I’m at a loss

Sunny Carson

New member
Two years ago we moved in our In-law Apartment downstairs from our middle aged daughter, son in law and our 15 year old grandson . , everything went absolutely perfect Our arrangement worked out perfectly. We respected each others boundaries.
Our Grandson lived a life of complete indulgence. No accountability for bad behavior but we stayed out of their family issues completely.
Our grandson wanted a houses party in exchange for not having to socialize with his first cousin who came with parents for an overnighter due to unresolved issues. Father agreed but numbers of minors coming was not discussed ubtil he invited 40 people. My aughter had no say , father agreed with number.
The party started and both parents with 2 dogs came down to out apartment until the party ended. At no point during the 5 hours of partying,was there an adult present and son in law was adamant , no one was permitted to go up to check on things under the strict instructions from our grandson. Parents obeyed . The party and music.
Louder and louder , music . Periodic bangs on the floor that would make us jump with fright. Son in law completely. unconcerned . At that time I was suffering so much pain , rotating heat to massager to neck brace looking for relief All I longed for was my bed but forced to stay up . No one could sleep with that noise. At midnight my daughter wanted the party to be over. But son in law extended the time to end the party by another hour. . The little dogs were trembling Due to noise and peeing everywhere. Half an hour later Grandson came running down Police were called by neighbours. Son in law ran upstairs and only at that time did we realize the house on the upper two levels were packed with minors drinking. 15 minors with beers hand came down in front of our window. Arguing. A Fight broke out . I was so scared I was literally trembling. as I wasn’t sure who these kids were or where they came from. ( Two murders on our street alone this past few months didn’t help).
Next day my husband checked out our car in the driveway and found a 3 foot long scratch on side door . It was definitely not there earlier that day. Scratch was not wide and barely visible but it’s a dry expensive vehicle and our last car. We are going to body shop to hsve scratch buffed out and we gently suggested our son in law pay,


My husband suffering from early onset of Dimentia and is extremely prone to stress and having difficulty coping with it. Summer coming up and line the past couple of years endured noisy pool parties . . The pool and hot tub area is just outside our main living area so there’s no escape from the noise. . We are renting and money would be tight but doable on their own should we leave. But I don’t want her to suffer financially . .
We know there will not be another house party , but grandson made it abundantly clear there will be plenty of pool parties over the summer. I’m in poor health, my husband is overwhelmed with stress. I just don’t know what to do. It was my suggestion for her to buy a houses with in law apartments but made it abundantly clear not to buy just for us several times. We’re financially stable and can afford to leases somewhere else. My daughter and her family. has every right to live in her home the way they want. But we need to be considered.
 
Years ago our teenage son , staying with my friend while we were out of the province for a week, broke into our house with 2 other friends and had a party. It was planned for a couple of weeks. He got 1 month grounding , our daughter who knew about it and never told us , got grounded for 2 weeks So what my children got stiff punishments , our grandson got rewarded. Is there something wrong with me or is this an upside down parenting. We are in total shock . Our daughter and son in law think we are overreacting
 
Welcome to the SOC forum, @Sunflwer1919 ! There is an tntroduction thread in the Chit-Chat sevtion if you would like to introduce yourself and share a little about where you live, your hobbies and things like that.
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Years ago our teenage son , staying with my friend while we were out of the province for a week, broke into our house with 2 other friends and had a party. It was planned for a couple of weeks. He got 1 month grounding , our daughter who knew about it and never told us , got grounded for 2 weeks So what my children got stiff punishments , our grandson got rewarded. Is there something wrong with me or is this an upside down parenting. We are in total shock . Our daughter and son in law think we are overreacting
I do not see any parenting. Parenting entails loving caring but also introducing the fact that action brings reaction.
 
Years ago our teenage son , staying with my friend while we were out of the province for a week, broke into our house with 2 other friends and had a party. It was planned for a couple of weeks. He got 1 month grounding , our daughter who knew about it and never told us , got grounded for 2 weeks So what my children got stiff punishments , our grandson got rewarded. Is there something wrong with me or is this an upside down parenting. We are in total shock . Our daughter and son in law think we are overreacting
Welcome from me, also Sunflwer1919. You are not overreacting. You are reacting to a situation in which you have no control nor consideration in decisions. I would move out until grandson does.
 
Some parents are so determined to be their offspring's "friend" that they completely forget they are their parents FIRST.

I stayed out of trouble because my parents, and wonderful, wonderful parents they were, were NOT my friends. They were the final word on what and what not was to be done and they weren't afraid about coming down on me like a duck on a Junebug if I stepped out of line.

One of my mother's favorite phrases was, when accused of being "unfair" was, "I don't care. I'm your mother. I'm not running a popularity contest here. This isn't the Miss America Pageant; I'm not running for Miss Congeniality. "

Your daughter and son-in-law were lucky that the police didn't charge them with allowing minors to have alcohol. When something like this happens, the parents are definitely liable for anything that happens....the law says that what happens in their house is THEIR responsibility.

I'm afraid that this isn't going to be the last problem with your grandson. You have my heartfelt sympathy.
 
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