Absurdities Sarcastically Tiptoeing On Eggshells In My Brain

Thursday's Edition

I desperately need to put more gas in my car, but I hate to put on clothes just for that.

My right eye likes to stay closed half the day. It's in training for becoming a hemi-seer.​

Is it my imagination, or is it real that when the AARP Town Hall calls, the phone rings louder, in case I'm hard of hearing?​

The wolf perched comfortably atop the sofa, exhausted from scratching off his Target tags. ​

to be continued.......

 

Purple is also a regal color, your highness.

 

I never claimed to be of a regal line. But, but, but, let's not rule out the possibility.

Seriously though, that's not for me. I have less than a normal share of virtues and have no claim that I'm the one to boss others around. No one does. Plus, I believe in some form of democracy where the common folk rule themselves. We've never quite gotten there in the USA but that doesn't mean we shouldn't keep trying.

 

EEEEE von, you're harassing me. I'm going to complain to Biden and get you arrested for your freedom of speech. I'm innocent of all charges. Except for my credit cards.

 

OOH Mr. Bean! One of the most repulsive characters ever!!

 

Mr. Bean is an illegal alien from another planet. Mr. Bean is an alliteration for Mr. Being. He has no first name. He is all of us. He be my hero. Don't worry, be sappy.

 

Okay, so no one likes my Mr. Bean avatar. Here is my revenge.

 

My hair is so pretty. I'm going to buy some blonde hair dye. What a babe magnet I'll be.

 

I'm a pretty handsome guy. Motel room anyone?

Women only, of course.

Good lookin' only, of course.

Slightly kinky, of course.

 

My AI slave bot is building an artificial woman for me.



She is going to be obedient all the time and always horny for me.
Why can't you real women know your place?

 

I have decided that I'm a trans-tranny. It's difficult to describe what that is. I could be any one of the 77 genders at any moment and could change in a second. If we go out for a date we could have lovely sex or I might kill you just for fun. Perhaps i need counseling.

 

Cuz we are too old to be barefoot and pregnant.

 

I've been kind of silly lately but now i want to get serious. Many people misunderstand the phrase 'deep state' and think it describes some hidden power structure governing our country. It's actually has a more physical meaning. It is the one state of the fifty that is morally lower than any other and that is, of course, California.

 

Barefoot women? Stop trying to get me excited.