How Did Being Home With Your Spouse All Day Long Work Out After Retirement?

Discussion in 'Retirement & Leisure' started by Vinny Waccio, Aug 23, 2018.

  1. Vinny Waccio

    Vinny Waccio Active Member
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    I eased into retirement over an eight year period eventually working from home. It allowed my wife to get used to having me around all day and interfering in her routine. It does take some getting used to when you spend 40-50 years with a set routine and then all of a sudden you have your spouse with you all day and night.

    Since we did it gradually it was no big change when I went from working two days a week go none. However, one thing we learned in our 46 years of marriage is that spending too much time together is not a good thing. We still give each other space during the day. I hang out in my man cave with all my man toys. I try not to interfere with my wife's routine. We get together at 5:00 for dinner and part ways at 10-11 PM.

    We each have our own bedrooms for many reasons dating back to when I ran offices overseas and got faxes and phone calls every night to having very different sleep schedules and then me needing a CPAP machine. Many people think that it somehow affects our love for each other and/or relationship. We have sex but we sleep in different beds. Unless you are still having sex or kissing while you are asleep, there is no difference whether you sleep next go each other or not. Plus we both get great sleep. My wife likes to go to bed early and rise early. I like to stay up until 3-4am and then wake up at noon.

    So for us it has not been a big change but for some of our friends it took awhile to get use go being together so much an eventually they learned that time away from each other is a good thing as it makes you miss each other more. We all belong to clubs without our wives and the wives play cards and Bingo 3 nights a week. We all get together for dinner seldom going out to eat without other couples as there is not much to talk about with someone who lives with you. It is a good relationship for us and works well. We are still madly in love and there is something about luring your wife into your bed to have sex that makes it more exciting and special.

    How about you?
     
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  2. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    Didn't you say on another forum that you had an open marriage for the most part of your marriage ?.........or did I read that wrong?

    Anyway with regard to your question it doesn't apply to us..I took early retirement last year..my husband is nowhere near retirement age.. so it doesn't apply to us being together all day.

    That said, we;re both..me very much more... people who need our own space. When he's home we spend a lot of time together working in the house and gardens and socialising outside the home... but when we're not doing that, we have to have our own space... I would go stark raving bonkers if I had to spend every day all day with him...so we both do our own thing in separate parts of the house... he has his man cave, the Barn shed ..and his office with his computer and boys toys.. ...

    I have my computer room ..and basically the rest of the house to myself
     
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  3. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Greeter
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    Since my wife and I are still working 30 hours a week each, plus doing other things online for income, we haven't quite retired, but we both work from home. She has her office and I have mine. The way our taxes work out now it doesn't matter, but we used to declare the downstairs as a workspace, which helped when we were both working 60 hours a week.

    Being together all day is no imposition whatsoever. Although we have separate offices, that is mostly because we have different tastes in what we watch or listen to. She listens to the news or political talk shows all day and most of the night, and that would drive me nuts. I'd rather watch something with more of a plot than corruption and lies.
     
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  4. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    The only time I spent 24/7 with my husband was the last year of his life....

    Would give anything to spend just another day with him.
     
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  5. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Veteran Member
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    I've said it before and I'll say it again; I don't think the Good Lord ever intended for a man and woman to spend 24/7 together. He meant for the man to be out hunting and gathering and for her to be out shopping, at the beauty shop or lounging around the pool. :D
     
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  6. Don Alaska

    Don Alaska Very Well-Known Member
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    We do fine, but we are not often together all day, as she works two part-time jobs, one seasonal. I am around most of the time. The only drawback is when she is around, I tend to not do what I want to do as I am waiting to see if she needs help with her projects.
     
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  7. Vinny Waccio

    Vinny Waccio Active Member
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    It was not open. We were in a poly triad until 9 years ago when we moved to Florida. She and her husband were supposed to follow and put a downpayment on a plot of land for a designer home to be built. Our home was already built so we moved first. Then we got the call that ruined our plans to all retire together. Our girlfriends husband lost the money from the sale of his practice and their savings account playing Stock Options right before the last recession. He had to go to work for the doctor who bought his practice and our girlfriend had to go back to teaching.

    We have been monogamous for almost 9 years now and at our age it is better that way. One women is enough for this 67 year old man. Most people, when they hear poly, think we are sex fiends. In fact it was just a normal life for us with our girlfriend living with us on and off for a very long time that predated her marriage. We were polyfidelotous so we did not sleep around or cheat like most of my monogamous friends did who boasted about it to me thinking that just because I was in a poly triad, I would approve. They were wrong since my ex fiancé cheated on me when I was in Vietnam and the girlfriend after her cheated on me too, so not a big fan of cheating. Also why I felt I should try something other than monogamy since 8 years of my life were ruined by cheating girlfriends. My sister cheated with all three of her husbands. My wife's sister cheated on her ex husband with his best friend. Most of our friends are divorced, some more than once or twice. Yet they feel that cheating within the structure of a monogamous marriage is moral and my life was not. I do not mention this in most of my posts since a lot of people are not fans of polyamory.

    I did not want to bring it up, but my wife and I had a hard time not having our girlfriend around and it took us a year to adjust to that as well as to me working from home. We lost someone whom we loved for decades and was a part of our life. So there was a lot of adjusting to do on that front too.
     
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  8. Vinny Waccio

    Vinny Waccio Active Member
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    Amen to that. The current marriage structure we have dates a long way back when people died by the age of 30. They should change the vows to Until we get sick of each other, do we part. :)
     
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  9. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    To a point, my wife and I are "joined at the hips", meaning, we absolutely love doing everything together. I'm retired, that is SS "early retired". Wife still works a full-time job, but only Mon. thru Fri. daytime hours. On weekends, we are pretty much always together. When we met, back in early 2000, we found out a couple of major things about each other...….we were both "marriage minded" and "clingy". Being "clingy" drove most ladies I knew, before meeting my wife, away, but definitely not my wife. She wanted to do a lot of things with me and actually stopped doing things with a girlfriend she had before meeting me. The girlfriend wasn't happy about me coming into the picture, but my wife was absolutely fine with being with me.

    Today, I stay at home and take care of it and run some errand now and then. I look very forward to her getting home after work and she loves that. We shop together on the weekends. We don't have friends, because we simply can't find anyone in our age bracket, or a little younger, that like what we like.

    When she fully retires, or only has a part-time job, we will still do most everything together. Just the kind of marriage we have and we love it that way. IOW, I don't need "my space" and she doesn't need hers, but we sometimes will do different things, but in the same room.
     
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  10. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Hey, you looking for another GF? I'm available!

    Just kidding my family would disown me.

    Sometimes though....I think I'd rather have another woman living with me than a man....not sexually though.

    Someone strong to do all the handyman jobs around here though, lol.
     
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  11. Bill Boggs

    Bill Boggs Veteran Member
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    When I retired, 'the little lady' was still working, wasn't any problem as long aas I kept the dishes done, the house clean and straightened up, and her evening meal ready when she got home. Other than that I ran around all day, played golf, drink coffee with a bunch of firemen friends and was involved in a photo club, taking and making photos and trying to come up with the best shot possible that would interest the club's members and place high on the monthly contest for some serious photographers. After she retired, being something of an artist Encpouraged her to join the photo club, pick out a good camera. She also volunteered with friends of the library. Wemade a good photo team. She could see things I couldn't. I was pretty good on the techinal end. After she joined, we won more frist, second, and third place scoring on the monthly contests than I had previously shooting alone.I guess you could say we got along splendidly, that first year.
     
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