Kids Getting What They Want

Discussion in 'Not Sure Where it Goes' started by Cody Fousnaugh, Oct 30, 2017.

  1. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    You are 100% right! But, they were also very strict with me. When I moved out, the day after high school graduation, I was so happy. Even the neighbor farm boys knew how strict they were and wondered why I never ran away. Even though I didn’t get really neat gifts and they were very strict, I knew how much better it was living with them rather than my alcoholic dad and his wife above his bar.
     
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  2. Tim Burr

    Tim Burr Very Well-Known Member
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    As most of you know, we moved a lot.

    I'm a middle child and always thought that my brothers got the 'Good' stuff
    and I was an after thought.
    Now I look back and realize that my older brother ( 5 years older ) and my
    younger brother ( 5 years younger than me ) just were in the right time of life.

    One thing I know. No matter where in the world we were, holidays traditions traveled
    with us.
    One year our Mom would read a special letter from our Dad from whatever ship he was on.
    ( we each got our own to read later by ourselves. )
    Another year, he would be home on 'shore duty' and things would be special.

    We were neither rich, nor poor. We were a Military family.

    If that makes any sense to anyone. It's hard to explain sometimes.
     
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  3. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    It makes sense to me @Tim Burr ..having been a military wife myself..(Royal Navy)...


    @Cody Fousnaugh , I don't know how strict your parents were but I kinda would hazard a possible good guess that you would be happy not to have swapped the beatings we got often on Christmas day... (and I'm not going to turn this into my childhood was worse than anyone else's...just trying to get things into perspective a little)

    ETA...I meant add...although my school friends and cousins all had more than me at Christmas..I don't ever remember being jealous...looking back I kind of just accepted it as normal, that some children got more than we did..and just wistful about it really...
     
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    Last edited: Oct 30, 2017
  4. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    I didn’t get beat by them, but an Aunt that I lived with before them, did throw a bacon fork at me and it stuck in my back for a second and dropped out. State Family Services found out about the incident and gave me the decision to move to my real dad’s home (bar) or to the step-parents who were long-distance cousins.

    Even though this couple took me in, I felt I was really “held down” (unable to do things that other teens my age were doing). The step-parents, or legally called “Guardians”, had never had kids before and I was 14 when they took me in. I had no tv, unless I’d watch what they were watching. No in-between meals snack at all. No dating until I had a car, late in my Senior year. Then, it was only one date for my Senior After-Prom Party, because they couldn’t afford a tux for me. They couldn’t afford a Class Ring for me either. I had to literally plead with them to pay $20 for a day trip, with classmates, to museums in Chicago.

    My weekly allowance and money from a part-time job when I was a Junior, was automatically put into a bank Christmas Savings for me to buy gifts with.

    Ok, I’ll stop there.
     
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  5. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    I told my wife about my step-parents putting all of my allowance money into a Christmas Fund, as well as me signing my part-time job check over to them to put in the same place and she was shocked. Guess I hadn't ever told her that. All of her allowance and part-time job money went into her pocket to use for whatever.

    She knew how my Aunt treated me and why I was taken out of that home, but she really didn't know just how strict my step-parents were with me. Like my cousins and neighbor farm kids, she didn't have any of the tough strictness that I had.

    But, then again, I found out very fast that the Navy was even stricter than my step-parents were!
     
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  6. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    I never got any pocket money....and when I left school and started full time work, I was ordered to hand my pay packet over unopened. I was given the price of the bus far to work back..and nothing more...they spent the rest...
     
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  7. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    How in the world did you ever handle that?

    Don't know if you know who actor Gary Coleman was, but his parents kept all of his money for acting. He actually had to sue them to get some back.
     
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  8. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    That should have read...''they gave me the Fare back to work, and nothing else''...I basically worked just for the bus fare back to work , which was a 6 mile bus ride.. I didn't even get a pair of tights out of my wages..everything was kept by them..
     
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  9. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    I had no choice Cody....I couldn't leave because I had no money to pay for a roof over my head..I couldn't sue them because in those days you couldn't...and anyway I had no money for a lawyer. Eventually at 18 I found a summer live -in job on a Scottish Island ... it was far from them, but it didn't stop my father sending me threatening letters, about sending all my wages back to him...and if I didn't I would never be able to return home...

    I didn't send any... but then my mother died that same year...and I had no choice but to return to take care of my younger siblings... the situation was now worse than ever, because I wasn't permitted to earn any money outside of the home... I had to scrub, clean, cook and take care of my siblings and never got a penny even in pocket money to buy myself any necessary items at all... and the beatings were a regular occurrence too.. and if he was mad with me I wasn't allowed to eat at all... he would padlock the cupboards and the fridge sometimes for several days...

    My father eventually remarried and I was able to get the hell out of there... with no money...but freedom anyway... and that was worth more to me than anything at all

    i won't continue with this story...but just so as you get the picture...it's all about perspective...there's always someone worse off... at least by my wits and wiles, I survived ...a lot of people in my position didn't
     
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  10. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    Well, one thing for sure, some of us had terrible parents, some, like myself, had pretty strict ones and yet others had very cool parents who bought them things they both needed and wanted........like my wife.
     
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  11. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    My dad was very strict but he was generous and I never had to work although I did babysit and was allowed to keep the money.

    Back then I got $1 an hour. :)
     
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  12. Gloria Mitchell

    Gloria Mitchell Veteran Member
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    Bless all of you who encountered such terrible childhood beatings and misfortune. !
    Our family was poor than most, but then again had more than many. Parents worked two jobs a piece for long time, to make sure
    we had all the necessities of life-not so much what we wanted. I do not remember birthdays ever being , more than a homemade cake.
    I am sure there was a trinket or two, but nothing expensive. Christmas time, my brother and I got about 5 presents each, which to us seemed
    a lot. I married right before my 18th BD, and my brother married right after he graduated,after that do not remember any real gifts or Christmas
    gift swapping.
    My girls grew up without their dad for the most part, and as a single mom in the late 60 and 70's, it was hard for me to just feed and house them.
    I do know, most of their Christmas came from my folks,but nothing extravagant. I remember one Christmas in 1976, things were really bad for me, and could not afford a tree. the girls had made decorations at school, so we hung those up. And I had a light of some sort, that I turned on, and we would lay down in the floor and watch the decorations dance on the wall.
    Then in about 1982, after remarrying their dad (geez what a bummer) things were bad again, so we took the only money we had at the time, and bought each of them a little stuffed monkey- can't remember the name but was popular at the time. We both felt really bad, but to this day, each girl remembers that as the best Christmas.
    My husband and I both rarely have bought each other Christmas in 26 years, and even more rare a BD gift. Christmas money was spent on the grand kids, until there became too many to buy for. My youngest daughter and her only child still at home, is about all we see to now, and even so, nothing very elaborate. Last year was pretty good Christmas for us all. Do not see a big one this year, though, as we can barely make ends meet now.
    But, I have never really felt deprived, I think it should be more about getting together and less about what you want or can get.
    Over the years it has occurred to me, that those who grew up with less than most, expect the least. For those who are accustomed to getting much, expect even more.
    I do admire people of wealth, celebrities, people of power, who refuse to give their kids everything. They are like, hey you want a car, get a job. There are some- can't remember the names, who have openly claimed there will be no inheritance,from them. The take is, I made my money, and so you need to make your own.
     
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  13. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    As far as your last sentence goes, I don't really know how my high school classmates got their cars back then, but I know I bought the old 1956 Chevy, picture of it and me in a Thread called "First Car", with money I got from a part-time job at a upper-class restaurant on Friday/Saturday nights during the later part of my Senior year. Finally, after a few years of not being able to keep my earned money, I was able to. But, my step-dad did have to pay for the repair of it, so it would start and run.

    Today, there are high school Seniors that get a new, or nicely used, car from their parents for graduation. Of course, these teens are from higher medium-to-upper class families. These are the same type of parents that can afford to put money away from college educations for their kids.
     
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  14. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Yep, my grandson got a brand new Honda Civic when he got his DL at age 16. They even paid for his gas if it wasn't too outrageous and overboard. Insurance is high also for a teen boy.

    He doesn't have his car now though, freshmen can't have a car on campus which is a good thing.
     
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  15. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Veteran Member
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    Wife and I always, and I do mean "always", get each other things for Christmas, birthdays and our anniversary. For us, that's a must.
     
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