I know he made a great living saying negative things about himself. I always wondered if he was kidding or if he really had a sad view of himself.
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
"A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home."
“My wife’s not too smart. I told her our kids were spoiled. She said, ‘All kids smell that way.'” (These are like potato chips)