There is a saying here that when a woman becomes a widow, she would survive but when a man becomes a widower the probability is high that he will not live for long. My father died in 1994 and my mother, despite being hit by a stroke 5 years ago is still alive although not kicking anymore since she is wheelchair-bound already. There are many instance that when the wife dies, the husband follows suit within a year. That is why some people believe that men are generally weak when it comes to loneliness.
Well, my x-wife is still alive and kicking. And, I thrive on solitude. I can and do, go for days without seeing or speaking to anyone, and it doesn't bother me. However, I do know of cases like you mentioned. Some people just can't handle being alone.
I think it works both ways, especially when people have been married for so many years. With our neighbors the husband died first and a year or so later the wife died.
I think separated couples are not part of that category. The point of that is that a husband is weak to handle the stress brought about by being alone while the wife is emotionally strong as to handle the rigors of loneliness,. As they used to say, life goes on without my husband. But, of course, it's just a saying and I don't really think it is true in all cases. And maybe it can serve as a warning for the children of a recently widowed father to take good care of him.
Well I don't plan on following that course of action. I loved my hubby with all my heart for over 47 years, and I felt like I wanted to follow him when he died. But when you have those that look to you for an example of how to survive in today's world, you can't just leave without at least trying. I don't know what life has in store for me, but I do want to find out. Life has never been easy for me, so the hardships of being a widow are just more of life's challenges. Life without challenge doesn't provide a reason to prevail. Without the struggles of life it is easier to just give up. We all need to be able to strive toward something.
My husband died 12 years ago and I'm also still here. There are struggles in life wether you are alone or with someone, so far my struggles have been minor, although at the time they are happening they seem huge to me. I don't really think I'm afraid of dying (in my sleep) but I have never wanted to die. Sometimes I get too comfortable in my way of life and then can get depressed at the rut I'm in. I feel I'm in that rut now. In my family all the husbands died first, my grandfathers and my father.
Have know a number of couples where one has passed and the other lived a long, full life after. Others.... My Mother passed after a 10 -year fight with cancer. When she left, my dad sat down and for all practical purposes died the same day. He would get up in the morning, walk out to the recliner and turn on tv. At night, he would turn off the tv and head back to bed. If someone didn't see that he ate or bathed... he didn't. He just wanted to go. My wife took care of an elderly couple for many years. When the lady passed, the gentleman said he wanted to go too. He lasted less than a year and got his wish. OTOH, my father-in-law passed at an early age of 49. My mother-in-law kept working and traveled and lived until 70. I have a good golfing friend who has been a widower for 15 years. He spends his time playing golf, entertaining grandkids, and reading library books. If I do predecease my wife, I hope she has many enjoyable years after I'm gone.
I think it depends how co-dependent the relationship was, my father-in-law died at 90 and his wife followed within the year, they were totally dependent on each other, and she couldn't see any point in life without him. I also believe the length of the marriage/relationship can also have an effect. I have come across both men and women who have started afresh after their partner/spouse dies, I am comfortable with being alone and at the moment certainly would want to go on living if Lisa died before me.