When I was a kid, and even on into adulthood, people didn’t call in advance to say they’re coming over and relatives usually didn’t bother to knock..…they just came in because the door would be unlocked and open - especially in nice weather. That seemed to change sometime in the 1970s. Now it’s considered rude to just show up, and doors are usually locked (for safety reasons). Now I never just show up at someone’s home, and I don’t want them doing that to me. People can be in the bathroom, taking a shower/nap, busy in the bedroom, dressed only in their underwear, eating a meal, or maybe they just don’t want to be bothered. I even lock my door when going out for a few minutes to deal with the trash/recycling bins. Leave door unlocked, turn your back……….you never know. I remember when my older brother bought his first house – he was 22 and single (this was in 1967). Sometimes groups of girls would walk back and forth in front of his house. When they worked up the nerve to knock, he would just look out the little window in the top of door….just looked and did/said nothing. I thought that was hilarious! At another site I frequent we were discussing unannounced visitors (about a yr or so ago). Someone said his hs gf (30+ yrs ago) showed up on his porch and left a note with a batch of cookies or whatever. (He wasn’t home, found it later.) Well, another member said the old gf would have quickly learned the meaning of the Second Amendment. Most of us all laughed out butts off, but mod didn’t think it was funny and gave the member a 7 day gag/time out and gave the rest of us a speech about gun violence then locked the thread. Anyway, what are your thoughts?
Today I feel it's best to call first before you go over to someone's home. I've done what your brother did one day when the doorbell rang. I peeped out the door's little peephole and did not know who it was, so I quietly just stood there not opening the door hoping they'd just go thinking there was no one home. It worked and the day went on uneventfully afterwards. I live with my Mom and I tell her always look at the window to make sure the person is who they say they are when you ask "who is it?" and don't just open the door. We live in different times and instead of being too careless and trusting, I'd rather be safe and unharmed, so no unlocked doors at all. We always prefer to have calls ahead of time of people who want to visit for our safety.
Like I've said somewhere else on here I won't open the door for anybody unless I know they're coming and I don't get many visitors, so I hardly ever open my door. Also, I've lived in different neighborhoods and it depended on the people if I called or not, or if they called or not. There probably isn't a right or wrong answer for this, it depends where you live and on other factors. I don't even have to hide if someone rings the bell, I ask who it is while Pickles is barking like crazy and then say, "sorry, I can't open the door because of my dog.".
In the Philippines, hospitality is a tradition. That means anyone can come without notice. Even neighbors would knock and engage you in a casual chat that sometimes is a waste of time. For house guests who arrive before meal times, we had to scramble for food that can be cooked quickly. But now there are deliveries so that's not much of a problem anymore, just a phone call will solve the problem. When I was in school, we students were surprised to learn that people in America are not as hospitable as Filipinos. When a visitor drops by while the family is eating a meal, the visitor has to wait outside until the meal is finished. But here, such cases rarely happen. Even without notice, the house guest will be offered food. Such differences in culture.
To borrow a word from my UK friends, I am gobsmacked. @Corie Henson – Whoa! I have to respectfully disagree. (if that is being taught in Filipino schools, it needs to stop.) In America I know of many, many people who would and have offered food to a person who drops by. I saw it happen many times as a child and also as an adult, it’s happened to me, I’ve done it (offered food) to unexpected guests, and I’m betting many on this forum have done so and/or seen it done. So, while I believe Filipinos are hospitable, it also applies to Americans so I’m not sure where that information came from. It’s not a culture thing; that is just not true. And the part about “making someone wait outside” until the family finishes dinner…huh? I’ve never seen or even heard of that happening except maybe in the case of a child who drops by to see if Johnny can come out to play, but the family hasn’t finished eating dinner. Often the other child will be invited to sit down and eat something but usually that clild has just finished eating and will decline. However, the issue is people dropping by unannounced for a visit or similar reason. In America (as I mentioned earlier) it used to be a normal pattern of behavior. Not so much anymore, usually because of safety concerns (if it's a stranger) or manners/respect. It's easy to make a phone call to let someone know you'd like to stop by.
Fifty years ago or more, there were many more people who lived their lives in the same town or neighborhood that they grew up in, so they knew more people, and were probably related to more people around them. Even today, I think that if I lived near my brothers families or near the people I grew up with, we'd visit one another more often, and we wouldn't feel the need to call ahead. Today, although I have lived in the same house for the past sixteen years, I don't know the people around me as well as I would have known the people around me had I remained in my hometown. I think it's more a matter of it not being polite to drop in on strangers unannounced. One of my neighbors comes over frequently. He doesn't just walk into the house but he doesn't call ahead, and that seems perfectly normal and acceptable to us. I would feel the same way about another of my neighbors except that his wife has been ill so it's not always comfortable for her to have visitors. A couple of other friends of my wife come by once a week, but always at the same day or time, almost like an appointment. We moved here as adults so, while we have met people, we haven't had the time to build up the close acquaintances that would make it seem comfortable to just drop by someone's house. When we were raising our nephew, we had more people coming by, and we would more often drop by on people, often having things to do with keeping track of our kids. We don't make a habit of locking our doors here during the day, and my key is most always in my car where I can find it. We do lock the door before going to bed at night but I don't always bother doing that if my wife is away. There is the occasional crime here, but there's not much of it. As for someone dropping by during a meal time, that happens sometimes because we don't eat our meals at regular times, so no one could possibly know. When that occurs, we certainly do offer them something, but they are nearly as certain to decline anything but coffee or tea. We wouldn't dream of asking someone to wait outside while we ate.
Our front door is always unlocked sometimes well into the night if one of us is out partying or I am coming home from a late night flight. We answer the door to anyone and have never had any problems. Amazon and Royal Mail often open the door and leave the package and letters inside, which is handy. If a salesperson turns up I simply say I rent the house, so they immediately leave. We used to get a number of religious missionaries, though very few these days, I simply say I don't believe in God and they would also leave, except for a few persistent ones . There is no gun issue in the UK because we generally don't have them, so that doesn't affect unannounced callers coming. We always offer people a cup of tea or coffee and food if we are eating, though as Ken mentioned it's rarely accepted.
I don't think it was part of the lesson in school. Maybe it's just the opinion of some of our teachers. And that was stuck in my mind since I took it for truth. But I'm not saying it is the truth although I believed in that. Pardon me if I had offended some of you here. I haven't been to America yet and I'm not well versed with the culture. Maybe if I had gone there, I would know that what my teacher said wasn't true. As with ours, we are only courteous with guests, meaning people we know. We never let strangers enter our home unless there is a relevance or connection.
Well, during the day, weekend or weekday, we always have our living room shades/curtains open. When we leave to go somewhere, we close the shades. When we go to bed, we close the shades and curtains. Actually, during the day, when we are home, our three dining room window shades are open. From where I sit at our desktop computer, I can see anyone walk by our apartment. Only from one angle can I see someone walk up the short sidewalk to our apartment front door. I can see UPS or FedX pull up and bring something to our door. If I'm engrossed with something on the computer and someone knocks on the door, I will look thru the peephole first to see who it is. Since our apartment is located right across from the Rental Office (just across a small parking lot), not much to worry about during the daylight hours. Our next door neighbor has stopped by a couple of times. We know her, her mom and the two teens. Very nice family. I've invited the mother in and we've talked about problems she's had/has with her son. I give her my opinions/recommendations. Her son has been in some trouble and trying to enlist in the Army. Him and his mom really clash sometimes and that is what she talks to me about. Other than her, Maintenance, UPS and Fed X, we don't have anyone that comes to visit us.
This may be a segue but I just want to add that we have a policy of offering drinks to delivery persons particularly the mailman and also the garbage collectors. It was decreed by my husband so we would be known personally by those people. One advantage is the registered mail that needed to be signed by the addressee, the mailman allows it to be signed by our housemaid since he knows us already. With the garbage, the truck would wait for our garbage cans (sometimes we have 4 so it takes time). And sometimes the garbage men (there are usually 6) would request for bread or biscuits. So now our budget had increased, aside from the canned drinks, we also buy biscuit cans for that purpose.
I don’t mean to disagree with anyone, but mail carriers, garbage collectors, UPS, Fed Ex, and the like are people performing a service – doing their job. They’re not “visitors”.
Years ago people came by uninvited but not anymore. My brother drops in but he lives about 100 feet behind my house. Our grandson who lives about 20 miles further up the mountain always calls before he stops in and we continually tell him he doesn't have to call and he can even come stay in our home when we are out of town. He has to drive about 60 miles one way to college so we tell him to sleep and eat here sometimes. We have no other close relatives nearby except for some about 35 miles away and they call first to make sure we are home. Locals don't drop in as our whole property is fenced, cross fenced and topped with barbed wire, even where it is cross fenced. My husband did that when he worked out of town a lot. I guess he thought all the local crazies were anxious to climb the fence and peek in the windows at his wife. Besides that we have a gate which we keep locked at all times and only a few people have the code to get in. We used to have rottweilers (which I love) but after they died off we have smaller dogs due to the cost of property insurance. We have nice neighbors but there are a lot of pot farms and meth labs here in the mts. A few drug cartels do business up here from time to time. The DEA and local authorities have really cleaned things up a lot but still, we keep that gate locked. One of our neighbors who lives on the corner, an elderly couple, never locked their doors at night. One morning he got up and a guy was asleep on his couch. He said he was tired (drunk) and needed to sleep. Old Fred kicked his behind out the door and I hope he locks his doors now. His wife has passed away and his son and daughter-law live with him so hopefully they lock up good.