Stepfather In The Hospital

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Kitty Carmel, May 24, 2018.

  1. Kitty Carmel

    Kitty Carmel Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    May 9, 2016
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    Thanks @Babs Hunt though I admit I'm very resentful. I've spent much of my life alone, never married because of the house I grew up in and have no want to be someone's caregiver. The tire thing is just poor judgement and his thinking that it will be stolen I'm sure. Which is ridiculous.

    @Don Alaska I don't know about the home care or if he will accept it. Will have to see. As far as being a burden, I'm not sure how he feels about it. My mother loved to be a burden and had an insatiable need for attention. She was what I know now to be a Borderline Personality Disorder. My stepfather was her enabler and put up with her all those years. But he chose to marry her. Not knowing what he was getting into of coarse.
     
    #26
  2. Kitty Carmel

    Kitty Carmel Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    May 9, 2016
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    My stepfather is at the nursing and rehab facility as of yesterday. I went there an hour after he was supposed to be admitted but he wasn't there yet, so I went over this morning and will again this afternoon on my way to see his cats.

    I incompetence is so blatant. The AM nurse told me she had no number for me or information sheet. This is typical as they don't think about what is needed, just getting the admission. And no one even bothered to turn on the closed captioning on the TV for him so I did. These are the little things I've tried to do for patients over the years but I've known it to be lacking in many. I'll be watching them closely.

    Already there were 3 people I've known working there.
     
    #27
    Frank Sanoica and Chrissy Cross like this.
  3. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2015
    Messages:
    17,050
    Likes Received:
    15,682
    Hopefully it helps that they know that you know how things work. :)
     
    #28
  4. Kitty Carmel

    Kitty Carmel Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    May 9, 2016
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    My stepfather told me where his check book is and I am unable to find it there. I looked other places for it. He said it was in his bottom night stand drawer. The drawer is so heavy with stuff it can be barely opened and closed. I removed things and looked and looked. Why would he put his check book that is needed in such a hard place to access, even for him at 88. I feel like I've been pulled into the twilight zone of weird, senseless decisions and I'm now stuck there in his world.
     
    #29
    Frank Sanoica likes this.
  5. Kitty Carmel

    Kitty Carmel Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    May 9, 2016
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    I don't want to be expected to support myself and him off my checkbook.
     
    #30
    Frank Sanoica and Chrissy Cross like this.
  6. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2015
    Messages:
    17,050
    Likes Received:
    15,682
    What a mess and and unneeded hassle for you @Kitty Carmel ...he doesn't seem like the easiest person to deal with even under normal circumstances.
     
    #31
  7. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2016
    Messages:
    7,022
    Likes Received:
    8,842
    Maybe he means his extra blank checks are in that drawer @Kitty Carmel.

    Wouldn't he have needed his checkbook when he went in the hospital, etc. or for paying any recent bills? It would seem he would have an area for bill paying that you might find the checkbook in. Or maybe in the things he took to the hospital.

    I know it makes it harder on you...but he is 88 years old and I'm sure it's getting harder to remember the things he used to have no problem recalling.
     
    #32
  8. Kitty Carmel

    Kitty Carmel Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    May 9, 2016
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    @Babs Hunt and @Chrissy Cross Thanks for your replies.

    I saw him this morning and asked again about the checks. He says the book is in that drawer and told me where the extra checks are if I can't find the book. I asked why he had the check book in such a heavy hard to get to draw and as I suspected he said something like "someone could break in" This is so rediciulous. Firstly no one is there now and secondly he lives in a 55 plus mobile park. Safe, close nosy neighbors. NO ONE is breaking in.

    I'm sure the medical bills will roll in. He has medicare and supplemental through his retirement with the county. He has money but acts like he is broke. In the end it could all go to a nursing home.
     
    #33
    Chrissy Cross likes this.
  9. Kitty Carmel

    Kitty Carmel Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    May 9, 2016
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    My brother also called. Conversation went so-so. He asked if I have a problem taking care of our stepfather all while he is 3000 miles away. And he insists he offered for our stepfather to move back east which of coarse he wasn't going to do. Support from him is iffy.
     
    #34
    Chrissy Cross likes this.
  10. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2015
    Messages:
    17,050
    Likes Received:
    15,682
    Does he have any biological children? Are you and your brother both step children?

    Did he raise you? Are you close?

    Not being nosey, just curious.
     
    #35
  11. Kitty Carmel

    Kitty Carmel Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    May 9, 2016
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    @Chrissy Cross Don't worry about asking questions. He has no biological children. I was about 7 when he and my mother got married. My oldest brother was then almost 18 and left shortly. So it was myself and my other brother 2 years older than me.

    Close is hard to say. Home life was so bad. I can just remember as a kid being glad when my mother was screaming at my stepfather because she then wasn't screaming at me at the time. It's such a complicated mess. He was the only father figure I ever had but I've never felt close to him. But I can't just abandon him as he put up with my mother, supported us. Without his income we would have been up the creek. But he stayed with my mental case mother all those years. I couldn't wait to get out of the house. Then she just had him to torture.
     
    #36
    Chrissy Cross likes this.
  12. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2015
    Messages:
    17,050
    Likes Received:
    15,682
    Thanks for the info @Kitty Carmel ...yes, you're in a tough position. :(

    It certainly doesn't help that he's such a pain in the butt type of person....frustrating to say the least.

    It would be nice if you could get your brother to help..in some way. 3,000 miles is quite a distance though.
     
    #37
  13. Kitty Carmel

    Kitty Carmel Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    May 9, 2016
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    Thanks a lot @Chrissy Cross I went in for the meeting today. It was just the social worker and head of therapy. The therapy lady seemed pretty sharp. She has concerns about living alone once he goes home but stated he is doing well with therapy. On track or above. They talked about assisted living. Those places are so expensive. But he could swing it with savings also if all isn't taken by bills. Though he should be covered with most of the medical bills. Just hard to know. Also they would want him to get a life alert type thing.

    My brother stated he'd come out for "a couple of days" but in the end what would that do and he would have that sense of relief going home. They asked if he would go to Virginia to live with my brother and he said no. I can't see living with my stepdad myself. I'm sorry to say. Thanks for listening.
     
    #38
    Chrissy Cross likes this.
  14. Kitty Carmel

    Kitty Carmel Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    May 9, 2016
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    I just got an e mail from my brother asking if there is anyway he can call our stepfather on fathers day. I sent a reply letting him know of coarse there isn't and he seems to just want to make this one phone call and think all is well. This is very typical of my brother. He wants to put on the five minute show. When in the past he's gotten that nasty tone of voice toward me stating when he talks to our stepfather "I can't understand him anyway!" Yes he can be a bit hard to understand at times due to the hearing loss but not usually and I've had to ask him to repeat things over on the phone It's not a big deal.

    My stepfather has finally agreed to get rid of that large china cabinet in the spare bedroom. I'll have to clear everything out. He still won't get rid of my mother's creepy dolls. He stated to take most things in there to the thrift shop. Therapy is worried about him living alone and when I mentioned this he stated he didn't want to talk about that, he'll be fine. I can just see the problems in the future already.

    And I guess I'll have to be there and go through everything to have the flooring replaced in that bedroom.
     
    #39
  15. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2016
    Messages:
    7,022
    Likes Received:
    8,842
    If your brother was 18 and left shortly after you Mom married your Stepdad than it is no surprise he feels little concern or responsibility towards him. You on the other hand were only 7 and he was more of a father figure to you for a much longer time. Plus as you said he did support your family and save you from the full wrath of your Mom's problems. Helping him now when he needs it seems to be a really good thing for you to do @Kitty Carmel and I'm proud of you for stepping in there in spite of the fact that it's clear you would rather not have to do this.

    In a way you are all he has now....thank you for helping him. You will be blessed in the end for doing so.
     
    #40
    Yvonne Smith likes this.
  16. Kitty Carmel

    Kitty Carmel Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    May 9, 2016
    Messages:
    1,302
    Likes Received:
    1,203
    Thank you for your reply @Babs Hunt I know I won't be blessed. That is for sure. This is not my oldest brother who is out of the picture. This is my brother who is two years older than me. I'm not in the mood to endure more e mails like he sent me when my mother was ill telling me I'm not doing enough and he made a phone call because he cares so much.
     
    #41
  17. Frank Sanoica

    Frank Sanoica Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2016
    Messages:
    4,798
    Likes Received:
    4,291
    @Kitty Carmel
    Of course not!
    Frank
     
    #42
  18. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2016
    Messages:
    7,022
    Likes Received:
    8,842
    Oh I'm sorry for misunderstanding about your brother Kitty. But I do still believe God will bless you for being a blessing to your Stepfather.
     
    #43

Share This Page