It has occured to me as of this morning that there is a very distinct possibility that the human political world has found it's way into nature. It seems that I have a rogue democrat squirrel on my hands who will not succumb to sound reasoning and just does as it pleases no matter the consequences. Not only does it do as he seems fit, but demands that I must aide him to do so. Instead of doing what the republican squirrels do to find food, which is to collect nuts and forage for it, said squirrel has decided that our plants on the porch are conveniently there for his dining enjoyment. Going from one pot to another the democrat has destroyed at least 3 plants and insists on going for more no matter how much I yell at it or sick the dog on him. It's even tried eating the plastic ivy I put up for extra color and little by little the small plastic leaves are disappearing. After I pulled a couple of the pots away from the railing the derned rodent even decided to sit on the empty stile and bark at me! Typical of most liberal democrats, this derned varmint believes that the benefit of my wife's work should be given to him instead of going out and working for it like the republican squirrels do. Strangely and wonderfully enough my step-daughter gave me a new toy this weekend which might help solve the problem. A hand held, electrically powered water gun! The thing can drill through rocks at close range so it ought to be able to nail this squirrel from 15 feet and at least give the liberal something to think about it. But, here's the problem that I might face: If there are other liberal squirrels around, surely they will deem my actions with the water gun a bit extreme and start to demonstrate and further destroy their surroundings. The possibility of these rodents donning "squirrels lives matter" t-shirts and barking evil slurs at us while parading in front of the house is an ever present threat that I do believe I might have to meet with some type of force. Dern! There's another one and I think it's a Muslim!!! It's facing east and sitting in my bird bath cleaning it's feet.
Well the Rat Patrol,was here and nothing was caught in any traps and no tracks and no rat poop or squirrel poop. She said she thinks the noises I still hear are birds on my roof. Since my roof is tile it echoes. Also could be a possum but there is no sign of life in my attic anymore. So, good to know but I'd wish Pickles would believe her. Off topic but good a place as any to report on rats.
Oh my gosh! Squirrel season? That's a new one unless we are talking about the 2 legged kind which should be all season with a no limit bag n' tag license. But, back to the four legged grey thing with the fuzzy tail,........what ya got for a firearm? 30/30, 10 gauge, 12 gauge over and under, BB's, or 22? I personally would opt for a 50 cal. but would settle for twin 60's with butterfly grips on each. Perhaps even an M-16 auto would appease the gods of war on belligerent democrat rodents. To each his own I guess but you seriously need to start before they are fitted with t-shirts and given a space in Obama's conference room. They won't have to worry about welfare cause there are enough nuts in the Executive branch to feed every last squirrel in America and Canada for 50 or more years. Hmmmm......I really need to keep track of that Muslim squirrel. Could be hiding some refugees coming in from Mexico.
I owe all my success as a top notch squirrel hunter to the liberal I always took with me. I used him as bait.