"sunkist Newposter"

Discussion in 'Personal Diaries' started by Janice Martin, Nov 26, 2015.

  1. Sorry I'm not very creative, couldn't think of a good screen name on the spur of the moment, but have a question: there was a forum I was a member of for many years; awhile back, a member started giving me trouble; it got quite messy. When I found a different forum, two individuals from the first place located me and started harassing and insulting me. I'd consider it stalking.

    As I couldn't find TOS here, would it be allowed/appropriate for me to post about my experiences and ask if anyone here has advice?
    I'm quite rattled over the whole thing- not only the harassment, but being followed around by those individuals.
    But I don't want to violate any rules, so that's why I'm asking.
     
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  2. Terry Page

    Terry Page Supreme Member
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    Welcome to the forum Sunkist the admin stuff is here you need to change your name to a real sounding one, not necessarily your own. I will PM you about my take on the other stuff.
     
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  3. Terry Page

    Terry Page Supreme Member
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    Welcome Janice, enjoy your time here it's a gentle safe place to be I have found with lots of interesting members and a wide range of topics.

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  4. The way I see it, it's less about “a forum” than about “Integrity”- a concept that seems to be disappearing in recent years.


    For any community (IRL or online) to function effectively, the rules need to apply equally to everybody. But while the forum's TOS was 'as long as your arm' and appeared to make sense, they were NOT applied equally. As one example: prior to that recent mess, I'd only received two 'infractions' during all those years- I was given an 'infraction' because, in a thread that was about not allowing people to come into the US unless they could prove they were 100% literate to read & write English, I noted numerous spelling errors in the person's post and pointed it out. A moderator told me correcting someone's spelling is a 'personal attack.' Yet- when a new member persisted with insulting remarks to me, the mods ignored it.


    Weirder yet, mods don't follow their own TOS.

    So the bottom line was I wasn't 'banned for life' over breaking a rule, I was banned for life over following the instructions that were on the forum itself- it clearly said if you have a problem with a senior moderator, bring it to the attention of the administrator. What they do not tell people is the senior mods and admin are all co-owners of the site.


    The second oddity: mods can't even keep their own stories straight. One regular mod and one senior mod said the problems with the 'offending member' could be resolved so the person would not bother me again and I could enjoy the forum again. After being left hanging for a week or so, both of these individuals told me I wouldn't be able to return. I have no idea what went on behind the scenes, why they suddenly changed their tune.


    So what it came down to: after being a participating member for around eight and a half years- on the forum and also contributing positive reviews of local businesses- not having any real problems on the forum abruptly changed when a new member joined. He started with Direct Messages, then started posting snotty emoticons and 'lols' on my posts; when I put him on my Ignore list, he really started beefing up the insults because he did not wish to be ignored- insults along the line of calling me childish, immature, juvenile, etc., and going as far as to post 'if you can't take it, you shouldn't be here.'


    At the end of my rope, I posted a 'note to moderators' directly on the forum- this was the only rule I broke, and I apologized repeatedly for it. However, while a senior mod restricted my forum privileges because of this, getting permanently banned was due to bringing the entire mess to the main guy's attention. He never replied, but the consequence was going to the site and seeing I was permanently banned, 'no reason specified.'


    My first thought was wondering if anyone else had had these experiences; when I Googled, I found huge numbers of former members with similar experiences- generally a matter of being banned for reporting bullying/harassment to mods. Dopier yet, mods referred to reporting bullying as 'trolling,' which isn't even the definition of the word.


    So, a bunch of us former members were comparing notes on another large site. Two individuals from the first forum located me there, and began bothering me there too. The first individual had access to material that only moderators had access to, and posted it on the second site, along with addressing me in a condescending manner. The second individual actually claimed to be a mod, and said to me 'Cry all you want- the infractions will continue.' These two following me to a different site and posting this stuff amounted to stalking and harassment. I emailed the company owner, but he didn't reply to that either.


    Well, they claim to be one of the largest sites on the web- and that's one reason for this mess. With thousands upon thousands of members, and new members joining regularly, Staff does not have to be fair to members, and consider it no big deal to kick people out without just cause. Like the old saying, they're 'too big for their britches.'

    The second reason is the way they mislead members with the 'chain of command'- telling members who to contact for assistance, and then banning us when we follow those instructions.


    Sorry this post is so long.
     
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  5. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Senior Staff
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    That sounds like it was a real frustration, @Janice Martin ! Sometimes, it is much nicer belonging to a small forum like this one, plus we have the best administrator in the world.
    Not only that, he is totally fair; so you will not encounter any of the issues that you had in the large forums, on here.
    We have all been pretty carefully inviting friends from other forums; while making sure we do not invite people with connections to any of the usual troublemakers, (which somehow seem to arrive on all forums).

    Eventually, we may end up with one on here; but if all of us stand up to the trouble maker, and we know we have the impartial backing from the forum admin, it should not become a large problem like you encountered elsewhere.
    So, relax, have some coffee at the cafe, and just make yourself at home here.......
     
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  6. Thank you!!! I'm really glad I found this place!! :)
     
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  7. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Supreme Member
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    Welcome Janice...I have to say I've witnessed what you've encountered on many forums over the years and it's not only extremely unfair, it's frustrating, and IMO also a form of bullying by those who are given a little bit of power!

    I'm sorry you've been the target in this situation and I suspect you feel that you have lost online friends too as well as a little bit of your daily structure , extremely upsetting to anyone who feels they have been unfairly treated.

    However, this forum is small but growing ,, and extremely friendly, and may be a little oasis in a storm for you while you try and get your head around what is clearly something which has upset you deeply.
     
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