Some time ago a cousin of mine named Dave, was recovering from injuries received in a car accident. His mom was in a nursing home in another town and he had no way to visit her. I offered free transportation anytime he wanted. Well, Dave took me up on my offer. Anytime he had an appointment or errands to run around town or visits to see mom, I was there. When Dave's mom died, I went to the visitation. I paid my respects and was visiting with my aunt and another cousin. Dave came over and said, "well, you came and saw her. You can leave now". My aunt said, "seems we're not wanted here". I felt used by that. Awhile later I learned Dave was sent to a nursing home in another town. I don't know if he's still alive or not.
How sad. I think I might have just wrote that off as someone that does not know how to deal with grief. Families can be very difficult to work out inter relationship wise. Sometimes just by virtue of blood it seems people feel like they can throw what would be considered good manners right out of the window. We went to this picnic one time that was for my uncle, it was to celebrate his career as a fireman. My uncle is now very up in years and has Parkinsons. My aunt was there and she is quite elderly as well. I went to say hello and at the time she was surrounded and talking to many people I really did not know, so I had a seat and talked with my other aunt her sister. You would have thought that I had done something terrible. My first aunt made such a big deal out of the fact I didn't speak to her first. Another time that stuck in my mind was one Christmas I had got a red dress that was in my opinion very flattering and was on sale. I wore it to my family dinner and was telling my sister I wanted to wear the dress to the upcoming company Christmas party. At which point my father says "who the hell are you trying to impress?" I was both shocked and mortified at that comment because the dress was very conservative and not overly fancy. I ignored it but really till this day I do not understand what he was trying to get at. Family sometimes says goofy things.
My dad and mom were both diabetic. In later years they would say some strange things. Often, they would talk about my brother or me as if we were not there even though we were sitting in the same room. It was embarrassing to hear what was being said about us when we were present as if we were not there, especially when others were there.
It is hurtful when people that you think or want to be as loving to you as you are to them say mean things to you and think it is ok and it is more so when that person is family. I have come to disagree with that saying that it's family and you have to do all things for family even when they hurt you.
I don't really know, but maybe your cousin Dave is ill. Since he went to a nursing home rather quickly I figure your cousin Dave maybe ill and that's why he acted and said the things he said to you. It was so very kind of you to help your family. I hope things go well for the family and soon it'll be the holidays. Holidays are better when family is in a happy mode. Wish you and your family the best. Take care.
I have witnessed similar incidents where ungrateful relatives showed their bad manners. But those ingrates are not exactly relatives, they are family. I'm sorry to say but they are siblings of my husband who are all materialistic. No, they it's not me they slighted but my husband, their own brother who had nothing in mind but to help them. I saw with my eyes how those siblings would manipulate the situation so they get the advantage. It's so hard to go into details because it's really unpleasant to talk about it. Now my husband is at peace in our home. His parents had both died and all his 3 siblings - an older brother and 2 sisters are all legal residents in America. Although they are estranged, I cannot blame my husband when he says he has no siblings to speak of.
I haven't seen or talked to my brother for years. His wife would call me sometimes to see how I was. At some point during our phone conversation she would say, "hold on, I have another call coming in". She called me. The other caller should wait until we're finished. Last time she did that I hung up and she hasn't called me since.
Sorry to read about how your cousin took your kindness for granted. Funerals can sometimes bring out the worst in people. Matter of fact, the last one I attended (my father-in-law) was a big train wreck of insensitive family members. Best to remember, that you are good person and other people have their own demons to deal with that have nothing to do with us. What kind, insightful words, Krissttina! I try to look for the reasons behind other peoples insensitive words and actions to rationalize their actions. Sometimes, I am able to comprehend and understand why; other-times, there is just no justification! Oh yeah, my husband has some sisters that are totally materialistic. It is sad how relationships deteriorate due to selfishness. I can always relate to how it is not even worth it to go into details. Sometimes, it is just best to move on. Glad to hear your husband is at peace!
Some of you might remember me, although the last several months have been very busy and hectic for me, I try to at least read some of your posts when I get the opportunity. Awhile back, I explained that my family was not happy with the way I've decided to live my life since my husband died last December. I've chosen to sell our old home, and move to the country where the living is at a slower pace. Houston, Texas, can be brutal to live in, as most large cities can be. If my grandchildren want to see me they will have to drive a whole hour more, and they feel that I am being selfish. In the first place, I can't afford to live in this old log cabin for much longer, the yard work alone is $200. a month. I bought myself a new car, on my husband advice, just before he died. Then my doctor told me I needed to buy a manual/electric wheel chair, not the little scooter I had. I also went ahead and bought one of those Sleep IQ Number beds to help with the times I get stuck in bed, and I admit to enjoying the messages, and the ability to set propped up with my legs raised. My plan is to build a 40'X40' open one room efficiency, out in the Sam Houston National Forrest. This will let me stay independent, and live an easier life. Just yesterday one of the grandkids said to me, " Well if I had property to sell, I guess I could spend money like water too." That was such an ignorant statement that I just ignored it. If my husband was still alive, of course I wouldn't have to do any of this. They recently paid attention to the fact that I've been talking about a long trip to Colorado, California, Nevada, then back to Texas. Of course, there goes irresponsible Grams. I leave at the end of this week. I'm only 63, and I do believe it is still my choice.
I think that pretty much all of us remember you, Ina. It is entirely your choice. Have fun with your life and do the things that make you happy.
Of course we remember you Ina. I've learned to ignore my relatives (except my wife) and do what is best for us. If we don't have anything left for them to inherit....that's their problem. We worked for what we have and we intend to enjoy it as best we can.
Thank you @Ken Anderson, @Sheldon Scott, Between Yvonne Smith, and many of you, I am learning that I too matter. What gets me is that they know there will be Life Insurance, but they still get upset about what I am spending now. I know how to handle my finances, I was an accountant for over 20 years. I think I'll follow your lead Sheldon. I've deciced to ignore them until they get their senses back. Two more days, and I'm away on my trip. I'll be sending pictures as I go. PS: I love you guys!
You seem to be in the same boat with my husband. I don't think it is proper to discuss it here because it is too personal but for the sake of this forum, let me. My husband's 3 siblings are all in the US but 2 of them were here when the ancestral home was sold, they were here to handle the proceeds and the proceeds is the money, all 7 million pesos. Half was shared by the siblings and half was given to their father. When their father passed away in North Carolina, the brother in LA and the sister in Vegas went to the funeral. From what I gathered, they had a big fight there. Fortunately, my husband is here in the Philippines, quiet and peaceful in our home. Now here is the big question. My father-in-law had a pension of more than $1,200 and that 7 million pesos... all gone in a matter of 2 years. He was living with his youngest daughter who is most shrewd. Now all 3 of them are avoiding my husband. No emails, no calls, no communications whatsoever because they are all afraid of the question that my husband might ask them. Where is their father's money?