My mother had a stroke 5 years ago that left her paralyzed half of her body. She is under the care of my sister who is a nurse and whose husband is a doctor. Ironically, my mother's condition turned for the worse after a month of therapy. She had lost her speech power. Left with just one hand for communicating, she is like a vegetable that needed someone to do things for her - feeding, bathing and any other physical activity. She is actually in diapers. Can she still taste food and can she appreciate what we feed her? We bring her along in our vacations but can she still feel the joy in the resort? Her pitiful condition sometimes makes me and my siblings to wish for an end to our mother's ordeal.
Went through something like that with my mom. When I couldn't care for her because my own health was deteriorating, I had to put her in a home. It's always sad a life has to end like that.
That's so hard Corie. For you, your sister, and your mother. I wish I could help but I'm not qualified to give any advice. I do have an opinion though about taking her on your vacations. I know as our parents age they get so they don't want to travel or experience new things. They find comfort and security in routine. They want to eat the same thing everyday, don't want to dine out, they want to watch their same TV shows like the Price is Right or Jeopardy or Antiques Roadshow or the Sunday Morning Show or documentaries on PBS or NOVA….if that. If they're church goers then they want to do that. My mother is 91 and has lost interest in going to the movies but won't miss any Golf Tournaments on TV. She use to watch her DVDs; watched the 3 Amigos at least 3 times lol. But that's only my observation. You know your mother and I don't so go with your instinct. You can only do what you can. I'm sure your mother is able to hear and understand you. Take care….Lara
I'm sorry to hear this, @Corie Henson. The end of life can be very difficult for some, as well as for those who love them. Is there any change in your mom's behavior before/during/after the trips? I'd watch closely to see if you can pick up on small clues that will let you know if she's enjoying herself, if there's no change, or if they are causing her anxiety or other negative feelings. That can help you decide whether to keep taking her with you, or maybe leaving her where she is, and then when you get back from a trip, you could bring pictures and talk about the trip. I have health issues, and know when they are acting up I tend to hunker down at home until they pass, because moving around a lot and encountering new/different things can exacerbate them.
@Diane Lane truly the end of life is the saddest and sometimes the most difficult. But on a brighter note, some endings are quick and painless. Yesterday I went to the wake of my best friend's husband. She was my closest chum in high school. Her husband was not feeling well when he drove for her in the morning. And when she came home in the evening. she found her husband already dead and stiff (meaning he had died in the morning maybe). In another instance, my husband's friend who was 77 had a fever for 4 days and suddenly had difficulty breathing. He was dead on arrival in the hospital. Such quick deaths can be a consolation to the bereaved. My mother loves to travel. She used to drive our car when she was younger. Now when we go on trips for vacation, she would sit in front, beside the driver of the hired van (her caregiver is also beside her. Here's the pic of our summer vacation in the mountain resort last July. That pic was taken when we arrived.
It's good that she has caregivers, because it's difficult to try to do that as well as work and/or keep a house running. Most in my family have died from various types of cancer, so I recognize the value of a quick and painless end over that. I think years ago, we were more accustomed to death, since many generations lived together, and of course we all die. These days, at least here in the U.S., the emphasis is on looking and feeling as young as possible, fighting nature, and putting off death, which is why I think it comes as a shock to many. I hope your mom has some enjoyment in her days, and it's good that you are able to spend time with her.
I am sorry to hear that your mom's decline in health is hard for her and for the family. I have not experienced a decline in health of a family member but I worked in the industry for some time and know that it is not easy for the family members that see their loved ones go down hill and there is nothing you can do. Take heart that she may not be able to talk to express how grateful she is loved, cared for and with family.
@Diane Lane, I'm sure you understand the cost of a caregiver. We hired 2 caregivers for my mother for the 24/7 duty. My mother cannot do anything by herself anymore so she is either in bed or in the wheelchair. It's a lot of sacrifice of us here children - I am the youngest, I have a brother aside from our eldest sister. My brother pitches in some money but a meager amount. The bulk of expenses is on my shoulder since I am the one who is financially capable. My sister's share is in caring since my mother is there in their house. Sometimes when we talk, my siblings and I would agree that it is all right for our mother to take an eternal rest. She seems to not be enjoying life anymore. It is a pain for us to see her in that condition and we are sure she is also pained with the situation.
It's so sad when our parents have to go through at your Mom is going through. You'd think that at our Mom's age they'd be able to live life easier! Have you talked with your Mom about her condition-just talk. My Mom had a pace maker put into her because she has afib. We found that taurine can cure afib and she is going to ask her doctor about it. Coconut oil has cured dementia and Alzheimer disease. * Stroke Prevention & Remedy article. * Coconut Oil Stroke Victim:Can the greatest fat also prevent stroke? article. Hope your Mom recovers to her natural self. My Mom says she don't want to die. * Taurine (good for heart disease patients=very good article by hosp. clinic.) Take care and wish your Mom speedy recovery. For the love of our Moms.
@Krissttina Isobe, thanks very much for your good wishes on my mom. Her condition seems irreversible according to my sister. She is a nurse and she is the one taking care of my mother. She had talked to all the specialists in their hospital and the verdict is not encouraging. There may be a blocked artery or ruptured maybe, I don't really know because I don't want to learn the details. All I see is that she cannot walk, she cannot talk, she cannot even feed herself and the only communication we get from her is by her left hand and mouth that opens with nary a sound. She's really in a pathetic situation that's why we are praying an end to that.
I just got a call from my sister who is taking care of my mother. She said that she noticed my mother to be always asleep. When she checked the blood sugar, it was down to 40 (the normal is 100). There's a possibility that my mother would not wake up due to the hypoglycemia, that's the low blood sugar. She gave my mother a half glass of Coke to spike the blood sugar and she is still under observation until now. I am not hoping for anything except that her suffering would end.
I am so sorry this is happening to your mother. I know exactly what you are going through. My mother was totally bed ridden during the last six months of her life. It was hard to watch this woman who was once the corner stone of our family even in later years when she wasn't in the best of health be totally dependent on her family for help We were lucky that we found a medical service that would come into the home other wise we would of been force literally to leave her in a nursing home. Seriously I couldn't believe how there were those telling us we couldn't handle it, maybe we couldn't have along but I was lucky that I had a brother who was sa retired CNA, a sister who knew my mothers health as I did and another brother who was strong enough to help move her at times. The four of us lived with her and I was her Care Attendant but they were all on hand to help me. So, she was able to be home during the last few months of her life, which I knew was what she wanted even if it was hard. As for what you mother knows, you would be amazed what the human mind picks up. She may not be able to communicate to you any longer but I am sure she knows you are there for her and the love you have for her. This isn't an easy time but cherish it and pray that it will end, as horrible as that sounds we have to get that level because what happen to your mother and to mind isn't living it's existing and that is no life.
@Hannah Davis, we are sure that my mother can hear us because although she had lost her power of speech, she uses hand gestures and facial expression. So we easily know if she liked or disliked what we say to her. It's almost 5 years that she is in that state and sometimes I would be crying when I am alone because it's really a pain to think of my mother being inutile. She used to be active, always going out of the house, taking the bus to go anywhere. That's her diversion in life, it is entertaining to her when she is outside the house.