Cowboy and Western Humor

[Tony Page]

A cowboy, who just moved to Montana from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.

The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy,
"You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizon, the other is in Colorado.

When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together.

So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.

The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.

One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.

When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my
condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.

"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains.

“It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking.

My brothers haven’t been affected tho."

 

[Tony Page]

Cowboy Wisdom

Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Don't squat with your spurs on.

 

[Tony Page]

Why are cowboy hats curled up on the side?

So they can fit three in the pickup.


What do you call a frog who wants to be a cowboy?

Hopalong Cassidy.


Did you hear about the cowboy who died with his boots on?

He didn’t want to stub his toe when he kicked the bucket!


What do you call a happy cowboy?

A jolly rancher.

 

[Tony Page]

 

[Mabel Baker]

I don't know if it is actual joke or not, but this is something we always said since I was "knee high to a grasshopper". I am from Texas.

It is so flat here, you can watch your dog run away for 3 days.

 

[Faye Fox]

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen.

He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"

Some of the locals shifted restlessly.

He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started to ride out of town.

The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!"

 

[Faye Fox]

 

[Faye Fox]

 

[Faye Fox]

Cowboys in West Texas don't roll marijuana, they tumble weed.

 

[Mary Robi]

What happens when cowboys eat beans at high noon? It's a toot-out at the OK Corral.

How do German cowboys greet each other? "Audi, pardner."

How do Catholic cowboys greet their priests? "Howdy, Pardoner."

What did the cowboy say when he realized his dog was missing? "Dog-gone!"

 

[Tony Page]

I don't know if it is actual joke or not, but this is something we always said since I was "knee high to a grasshopper". I am from Texas.

It is so flat here, you can watch your dog run away for 3 days.

It's funny!!!

 

[Tony Page]

Zorro goes to a bar only wearing his face mask. He asks the bartender for a drink and then asks him if he knows who he is. The bartender replies that he has never seen him before. Zorro gets mad, puts on his black hat and his black cape and asks the bartender one more time if he knows who he is. The bartender once again replies he doesn't know him. Now Zorro is furious, he takes out his sword and draws a huge "Z" on the bartender's chest, while screaming "Now, do you know who I am? the bartender looks at him, smirks and replies: "Yes, now I know who you are. You are ZUPERMAN

 

[Tony Page]

 

[Faye Fox]

Hey Y'all

I think I will start a horse dude ranch. Here is what I will offer.

Faster horses for faster riders

Slower horses for slower riders

And for those that have never ridden, I will offer unridden horses.

 

[Faye Fox]

 

[Faye Fox]

If I were married, this would be my husband.

 

[Mabel Baker]

Taking my break from watching the cattle, I went fishing but after a little while ran out of worms.

Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth and frogs are good for catching bass.

Was thinking that the snake wouldn't bite me with the frog in its mouth. I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in the bait bucket.

The problem was how to get rid of the snake without getting bit. I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in it's mouth.

His eyes rolled back, he went limp. Gently tossed it into the lake and carried on fishing using the frog.

A little while later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake with two more frogs in his mouth.

Life is good in the Texas.

 

[Mary Robi]

How do cowboys count their cattle? With a cow-culator, of course.

 

[Tony Page]

A cowboy rides into town in the Wild West and shoots an artist. The sheriff asks him, “Why did you do that?” The cowboy says, “I thought he was going to draw.”

 

[Shirley Martin]

The cowboy was trying to buy a health insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions.


"Ever have an accident?"


"Nope, nary a one."


"None? You've never had any accidents."


"Nope. Ain't had one. Never."


"Well, you said in this form you were bitten by a snake once. Wouldn't you consider that an accident?"


"Heck, no. That dang varmint bit me on purpose."