Remembering the Love Ones We've Lost

Discussion in 'People I Have Known' started by Mal Campbell, May 6, 2015.

  1. Mal Campbell

    Mal Campbell Well-Known Member
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    I'm very fortunate, both of my parents are still alive. I never really knew my grandparents, three of them died long before I was born, and my grandfather lived far away, so I only met him a few times.

    However, I did lose my brother almost 20 years ago - he was only 39 and died of AIDS. It was very hard. He was sick for about 5 years, and back in the '90s we knew that AIDS was a death sentence. We saw him suffer through several bad infections every year, and eventually he lost his sight, and with that his will to live.

    I remember my brother as a care-free, wild, fun-loving adventurer. He loved life and while he was dirt poor (he choose to become a professional dancer), he never let that stop him from doing things. He was very creative when it came to adventures. He was artistic, positive and a joy to be around.

    When we were kids, he was 5 years older than I and hated when I would tag along with him. He hated having to play with me and used to tease me unmercifully. But once he went off to college, we started to get closer. We didn't see each other as much as I would have liked, but we did talk on the phone. He taught me how to garden and how to do stained glass. He helped to teach me to laugh and have fun - he taught me that, "life is too serious to be taken seriously".

    Even though he's been gone for 20 years, I think of him often and still see things that I want to tell him about. I regret tremendously that he and my son never got the chance to know each other. They are so much alike, I know they would have been great friends.

    How about you - tell us about your lost loved one. The greatest way to honor them is to talk about them and keep their memory alive.
     
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  2. Hannah Davis

    Hannah Davis Active Member
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    Yes, you are very fortunate to still have both your parents. I lost my father sixteen years ago this past April. For my mother its going to be ten years come July. I find this very hard to believe that it been this long for both of them because I can still vividly remember the day they died. No matter how much time goes by that memory is still there.
     
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  3. Pat Baker

    Pat Baker Well-Known Member
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    I lost a good friend last year and I find myself wanting to call him to talk. It is hard at times to believe he is gone. The memory of the things we did together many years ago are still very strong.
     
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  4. Mal Campbell

    Mal Campbell Well-Known Member
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    I remember when my brother was sick, a friend told me that her brother had died 10 years before and there wasn't a day that went by that see didn't think about him. I remember thinking that she was exaggerating - that after 10 years, your memory of them and the pain would certainly diminish. I realize now that she was right, even after 20 years, I find myself thinking of my brother almost every day and wanting to share things with him. I have gotten past the pain, to some degree, and my thoughts of him are almost always happy but often melancholic.
     
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  5. Ruth Belena

    Ruth Belena Active Member
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    My father died in 1968 and my mother in 1978. I had elderly grandfathers who both died before my parents and I never knew my grandmothers. I did have a close relationship with my step-grandmother.

    All these people I remember with love and I shall continue to love and appreciate them. I have now reached the same agegroup as my parents were when they died, and soon I will have been alive longer than either of them.

    This makes life very precious to me. I have always been aware that my parents did not live beyond their early sixties, so I have lived in the belief that I will not have a long life and that I must make the most of each moment of my life.
     
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  6. Linda Mansfield

    Linda Mansfield New Member
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    My father died in the year 2000 at the age of 78. He was fairly healthy right up to the end but died very suddenly from an embolism. It was a terrible shock for our family but he probably knew very little about it. The silly thing is I used to fight with him terribly when I was younger and we said terrible things to each other. I think of him very fondly now and wish I could tell him that I didn't mean the cruel things I said.

    My mum died in February this year at the age of 90. She was very ill, her mobility was poor and she had dementia for a number of years before she passed away. I had mixed feelings when she went because I didn't want to lose her but neither did I want to see her suffer any more. I miss her but I know it was time for her to go.

    When I think of mum and dad I only remember the good times, I can picture them as being young and healthy as they once were and sometimes it's as if I never really lost them because any time I need them I close my eyes and there they are, forever in my memory.
     
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  7. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    I think that parents realize that. Particularly when we are young, it is only natural that we would assume that there will always be a chance to make it right, but as we grow older we realize that may not be the case. My mother died when I was thirteen and on the last day that I saw here, I argued because I didn't want to go to church with her. It wasn't that I didn't want to go to church but that I was working at a Boy Scout camp that summer, and had left my shoes at camp, and I didn't want to wear moccasins to church. Such a nothing thing but, because I never got the chance to make it right, it has bothered me for more than fifty years. She also died of an embolism, in the brain. She had been having headaches, and probably knew she was very sick, but no one told me about that. I had been away for most of the summer.
     
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  8. Ruth Belena

    Ruth Belena Active Member
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    In all the decades since I lost my parents I have always remembered them clearly as they were when they were well and healthy. When they appear in my dreams they are like that too. I think it is comforting that we never need to feel that our loved ones are lost to us.
     
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  9. Krissttina Isobe

    Krissttina Isobe Very Well-Known Member
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    :oops:Indeed I've lost loved ones. These past 5 years our family lost a number of people. They were kind and giving, but mostly they helped us. There was my Aunt Betsy she died so suddenly while she was living with her daughter. My Mother, Aunt Betsy and I had a yearly ritual of spending the New Years together Japanese style with lots of Japanese foods to enjoy. We'd catch up on family events and ate all day. (it's a Japanese custom thing.) My Uncle Morris and Aunt Elsie my Mother's brother and sister passed away before my Aunt Betsy. Every Christmas we'd spend it at my Uncle Morris place. Family would gather and all our favorite foods would appear. It was a pot lock event with BBQ and drinks. Since the passing of my Uncle Morris no more parties. We'd spend Thanksgiving and Christmas at my Uncle Morris home. My Aunt Elsie lived in CA. She went suddenly one day too. We got a call from her husband to let us know my Aunt had passed away. I have found a site that you can light candles for your departed loved ones: healgrief.org. Lighting candles helps me a lot for they will always be remembered. Do you watch LMN channel? There's Rebecca Rosen's show: http://www.mylifetime.com/movies/the-last-goodbye/about-rebecca-rosen
    [​IMG]
    Rebecca Rosen
    There is also on LMN Kim Russo another psychic show Psychic Intervention:http://ghosttvblogs.com/psychic-intervention-with-kim-russo.html
    [​IMG]
    Kim Russo
    They help families who need to know things about their loved ones are now departed.
     
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  10. Corie Henson

    Corie Henson Very Well-Known Member
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    My father died in 1994 but I feel that he is still alive. I don't know why, maybe because I only have good memories of him. He was very supportive of me perhaps because I am his youngest child. He's got 2 wives though and my mother is the second wife with 3 kids. He has 9 children with his first wife. Although my father's children have different mothers, he tried his best to make us bond with each other. And since he earns good as a race horse trainer, his generosity cannot be questioned.

    When he got sick of liver cancer, I was disheartened not with the thought that he would soon die but with his looks. His big built was trimmed by 30 pounds I guess and his demeanor had changed. That was really the saddest part of that, he looked emaciated and there's no doubt he was dying.

    In 2007, we sponsored a big horse race in his name. Aside from the money we had raised, a trophy was awarded to the winning trainer. Here is the photo of that occasion. The kids are my nephews and nieces. The nephew beside me is now a horse trainer. IMG_0993 hensons atoy sordan.JPG
     
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  11. Amy Read

    Amy Read Active Member
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    When I read the title of this thread it brings back memories of my father who had died 22 years ago. Actually all of us in the family are remembering him everyday and sometimes when we are all together at our parents house and as we always saw his portrait in our living room having that beautiful smile in his face we are all teary eyed because it is very regretful that he died not too old only 59 years old. He has still many works and responsibilities to offer to other people. He was an accountant and a lawyer by profession. He is serving 3 companies before which all grieved for his lost because he was very kind to all his subordinates in the companies where he is working. What more to us his family he was a good and loving husband,and father, a good family provider and he had given us all good education and a comfortable home to live. All of us his children had finished already our College Degree and are working already when he died. That is why our mother had no more problems because all the companies where he is rendering his services had gave her his separation pays and monthly she is receiving my father's pension up to the present. Sometimes when I think maybe if he is still alive today the more happiness we had in the whole family especially my mother who is still healthy at her age now 84 years old. The memories of our father will linger forever in our minds and hearts.
     
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  12. Molly Hazel

    Molly Hazel Active Member
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    I lost both of my parents but they were both elderly.
    Also lost my brother in the early seventies ,he died in the bath because the gas company
    did not convert his water heater that was in the bathroom properly and it killed him.
    He had three sons ,the youngest at the time was only three months old.
    Took three years to come to court ,and his wife was compensated.I cried so much for him, and it still upsets me at times.
    On a happier tone I lost a baby I was carrying after I had an operation ,in them days they took them away and you never saw them again,all I new was she lived for 7 hours. That was in the sixties.
    A couple of years ago I did a search and found a birth and death certificate which I did not know about.
    I tried everything to find if she was buried.
    Mentioned it to a lady on a social forum and she found her,it was unbelievable.
    She is buried in a beautiful 800 year old church near a wall but no markings to say exactly .
    The Church priest allowed us to have a small flat plague made and I had it say
    A Tiny flower
    Lent not given
    To bud on earth
    And bloom in heaven.


    We visit there often.......
    .i am so glad I searched for her...
     
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    Last edited: Jan 31, 2016
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  13. Ina I. Wonder

    Ina I. Wonder Very Well-Known Member
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    I think it is possible to live too much with the dead, and I am the worst offender that I know. My grandparents, parents, husband, and both sons are gone. I too think of them daily. All of them. I even have mental conversation with each of them. It's like I know what they would be telling me.

    I have spent most of last year trying to let the people I loved most in the world go. So now I am trying to see the world through living eyes.
     
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  14. Lara Moss

    Lara Moss Very Well-Known Member
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    @Molly Hazel , your story has such a sweet ending. I'm so grateful you received that closure.

    You're wise @Ina I. Wonder and your lost loved ones would want you to to go on living too.
    I found a poem in my late husbands belongings and the last half of it said this:

    …..Then you must not grieve so sorely,
    For I love you dearly still;
    Try to look beyond earth's shadows,
    Pray to trust our Father's will.

    There is work still waiting for you,
    So you must not idle stand;
    Do your work while life remaineth
    You shall rest in our Father's land.

    When that work is all completed,
    He will gently call you home;
    Oh, the rapture of the meeting!
    Oh, the joy to see you come!
     
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    Last edited: Jan 31, 2016
  15. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    I've only lost a few people that I care about. My maternal grandparents and my husband. My father died in 1997 but I didn't shed any tears for him.

    I have fond memories of my loved ones that have died but I never really talk to them. It would be nice if we could though.
     
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  16. Lara Moss

    Lara Moss Very Well-Known Member
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    I know some disagree but in my Christian religion, the Bible warns against contacting the dead. I know it gives comfort to many so I hesitate to mention it but God does give a good reason.
     
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    Last edited: Jan 31, 2016
  17. Ina I. Wonder

    Ina I. Wonder Very Well-Known Member
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    Yes @Lara Moss , that is a beautiful piece. Grief I have learned is a process of tearing one's self from those that you love, in whatever way you loose that love. But you can not go forward without the letting go process, and to do that you must be able to at least see something to look forward to. I have seen those that can not get over their grief, and it is sad to see them give up. I'm not over 'things', and I don't think I ever will be, but at least I'm beginning to see a future.

    @Chrissy Page , of course my conversations are one sided, but sometimes you just know what the other person would tell you. I guess it was more like finishing up left over issues and dreams. I know it is weird, but sometimes I can almost feel my oldest boy hug me, and whisper to me that all would be ok. I can still hear Young Michael's laughter, and Big Michael's solidness still feels like it is there, and that is starting to be a comfort.
     
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