Oh boy, the games people play. The classic example of PA is the husband comes home and wife won't talk to him. He asks what's wrong and she slams kitchen cupboards/drawers and says "Nothing". Years ago an elderly relative loved to sling indirect insults at people while smiling. People usually let her get away with it because they respected her son - nice guy but horribly henpecked by his mother, sister, wife, and daughter. Clenched teeth, arms folded across chest , responding with a grunt.....are also common examples. I try not to reward PA behavior. I either ignore or frown and ask if they're trying to make some point. How about you?
@Arlene Richards Not so sure about Passive-Aggressive, but our family had plenty of dysfunctionality interlaced with it's happier days in between. Much verbal abuse by my sister's husband, but I never heard her yell back at him. In later years, her younger son, my nephew, revealed the times he had cringed in his bedroom, as his father physically abused his mother, twisting her arms behind her back often, as he described it. But the guy never picked on the kids; there were 5 eventually. I was shocked to learn of this behavior, but glad knowledge of it came late in life, after my sister had died, at age 65. Her bastard husband, big he-man capable of dishing it out to a diminutive woman, backed down at our home during the early years, I was about 15, when my Dad exploded at him in response to the guy's threatening to "break one of the boy's arms". My Dad jumped up from his easychair, closed distance and held his fist a foot from the kids' father, telling him if he ever hurt any of them he (my Dad) would "knock out all his teeth". The big 6-footer, much younger, acquiesced to my Dad's 5 foot-4-inch imposing threat, swore heavily, and left our house. He was, as usual, heavily "oiled", but even that failed to support any bravado. Frank
As clearly indicated in the title this thread is about passive aggressive behavior - not flat out domestic violence or general dysfunction.
@Arlene Richards Well, EXCUUUUUSE me! It's not as though I would know the difference! Sorry if I offended a Clinician of P.A. I'll be sure to steer clear of your threads in the future! Frank
@Frank Sanoica Fine. You steering clear of my threads would please me greatly. Back to topic, folks....... (I hope)
@Frank Sanoica - yes Frank - seems to be common, that if brought up in an aggressive environment, the son will follow in Dad's aggressive behaviour. Never understood this, you would think it had the 'opposite' affect All the negatives in my family, made me the person I became, complete opposite to 'negative'
@Arlene Richards - Does seem to be a 'game' people play Need to mature a bit and talk things through, the attitude you describe achieves nothing
Not trying to add fuel to the fire here, but @Frank Sanoica did make a good point. I didn't know what passive aggressive was either or how to identify the behavior or handle it until I worked in a counseling office. To answer the question though, I used to rack my brain trying to understand what the problem was with questions like, did I do something wrong? since the behavior was displayed in my presence. Now I just go about my business and leave them be. I used to work with someone like that.
I am not sure if this is the P/A that is the issue in this thread. But I have witnessed a couple who has the habit of disagreeing with each other. The wife is quite aggressive while the husband has the propensity to put up his stand but in the end he always loses. Maybe it is called love because despite their regular arguments, they were still together until the wife died 3 years ago after more than 50 years of togetherness. I had the impression that both of them were lurking and waiting for the other party to commit a mistake worthy of a criticism. In other words, it looks like fault-finding was their hobby. Whenever I would witness such a situation, it would always be a conversational piece for me and my husband when we are on our way home.
There was nothing wrong with Frank's contribution to this thread and he didn't deserve to be put down for it. Back to the topic, this is why I've lived alone in my adult life. I don't want to live with that kind of behavior from others.
I am in total agreement with everyone else, I thought what Frank posted was fine, too ! Staying on topic is one thing; blasting a personal attack on someone because they didn't quite follow what the OP wanted to limit the discusssion to, is not what we expect to see in this forum, There should never be a need for personal attacks, in any case, and it is extremely rude and un-called for. Besides, once a forum topic is posted, it is public-domain, so to speak, and not just the property of the OP to control what anyone else contributes to the conversation.
Let's see now.........You have definitely properly demonstrated what the aggressive part of the topic is. If anyone had to google passive / aggressive behavior they only needed to wait a bit for the demonstration. Now, if you would kindly show the good folks on this forum what it means to be passive, I believe that no one will have any doubts as to the true meaning of the topic at hand. There is nothing like a visual I always say!! Good Job.
Examples were given but perhaps a definition would have helped. From the Mayo Clinic "Passive-aggressive behavior is a pattern of indirectly expressing negative feelings instead of openly addressing them. There's a disconnect between what a passive-aggressive person says and what he or she does." "For example, a passive-aggressive person might appear to agree — perhaps even enthusiastically — with another person's request. Rather than complying with the request, however, he or she might express anger or resentment by failing to follow through or missing deadlines."
Oh, for goodness sakes. Yet another thread disrupted by Frank - who, contrary to what he promised is not "steering" anywhere. Back to topic? Yeah, riiiiight. Good luck with that.