Tell us of the degree of loving closeness exhibited by your parents, close relatives, even friends. Here's what I'm aiming to resolve: Growing up I am sure my folks held me close while a small child, and definitely remember my Mother hugging me when something was awry as a child, but, in general, little physical love was expressed. For example, I do not EVER recall my Dad embracing me in a hug. Nor my sister. Nor any of my 5 uncles and aunts, nor my Grandmas and Grandpas. Sure, hugs were the scene at funerals, but not among the living. My younger nephew Mike, a life-long student of Sociological Behavior, confirms it was the same for him. He talks of other cultures which were just the opposite. He wonders why our family was so "set apart", so aloof, so distant from one-another. I've theorized about this all my life. My Dad never ever ONCE embraced me in a hug throughout my life. Mike's Dad ditto. My own Mother whom I had hugged a few times towards the end, died alone, a scant mile from her daughter, my sister, 2000 miles from my location, my sister later declaring she could not go to my Mother's apartment because "it was dark outside". See the inflaming, unsettling, disgusting events I reveal? Small wonder my wife has pronounced me "nuts".
You ain't alone. I come from a "hands off" family. We didn't go in for the "huggy-kissy" stuff. My gramps didn't even like to shake hands with strangers. He would explain his reluctance by saying, "maybe later I'll shake his hand, 'less I find out he's a SOB". I never heard an "I love you" from either parent, nor any other kin. We showed our love in other ways. That's just the way it was.
There are family members that simply don't get along with other family members. Call it "dysfunctional" or whatever, but it just happens. Compared to my wife and her family, my upbringing was both good and bad. My pre-teen and teen years were spent living with three different families (related to me). Not much "huggy/kissy" stuff with anyone, however, I knew there was "love" for me. I was kept out of an orphanage with a roof over my head and food in my stomach.........that's love. Wife had plenty of love within her family and we've got some very old pictures that show that. However, today, wife/I and her brother, live States away from her two sisters, nieces and nephews. Wife loves her two sisters, but just can't live anywhere close to them. I can be fairly "huggy/kissy" with my wife. Heck, unless I'm sick, I give her a little kiss every morning before she heads off to work. We constantly tell each other "I love you"........with every meaning of the words.
Its a shame that parents ignore this important act of being tactile with their children Its important to the child's wellbeing, understanding - and nurturing a loving nature My Mother was not 'maternal' at all - fortunately I grew to be a very loving person, as I rejected my Mothers stance and followed my own instincts
I didn't grow up in a family that hugged or kissed either. But when I had my family I didn't want it to be that way so I gave lots of hugs and kisses to everyone and still do....and now most of my family do the same! I knew I was loved growing up but it would have been nice to have some hugs too. Touch is very important to me and from what I've read...to alot of other people too. If one of my grandchildren forgets to give me a hug I just remind them that Granny isn't going home until she gets her hugs!
I was maybe the most wanted child on the face of the earth. My folks were married in the mid-1920's, and before they had children, the Great Depression came along, and so they waited. About the time things were getting back to a better economy, along came the second world war, so again, they waited. By the time the war was coming to a close, my folks were going into their 40's and decided that if they were ever going to have a child, it had better happen soon. However, my mom had been kicked by a cow, and she had a tumor growing in her stomach, so her doctor told her it would be life-threatening for her to try and carry the baby to full term. Mom was determined, and they agreed that they would wait as long as possible, and then do the operation to both remove the tumor, and deliver me, but the doctor didn't give her much hopes of either one of us surviving. Well, I made it, and my mom and dad lived into their 80's so we were together a long time on this earth. Both of my parent were very affectionate with me, and bedtime hugs and kisses were an everynight thing. I never ever doubted that I was loved. When I had children, I raised them as close to the same way as I could; so we all have always been a very warm and affectionate family. I think that even though the true measure of love is how you treat another person, it is still a good thing to tell them often that you love them, and re-inforce it with hugs and kisses.
@Yvonne Smith The doctors were wrong. Not unusual, but as they are "predicting the future", one cannot expect precision. Glad you made it, though! Frank
You know the older generation just wasn't the hugging and kissing generation I guess. It just wasn't done especially not in public. I believe this to be true no matter what nationality the older generation just wasn't that way. Locally the Polynesian people on the other hand is so different...their culture is hugging and kissing. I and my Mom will pat each other on the shoulder, I'll kiss her on the forehead when she does something so nice for me, but nothing like the Polynesian people are at this is a culture thing. See most people are just not too hugging and kissing. When there is a death too our relatives just don't hug each other trying to give moral support or comfort we just pat each other on the elbow softly and say our sentiments if at all or as we pass we say our sympathy greetings. Guess people are very conservative and respectful everywhere.
Isn't that the truth Krissttina. I can never remember my mom and dad kissing or even hugging. But when he would come home from being a traveling salesman they would head to their room and tell us they were going to take a "nap" Then later on they would come out and some how bring us all together as a family once again. And I never figured out until I was married what that "nap" was all about.
Yeah, I didn't grow up in a huggy kissy family either. However, I do hug m son and when he saw me on Mothers Day he asked for a kiss. I do hug my dad when I see him, but I still kind of find it hard to hug my mom and sis, I am not sure why. My family of origin other than my sister don;t go out of their way to be loving or supportive. I resent that, but of course I love them. You kind of have to, I wish I was closer to my family, but I really don't think I should be the one making all the efforts..sometimes you are better off with loving friendships.
Its good to see that you appreciate a hug to be worthwhile True what you say about family members, we can't choose them, but true friendship can be just as hard to find too .....
I am the youngest in a brood of 12. However, my father has 2 wives - he has 9 children with the first wife and has 3 with my mother. All of us 12 are like real siblings and aside from the natural sibling rivalry, I could say we are all okay. When I was younger, I was very close to my father and all my older siblings. In fact, my 3 eldest brothers have been assisting me in my riding in the race track. They were horse jockeys and when they would win a race and get a prize, they would give me some money for my school allowance. It's just sad that all those 3 jockeys are now dead from that resulted to heart attack while my father died of liver cancer. They are the closest to me. Now, the closest is my full sister who takes care of my sick mother. My sister's children are also very close to me. In fact, I brought them along to Bangkok last March, all 3 of my sister's children. However, I am not that close to my mother and my remaining brothers although I am fully recognized by their children as the "youngest aunt" because some of them are of my age.