The Strange Ways in Which a Man's Brain Works

Discussion in 'Tall Tales & Fabrications' started by Yvonne Smith, Mar 24, 2015.

  1. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Very Well-Known Member
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    This story was actually written by my husband after a shocking experience that he had early one morning.
    It is repeated here as a really fine example of how a husband can see things so very differently than his wife does, sometimes.
    Here is what he wrote :

    Twas a cool morning getting out of bed this morning My brain was still not really in first gear and not ready to even think about difficult things like the theory of relativity or possums.
    Bare feet and no glasses are a morning test for even the most experienced of us on the journey to play revelee to the porcelain goddess, because that is where it all happened.

    Barely stepping into the bathroom I saw, with an almost blind left eye, a very large possum looking thing lurking in the bathtub. " For the love of pete," I thought, "the thing must weigh at least 40 pounds or more as large as it is!!" Forgetting the original morning calling I instantly allowed the adrenaline to consume my body and brain. Like a ninja I stealthily stepped backward a foot or two while at the same time deciding my weapon of choice. The Broom!! Flashes of photographs of me on the cover of "Bubba's, gotta kill somethin',' magazine. Or, maybe even on a Peta's most wanted poster of me standing, with my bloodied broom in hand, over the grizzly beast from Hades!
    Then, the eyes and brain cleared a bit and I could see the animal for what it was!

    A derned half dead Boston Fern my wife put in the bathtub the night before so she could soak it.
    Slightly embarassed, I did don my glasses, just so I could make sure. Yup, a Boston Fern. No cover of a magazine, no wanted poster, no bloody broom. Worst of all, the call for revelee came back but I couldn't find that cowardly bugle boy for an hour after the incident! Derned Boston Fern,.....no photos......no broom...no possum....I hate possums!

    Life is interesting at our house..............Any possums in your bathtub?
     
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  2. Pat Baker

    Pat Baker Well-Known Member
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    Cute it is amazing how your mind will play tricks on you. You see one thing and think it is something else especially when you first wake up.

    No possums in my bathtub.

    I fell asleep on my arm one time, the arm had no feeling, I was dreaming about mice for some reason, thought my arm was a mouse, I ran to the front door and had it open before I realized it was my own arm. I just looked around to make sure no one was there to see me running out the front door from a dream.
     
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  3. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Very Well-Known Member
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    This seemed like a good place to add another (true) tale about a possum.
    I think that I might have mentioned somewhere along the line that we have a resident o'possum who lives around here, and usually wanders around the back yard and even up onto the porch sometimes late at night.
    Well, tonight when I let the three dogs out for their last promenade around the yard, it just so happened that Mr. Possum was right outside of the back door and along side of the house looking for leftovers.
    Tootsie was naturally in her best Guard Dog mode, and immediately went after him. Elise froze in place and stared at this strange creature with all of the teeth and was not about to help Tootsie remove the possum. She has probably never seen a possum before, and had no interest in learning more about one.
    Chipper, all unknowing of any problems at all, just went on about his nightly business. (Sometimes being half blind and deaf is probably a blessing)
    Anyway, the poor possum was terrified, lying there on his side , gasping and making possum-crying sounds. I called Tootsie away and told her that he was harmless and to leave him alone, which she did, content in the knowledge that she had done her duty as a guard dog and protected Chipper and Elise.
    Once Tootsie moved away, then Elise followed close beside her, just in case the possum did prove to be dangerous, and they went out in the back yard and finished their nightly business and then headed for the back door to come back inside.
    Chipper had no clues that he had been saved from a fearsome monster; but I am pretty sure that both Elise and the possum were glad when the dogs came back inside for the night.
     
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  4. Frank Sanoica

    Frank Sanoica Very Well-Known Member
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    Opossums have the most horrible-looking curved fangs I've seen on any small mammal. We had a trap set in MO to catch the groundhog eating my wife's garden, did catch one, but next catch was a Possum. It hissed and snarled as I approached, baring those incredible teeth.

    Funny story from way back: My Grandpa worked at Firestone Tire in Chicago, a factory operation where they stripped the worn-out tread off truck tires. One day, a Greyhound bus came in, and the guy setting up to remove it's wheels came running out, frightened as could be, a big Black guy, hollering "Ders the biggest rat Ahs ever seed"! A Possum was hanging upside down off one of the driving axles! Frank
     
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    Last edited: Dec 21, 2016
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  5. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    Ha ha - good stories there
    I've only tried to kill a false eyelash thinking it was a spider ! :eek:
    :p
     
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  6. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Once during my youth in South Carolina, my brother and I were walking to the country store close to our home and we came across a possum on the side of the road that had evidently been run over by a car. The possum was dead but the most amazing thing was that she was giving birth to her babies even after her death. I made my brother run home and get an old shoe box and some kleenex and I took those birthed babies and gently laid them in the nest I made for them. I did my best to save those babies, feeding them watered down carnation milk with an eye dropper, and keeping them warm in their nest with the heat from a small lamp. But they all ended up dying in spite of all I did to try to save them. At that time in my life I was interesting in becoming a Nurse when I grew up, but after losing my "first patients" I had second thoughts about that career.
     
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  7. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Very Well-Known Member
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    The opossum is an interesting little creature, for sure. As @Frank Sanoica pointed out, they have the sharpest sharky-looking teeth ever, and they look like they would be a very vicious little critter, and even more-so when they start that weaving and hissing at you with their teeth bared.
    Although they look like some kind of an overgrown furry rat, they are not a rodent at all, and instead they are a marsupial, like the kangaroo.

    The possum you found must have just been hit by a car right before you arrived on the scene, @Babs Hunt , for it to still been having live babies.
    Many years ago, back when I was selling insurance, and on the road every day, I found a baby possum all alone and sitting in the middle of the road as I drove around a curve.
    I had never seen a baby one before, and probably only dead ones on the side of the road, so I stopped and went back to rescue him. He saw me, and was sitting up , hissing and weaving at me, with those sharp little teeth bared, and I was afraid to try and pick him up. I dumped out my container of soda pop and scooped him up in the empty cup and took him home in that.
    Since he was "Found On Roadside (almost) Dead" , I named him "Edsel" , after the old slogan about Fords. We called him Ed, and he lived for at least a couple of weeks , hissing at me every time I fed him with the tiny baby-bottle of warmed milk. He seemed like he was doing fine; but one morning he was just dead in his little blanket, so I don't know what went wrong; but my efforts at raising a baby possum didn't work out either.
     
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  8. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Yes, I can remember thinking that too Yvonne as her body was still warm. I actually "performed" my first C-section on that possum to help her birth some of those babies.
     
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  9. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Veteran Member
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