst on that other forum, the one where you and I and lots of others were banned. It's not even admin that's to blame but the mod he has.

    She seems to be running the show and it's gone downhill a lot. They even had secret mods I found out not too long ago but it was discontinued because some abused it.

    They were there to stop spammers but who likes a forum that has secret anything?
     
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    Last edited: Aug 20, 2016
  7. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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  8. Frank Sanoica

    Frank Sanoica Very Well-Known Member
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    @Chrissy Page Yep, I remember Joe South's hit. Maybe that's why I don't partake of on-line games!
     
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  9. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    image.jpg Well I don't anymore or at least try not to but as you can see on the mug that's me to a T....almost. :)
     
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  10. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    My problem is that I'm a skeptical Pollyanna who wants to right every wrong but will be wrong myself many times.

    I feel a need to fight bullies, defend the bullied but of course someone is always hurt in the end.

    I'm argumentative but also very sensitive. I'm moderate in my views so can see that both sides are wrong sometimes and I despise ugliness and hate myself when I've had to get ugly.

    I also like to joke around and have fun, go off topic, spill my guts and be too honest at times.

    No wonder I get banned a lot. :) Forgot to add flirt but that's because I don't on here. All you handsome men are married. ;)
     
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  11. Diane Lane

    Diane Lane Very Well-Known Member
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    I haven't belonged to that other forum so many of y'all have been members of, but I've had a few run ins online, some of them pretty nasty. I'm glad we've found a safe place here where we can speak openly and have a good time without the (for the most part) drama I've seen elsewhere.
     
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  12. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Lol, I thought that only that other forum that most of us have been banned from was the nastiest. True that I've lurked on some political ones that are really bad.

    Almost anything goes.
     
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  13. Diane Lane

    Diane Lane Very Well-Known Member
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    Some of the worst I've found have been 'helping' forums/sites. I used to belong to quite a few, because I enjoy helping others when I can, and I've also needed help at times. There are some really nasty people on some of the sites. The ones I was on no longer exist, but that's where I picked up my stalker, so now I'm extra cautious about which sites I visit, what information I divulge, and with whom I interact.
     
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  14. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Yikes, Diane. Thankfully it's never gotten to stalking just some hurts in my case, but I'm sensitive.
     
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  15. Diane Lane

    Diane Lane Very Well-Known Member
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    There are people who aren't happy unless they're harassing/harming others, and they can sense who is sensitive and susceptible, and aim right for them. Nowadays, I steer clear of anyone who seems motivated in that direction, and usually just ignore those who just give me a bad feeling.
     
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  16. Joe Riley

    Joe Riley Veteran Member
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    I think that when we rehash our grievances from other forums, it's kinda like picking a scab or tracking mud into our home. I think it can be overdone.;)
     
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  17. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    I'm not an angel, I've been involved in some not so nice PMs but I've never come out and hurt someone on purpose....unless pushed.

    If we are honest, most of us are involved with some gossip. I'm not talking about you, Diane because you haven't been on that forum....just in general.
     
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  18. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    True but things follow you online. :)

    Everybody experiences something different on a forum anyway. Some are oblivious to the many layers and just come on and make a post and leave. They don't connect with the people other than on the surface.

    Forums are complicated, lol.

    I've been on forums where what you see is what you get and I've never connected with anyone on these forums. Different scenario.

    Anyway, this is a good place. :)
     
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    Last edited: Aug 21, 2016
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  19. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    One that upset me the most was the NutriSystem forum. If you're on the NutriSystem diet plan, there is an online forum that can be used for discussion among members and staff, but it's mostly members posting there. I didn't participate a lot in that forum but after losing more than forty pounds in a month, I began having gallbladder attacks, which resulted in my gallbladder being removed.

    I hadn't realized it until after the fact, but it is well documented that rapid weight loss can result in gallbladder attacks, particularly in men, such as this from the US Dept. of Health & Human Services. After I got out of the hospital, I did a search on their forum and didn't find anything that mentioned this possibility, so I thought that I would do so. I wasn't blaming NutriSystem and I wasn't complaining about it, but thought that this is something that people might want to know if they begin having awful pains after seeing some success from their diet plan.

    I was attacked mercilessly by other members, many of whom insisted that it was nonsense, and there was no correlation whatsoever. They were calling me a troll, refusing to believe that I had lost 40 pounds in a month, and getting crazy about it. I didn't just do NutriSystem -- I also began walking four miles a day. Do a search on rapid weight loss and gallbladder attacks, and you'll see that this is a well known risk. It was probably in the fine print from NutriSystem too but, again, I wasn't blaming NutriSystem for it. I started the program because I wanted to lose weight, and I lost weight.
     
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  20. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    @Ken Anderson - Its certainly 'strange' in forum land
    Once a clique get together, you are dealing with a pack of Hyenas - not pleasant at all
    Its easy now to recognise the signs
    Thankfully, this place is a breath of fresh air and I am so pleased to be a part of it
     
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  21. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    I'm not saying another word, lol but it will be in my tell all book. :)
     
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  22. Ina I. Wonder

    Ina I. Wonder Very Well-Known Member
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    Hi @Frank Sanoica , when I first noticed you on "the' other forum, I just thought you had an impish personality, but I found you rather funny at times. Then it was like a shark attach. I didn't know what precipitated the attach, and I didn't care, but I felt it was unfair.

    I was worried that you would think I was flirting with you, or that I might be part of the group picking on you, but I felt you just needed someone to offer a little friendship. So many of you wonderful people pulled me through a long period of suicidal thoughts and feelings, that I felt offering you friendship was the least I could do.

    Plus I think your funny ! I'm glad you've found a home here.
     
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  23. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Even though being friendly with people on a forum will always cause some problems, if I'm on a forum where there isn't that "connection" I'll leave.

    That's my reason for being on a forum, not the information which is usually opinion. It's my connection to other people and if that's missing it's not a good forum.
     
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  24. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    @Chrissy Page - let me know when the book comes out, I'll have me Kindle at the ready :p
     
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  25. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Names will have been altered to avoid a lawsuit. :)

    Main character is "Kissy" the flirt. Lol. I wonder who that could be? :rolleyes:
     
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