A little long but I need advice. Or just opinions. We were best friends for over 25 years. Wherever you saw Helen you saw Lee and our husbands were the same. And a disagreement changed that four years ago and that arguement was so bad we moved away never intending to see them again. We reconnected two years later, she contacted me and we exchanged emails, phone calls and have actually been seriously thinking the last few months of moving back. I had not heard from her for a couple of months till last night when she called me crying with the words "I am going to be a widow" Her husband is dying and has less than six months. We cried together. Then this morning a car pulled into our driveway that we did not recognize. I opened the door to my stepson who has been estranged for over 10 years. He was always close to me, it was not stepmom ....I was MOM and it broke our hearts when he cut us off for no apparent reason. A wonderful reunion and he is now on medication. When I think how close we came to listing the house for sale my head spins. We would have been moving back several hundred miles away from my stepson. Our modest home is in an area in which homes go very quickly, sometimes the same day. It's a tough call. I worry that we will get cut off again but so much want to hope we will again be a family. Any thoughts.
As much as you want to be there physically for your friend, your relationship will doubtless change very much after she becomes a widow, in as much as the friendship was of a foursome, 2 couples by and large from what I gather from your post. A friendship that was shattered quite easily by a disagreement between the men....so not... albeit that your friend will be widowed...a friendship to make a life decision on where to live, particularly at this stage in your life...however, if that had been your intention anyway to return to that area, then you would have the benefit of having your friend back in your life. That said, her life may change out of all recognition in other ways once she's alone..she may meet and marry again and move away...or marry someone you don't get along with...or loads of other scenarios. if it were me...I would be rejoicing at the return of my son, and stay put....at least until you know where things are going to lead.. It sounds like your son is in desperate need of you and his dad and feels regret at what he's done to you both by leaving you so bereft, so I would put my move on hold and wait it out...if as you say your house can sell in 24 hours...then further down the line if things don't work with your son as you hoped, you can make that decision to move. In the meantime you can just lend your support along with her friends and family to Helen, in the best way possible while she's going through this awful time...while looking after your own family first.
What you said, @Holly Saunders , is just about exactly what I was thinking , too. It is hard to know what her friend Helen will end up doing after her husband is gone. She might not want to live in the house anymore, and want to move out closer to her family elsewhere, or even move to the town where @Missy Lee lives and be close to each other there, as she picks up the pieces of her life. Staying where you are for now seems like the best solution to me, too,Lee, and if you do decide to move, then your stepson can just move along with you. If you are in a position to go and spend some time with your friend while she is dealing with her husband's illness, then that might be a good thing to do, and would help her to have the support of her best friend.
Wow, that's a lot happening lee! I really need more info about your stepson and what happened to the relationship. Also, how old is he, etc. but knowing the little I know I would stay put for now..your house will sell quickly if you have a change of plan. Also, sorry to hear about your friend's husband, also your friend. It's tough on the person who's the caregiver too...been there. Good thoughts all around, Lee!
You gals are the greatest It often takes looking at a situation through someone else's eyes to see the clear picture. What is said is true....she likely will not stay in the house and will probably move in with her daughter to an area which is well beyond my means to live in as it is quite pricey apartment wise. Also when sanity takes over I realize that she has only been reaching out to me to prop her up as her husband's illness started slowly but has now become full blown cancer. During all the long distance conversations it centered around her....seldom was anything ever said that Lee is also taking care of a hubby who has had heart surgery followed by 3 heart attacks and now COPD is suspected. I know she sees in me "the strong one" and she would take advantage of that not wanting to bother her own family. We will stay put for awhile and see how things go. Connecting back with family IS more important. We had ran into his girlfriend while out shopping one day and told her we had moved back to the area almost 5 years ago which was a surprise to her. We asked of course about the stepson and told her where we lived but months went by and we gave up thinking he still did not want contact. But he did as she had lost the address but he went to the trouble to come out to the mobile home community and ask people where we lived and just showed up at the door. OMG good thing hubby did not have a fourth heart attack! And it's going to turn out ok, I may visit Helen, not sure yet as I will see how she takes this news.....she never liked my stepson. And nothing says that we still can't move, that option is open but the move may be to an apartment in town. We shall see. Thanks for the advice gals, and thank you for listening
Oh Missy lee I'm sorry that your husband is struggling with health issues, but I do hope that having your son back in his life will calm him and relieve him of at least one major stress. Good luck .. I think you've chosen the correct path!
Reading your reply I just remembered you do know what being a caregiver is like! Sorry, slipped my mind. Have got a lot going on... heading home and new fence and gate being put up today. I should be back to normal by tomorrow and can concentrate. The way you talked it all out seems like the best decision.
Lee, just out of concern, I'd be careful and cautious dealing with the son. My wife's sister has been on medication for schizophrenia for years and when she doesn't take the med, her personality can really change. Don't know what your son is on medication for, but it's best to be careful and cautious. My wife has a friend she graduated high school with back in 1967. They done a number of things together during their high school years and she was my wife's Maid of Honor at our wedding. At one time, they were very, very close and I've got a number of photos to prove it. When she got Lupus, this all changed. Her personality has changed so much, her husband of 40+ years can have a hard time getting along with her. We see them a few times a year for dinner, but that's it. My wife hated losing the closeness they had at one time, but my wife told me "she just not the same lady I once knew".
Cody, I do hear you loud and clear and while I desperately want my stepson back in our lives I know it can change. He did mention he is now on one drug seraquil and something else which he did not elaborate on. I suspect bi-polar is part of the demons he fights. But he says he stopped drinking several years ago so hope he finally is getting his life in order. My only regret is that it took so long.
My SIL does have her good times, but, basically, she will never get totally better. She isn't even included anymore in family holiday get-togethers. They don't want to take the chance of her getting upset about something around one of the kids. She doesn't like taking her medicine, and when she doesn't, trouble can happen.