Wills

(I'm posting this for two reasons- wondering if anyone might have advice, & also to provide info on what can occur)

My parents had a mutual will. They thought this the best approach as they owned & operated a business together. As my oldest sibling had moved to a different state & I was planning to do the same, they appointed the other sibling (I'll call him Bob- not his real name) as their executor. I was present in their attorney's office when they finalized it, & they also discussed some of it with me. One part: their real estate was to be sold, with the money divided equally between their 3 kids; another part: I was to receive their (mostly my mother's) huge collection (and I do mean huge) of pictures & their family movies. This was around 1978.

When I was at their house one day (around 1997 or thereabouts), I was told of some changes. First, as my two kids had not been born when they drew up the initial will, they'd purchased savings bonds for my kids. Second, upon informing me Bob had 'convinced' them to turn over all their real estate to him & his family, I was told I shouldn't let this bother me because I'd be receiving a large enough sum of money to make up for it that I'd be financially set for life. I wasn't told how my eldest sibling fit into the picture, but they said all of their kids (3) and grandkids (4) would be treated not only fairly but equally. They also made some reference to Bob being their power-of-attorney, but I wasn't paying attention. However, they did show me the documents proving they'd bought the savings bonds and that the will had been revised.

I'll leave out the crummy details of how, after my father passed away, my mother contacted me to say Rob & his wife asked her to move in with them, didn't follow through with it, & after a couple of accidents placed her in a nursing home- I wasn't given the opportunity to look after her myself, & the nursing home staff said they couldn't even give me info on her condition without permission from Rob & his wife.

When she passed away, I didn't think about the will for a long time, until it occurred to me that I'd not been notified about it. A call to the lawyer's office resulted in the secretary saying they didn't have any copies. The surrogate court's clerk said nothing had been filed with the court. I found I couldn't obtain any assistance in my current location because they didn't deal with out-of-state issues, and no one in the state where this occurred wanted to be bothered. (This included attorneys & Legal Aid in both states).

I received a small package in the mail containing 3 small photo albums. It was followed by an email from Rob or his wife (they used the same email account), saying they were going through all my parents' possessions and would see what they would send to me. Received nothing else, heard nothing more.
In response to my email, I eventually received a short, typed, unsigned note from Rob- it said my parents had used all of their money in their later years, the county took what was left to pay her nursing home bills, and the will was never even read because 'there was nothing left.'

There are too many contradictions. Examples:
1. My parents did not believe in extravagance; to them a 'big day' was going to McDonald's;
2. While they were far from wealthy, they had a successful business for around 25 years, invested in CD's during that time, had social security, insurance, and my father's Veterans benefits;
3. They were married for 58 years, owned quite a bit of personal stuff;
4. My mother was in the nursing home for I'm guessing less than two years.
Yet I'm to believe all the financial investments, personal property, & even my kids' savings bonds just 'disappeared.'

I have paralegal training, but never came across this subject- even if your executor is one of your closest blood-relatives, the person needs to be bonded. I'd also add if you're drawing up your will, don't appoint the most irresponsible member of your family as executor, and certainly do not give them power-of-attorney. In fact, when the oldest of my kids was a young child & I prepared my own will, the attorney in charge said nothing about these issues. I guess most people believe it's a legal document that MUST be adhered to, and that your attorney will be involved so it is. But I learned that's not the case at all.

 

Oh, this sounds like a Huge tangled web @Janice Martin. I'm sorry this has happened in your family, and I'm no help whatsoever to you, but I'm gonna bump this up for someone who might know more about these things and hopefully have some suggestions for you.

 

@Janice Martin Sorry about what is happening. This is not something to speculate about, and while people can sympathize and maybe even relate they don't have the answers - you really need to consult with an attorney who handles estate law. Good luck to you.