No Hugs, Ever

Discussion in 'Other Reminiscences' started by Frank Sanoica, Jan 23, 2020.

  1. Frank Sanoica

    Frank Sanoica Veteran Member
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    As a family, we did not hug. Cannot recall my Dad hugging me one time, young or old. My sister's two boys confirm also, no hugs at home. Not closely-knit? Who knows what defines it? We got along, played, argued, enjoyed doing things together, without hugs. Were we without love?

    Today, I greatly regret the things I didn't say, didn't do for her, and the lag of hugs expressed especially towards my Mother.

    Frank
     
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  2. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    You may be surprised that this is not uncommon
    No hugs from my Mother either, nor for my husband although he knew he was loved
    Its a common trait in families, those that get hugs are fortunate, but if you knew happiness, that's as important
    There is worse than 'no hugs'
    As for regrets, we all have them too - what's done is done
    Hi Frank :)
     
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  3. Lois Winters

    Lois Winters Greeter
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    That's so sad to read. We were and still are huggers. My son never greets me nor leaves me without a kiss on the cheek and a big hug. My parents were also the same way.
     
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  4. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    It sure is lovely to read that @Lois Winters
    My brother in law complained he was never hugged and I said why do you complain about that at least you were loved
    and I notice you never hug your son or your wife
    Amazing how many people complain and never do the thing that they complain about :rolleyes:
    Me and me darlin' hug many times throughout the day :)
     
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  5. Lois Winters

    Lois Winters Greeter
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    For all of you who never had these growing up. 1044345_637089436358891_1176648672_n.jpg
     
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  6. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    Thank you darlin' much appreciated and its 'true' a hug does make you feel better - its a fact :)
    That is such a great picture
     
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  7. Lois Winters

    Lois Winters Greeter
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    I liked it as it really is cuddly and warm.
     
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  8. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    Sure is - I've a big warm smile on my face too - thank you x
     
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  9. Beth Gallagher

    Beth Gallagher Veteran Member
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    Frank, I agree with Patsy... that is not uncommon especially in older generations. My family was not demonstrative but no one had any doubt that they were loved. ("Family" being my parents, grandparents, and siblings.) One thing I always appreciated as a kid was that my parents didn't force me to "give Aunt Creepy a hug" (or anyone else I didn't know. ) I kept that practice with my own children; they weren't pushed to hug or kiss strangers, family or not.

    With our children, we are more openly affectionate; plenty of hugs and "I love yous".

    And regrets... I suppose we all have them. For most of my grown-up life I lived a thousand miles away from my parents, wrapped up in my own family and career. I didn't get to spend nearly enough time with them and didn't give a lot of thought to the fact that they would be gone too soon. Plenty I'd do over when it comes to my parents, but unfortunately that's not possible.
     
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  10. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    Such a good post Beth
     
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  11. Al Amoling

    Al Amoling Veteran Member
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    Hugging didn't exist in my family until we had kids.
     
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  12. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    My family, growing up, weren't big huggers either. I don't know if this was a Swedish thing or if it had to do with the fact that my parents had five boys and no girls. To be honest, I can't remember being hugged by my parents, although I kind of suspect there must have been some of that. Maybe when I was very young. I don't remember my little brother being hugged either, but neither can I imagine anyone having a reason to hug that brat. He's not as lovable as me. There were no kisses, though. I am pretty sure I'd remember if there were because I'd be looking for places to hide. I do remember being hugged by aunts, particularly the ones who I didn't see very often, and I was uncomfortable with that. I didn't feel deprived of hugs as a child, however, and there was no doubt that love was there. It just wasn't shown through hugs.

    When I adopted my son, I had the feeling that he needed hugs sometimes, so I don't think it's a bad custom. Maybe I felt it was necessary for him because he wasn't with me in his earlier years. Growing up at home, I didn't need hugs to know that my parents loved me. However, I don't think that the lack of hugging necessarily indicates a coldness. A hug is simply a way of demonstrating a closeness that can be demonstrated in a lot of other ways.
     
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  13. Bill Boggs

    Bill Boggs Veteran Member
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    We were not huggers. Don’t ever remember being hugged. The only time I ever thought of it was when as a
    young man I went off to Korea. My mother stuck out her hand and we shook hands, she saying, ‘bill, take care of your self.’ I remember thinking, later while in an outpost while hanging napalm, if I get home, I'm going to hug my mother.
     
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  14. Gloria Mitchell

    Gloria Mitchell Veteran Member
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    Can't imagine never being hugged. We were hugged and kissed- perhaps too much. That did not make us the all American happy family though.
    Still have a huggie family today. Outsiders not so much.
    Hugs are proven to lower blood pressure and give a person a boost especially when they are down.
     
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  15. Mary Robi

    Mary Robi Very Well-Known Member
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    I grew up in a hugging family. We'd hug a parking meter if we had just met it.....LOL.

    My daughter's first husband grew up in a "cold" family. The coldness went far beyond not hugging. At first, when hugged, he'd stand there like a telephone pole, not knowing what to do. In no time, we turned him into a hugger.
     
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