Breaking The News
Jun 12, 2018
Mr. Wile E. Coyote Finally Detained
Mr. Coyote will appear in court later this week.
Tues., June 12, 2018–Arizona.
Coconino County officials are confirming Wile E. Coyote (born William Ethelbert Coyote, Jr.), 70, is in custody after repeated violations of a restraining order granted to Robert Runner. In the restraint request, Mr. Runner, (a.k.a. Roadrunner), 69, stated he has been “repeatedly chased, beaten, exploded, etc, over the course of several decades.”
After a vicious TNT attack on Mr. Runner last Thursday, peace officers were dispatched to a small cave dwelling believed to be the home of Mr. Coyote. He was taken into custody without incident. A Coconino County Sheriff’s official on the scene stated Mr. Coyote gave only a brief statement:
“Why y’all always pickin’ on me??!”.
Numerous receipts from the ACME Corporation were found in the residence from purchases believed Mr. Coyote made in the hopes of capturing and subsequently viciously eating Mr. Runner. The Sheriff’s official also stated a small amount of narcotics were discovered.
Robert Runner looking relieved after Mr. Coyote’s capture.
When reporters
finally caught up with Mr. Runner, he said, “Dude has been beefin’ with me like forever. I’m not certain what his issues are, but I do know that he is extremely prone to violence. I can only put my faith in the justice system and let the law run its course.” Before speeding away, he stated, “Meep meep.”
Mr. Coyote is scheduled to appear in court to answer the allegations later this week.