Kids Getting What They Want

Discussion in 'Not Sure Where it Goes' started by Cody Fousnaugh, Oct 30, 2017.

  1. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Funny how a lot of us think that the kids of today are spoiled with getting things. Then again, some parents make a darn nice salary and that shows on birthdays and Christmas.

    My wife told me yesterday that her mother always made sure that her and her sisters and brother had a nice birthday and Christmas. Her mom made sure that her two husbands knew that was a requirement of marriage. "We will give the kids a nice Christmas" she told both of them. And then after both passed away, she continued with the gifts. She worked as an Accountant and made a nice salary.

    For me, it sure wasn't as nice as hers! Oh I got gifts for Christmas and one for my birthday from my step-parents, but not so much of the "that's exactly what I wanted" came from me, like it did with my wife. But, then again, my step-dad didn't make nearly as much as my wife's mom did. He worked in a lumber yard.

    So, how were your parents with gift-giving to you and your siblings?
     
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  2. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    We got the occasional gift...something very little or cheap... but mostly we didn't get Christmas or birthday presents... although I do remember on my 13th Birthday my mum bought me a gold signet ring...... I have no idea to this day why I was singled out for this gift, but it's a memory I always treasure..


    That said my little sister...the last of our group of 4 at home, got lots of gifts.. dolls, houses , puppets, dolls, swings, a bike...you name it... I still have no idea why we 3 older ones were given very little or nothing apart from a stocking with a cheap toy and a satsuma.. but she was given everything she wanted..
     
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  3. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    I can't complain, I never did without in my whole life. I was also generous with my kids.
     
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  4. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Actually, Holly, I forgot that my wife did tell me that her one sister (youngest one) did get more than her, her brother or her older sister. To this day, my wife doesn't know why, other than the youngest sister was not a planned child.
     
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  5. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Yep, that's where the "nice salary" comes into play and always will with high-income families.
     
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  6. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    I'm just waiting to see how others on this forum fared with gifts on birthdays and Christmas.

    My cousins done very nice, but their father owned a Standard Gas Station in the town they lived in.
     
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  7. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    We weren't rich, we were between middle and upper middle both as a child and as a parent.

    My daughter and SIL I consider rich but not filthy rich. Her brother is on the way but he is 5 years behind her in career and also he didn't marry Rich like my daughter did. His wife is a dentist but came from middle class just like we were.

    They also have one more child.

    Also, dentists seeem to make more in California than in Illinois. Lots of cosmetic expensive procedures here.

    It's my daughter who contributes about $3,000 a month to my living expenses and my son probably about $2-300.

    He pays for my flights though and my trip to Maui 2 yrs ago..all inclusive.

    My daughter goes overboard in presents to me...my son gets me just a tad more than they get his MIL.

    She has a job but is not rich so I'm sure part of that goes into the dynamics of what's what.

    My SIL is generous with me. His parents are wealthy, they don't need anything from him.
     
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    Last edited: Oct 30, 2017
  8. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Believe me, Chrissy, many people would consider the family you grew up in as more upper class than middle class . Just as they’d consider your family (as a mom) more upper class than middle class. I mean, your husband did make a darn good salary and financially took very good care of you and your kids.

    Some folks think we are upper class-to- rich, because we have a power boat and two vehicles. However, when they find out our boat is a 1992, our truck is a 1997 (and looks like it) and our SUV is A 2005, they can really change their mind about the class they “thought” we were in.
     
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  9. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    My husband did make a good salary but not when we first married. I made sacrifices to be a stay at home mom, we weren't rolling in dough, believe me.

    I would say my dad made more than my husband for the times they worked.

    Because my mom was a stay at home mom and was a wonderful mom, I thought it would be better to be at home for my kids than work outside the home.

    I might have been wrong and they would have turned out just fine if I worked. So far, all my grandsons are doing great and both their parents work.

    So who knows...I think it works either way as long as you spend quality time with them and instill strong values and morals.

    Although my oldest grandson has his college paid for By his parents and gets $500 a month allowance his parents still made him get a summer job.
     
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    Last edited: Oct 30, 2017
  10. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    I know my wife’s parents, and later just her mom, done better than just “ok”. From the pictures we’ve got, they lived in a nice house in a nice suburb of Detroit, owned a nice lake cottage, a ski boat and a smaller outboard boat her brother used.

    However, as her mom got older, and the kids moved out on their own or married, she spent less and less on her kids or herself. Heck, when my wife went thru a divorce and moved in with her, she would complain how much money my wife would spend on different things. But, by this time, my wife had her Bachelors Degree in Business/Accounting and a 50K year job. That was in 1999. She saved, but she also had some fun as well!

    As for my, I wasn’t spoiled at home with really nice gifts and sure didn’t spoil myself with nice gifts after the Navy. My salaries never called for any kind of “spoiling” for me.
     
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  11. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    I'd rather spoil others than spoil myself...just the way I am. I just really don't want or need anything.

    I do spoil my grandsons as much as my puddly widows benefits allow and I enjoy that.

    Although my older grandsons insist they don't need anything anymore.
     
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  12. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Even though I really wasn’t spoiled by my step-parents, I tried, and the key word is “tried”, to spoil myself at times, even with the low salary I made.
     
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  13. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Growing up in a family of nine kids this is what I remember....whatever Santa Claus put under the tree for us each Christmas we were more than happy with and I never remember feeling like Santa didn't bring me everything I wanted...or needed. It wasn't about how many gifts or how much money was spent on us back then...or now for me. It was more that we were all together, had a Christmas tree that we all helped decorate, went to Christmas Eve midnight mass together, and Christmas Day played with what Santa brought us and ate a wonderful turkey dinner that my Moma cooked. It was the love we had for each other and being together at Christmas that made Christmas priceless for me and my siblings and my Mom and Dad.

    Birthdays there was always a homemade cake and eight siblings plus dad and mom to sing Happy Birthday to each one of us. I can't even remember if we got presents for our Birthday or not and it really doesn't seem to matter to me if I did or did not. We had each other, enough food to eat, clothes to wear, and a roof over our heads. And every once in awhile my dad would surprise us with gifts even though it wasn't Christmas or our Birthdays.

    Although I enjoy buying gifts for my children and grandchildren, etc. my shopping is not about how much money I can spend on them...it is more can I find something that they will really love. Sometimes I hit it just right...other times it is just another gift they will use for a little while and probably not even remember who gave it to them.

    I think if you asked anyone of us what is our favorite gift at Christmas time or Birthdays...we all basically would have the same answer....the gift of our Family time together during these celebrations is the best gift of all and priceless to all of us.
     
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  14. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Family togetherness is all great and well, but when a child knows there are cousins and school friends that are getting really, really neat things for Christmas and birthdays, that child can feel jealous.

    I was quit jealous of my cousins whose dad owned and ran the gas station. Heck, they even had a ski boat. My cousin had a collection of model cars, that he put together, that was beautiful. There was no wonder I enjoyed spending some weekend with the cousins! I was very jealous of them! My step-parents took very good care of me (roof over my head and food in the tummy), but compared to the way my cousins lived and what they had, my step-parents were very strict, with a lot less money.
     
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  15. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Veteran Member
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    @Cody Fousnaugh , I expect that your step parents, like my parents, did the best for you that they could do. We were poor and they couldn't give us all the things that well to do parents could give their children. When I look back now, my heart aches for them. I'm sure they wanted to give us everything we wanted but simply didn't have the money to do it.
     
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  16. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    You are 100% right! But, they were also very strict with me. When I moved out, the day after high school graduation, I was so happy. Even the neighbor farm boys knew how strict they were and wondered why I never ran away. Even though I didn’t get really neat gifts and they were very strict, I knew how much better it was living with them rather than my alcoholic dad and his wife above his bar.
     
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  17. Tim Burr

    Tim Burr Well-Known Member
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    As most of you know, we moved a lot.

    I'm a middle child and always thought that my brothers got the 'Good' stuff
    and I was an after thought.
    Now I look back and realize that my older brother ( 5 years older ) and my
    younger brother ( 5 years younger than me ) just were in the right time of life.

    One thing I know. No matter where in the world we were, holidays traditions traveled
    with us.
    One year our Mom would read a special letter from our Dad from whatever ship he was on.
    ( we each got our own to read later by ourselves. )
    Another year, he would be home on 'shore duty' and things would be special.

    We were neither rich, nor poor. We were a Military family.

    If that makes any sense to anyone. It's hard to explain sometimes.
     
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  18. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    It makes sense to me @Tim Burr ..having been a military wife myself..(Royal Navy)...


    @Cody Fousnaugh , I don't know how strict your parents were but I kinda would hazard a possible good guess that you would be happy not to have swapped the beatings we got often on Christmas day... (and I'm not going to turn this into my childhood was worse than anyone else's...just trying to get things into perspective a little)

    ETA...I meant add...although my school friends and cousins all had more than me at Christmas..I don't ever remember being jealous...looking back I kind of just accepted it as normal, that some children got more than we did..and just wistful about it really...
     
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    Last edited: Oct 30, 2017
  19. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    I didn’t get beat by them, but an Aunt that I lived with before them, did throw a bacon fork at me and it stuck in my back for a second and dropped out. State Family Services found out about the incident and gave me the decision to move to my real dad’s home (bar) or to the step-parents who were long-distance cousins.

    Even though this couple took me in, I felt I was really “held down” (unable to do things that other teens my age were doing). The step-parents, or legally called “Guardians”, had never had kids before and I was 14 when they took me in. I had no tv, unless I’d watch what they were watching. No in-between meals snack at all. No dating until I had a car, late in my Senior year. Then, it was only one date for my Senior After-Prom Party, because they couldn’t afford a tux for me. They couldn’t afford a Class Ring for me either. I had to literally plead with them to pay $20 for a day trip, with classmates, to museums in Chicago.

    My weekly allowance and money from a part-time job when I was a Junior, was automatically put into a bank Christmas Savings for me to buy gifts with.

    Ok, I’ll stop there.
     
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  20. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    I told my wife about my step-parents putting all of my allowance money into a Christmas Fund, as well as me signing my part-time job check over to them to put in the same place and she was shocked. Guess I hadn't ever told her that. All of her allowance and part-time job money went into her pocket to use for whatever.

    She knew how my Aunt treated me and why I was taken out of that home, but she really didn't know just how strict my step-parents were with me. Like my cousins and neighbor farm kids, she didn't have any of the tough strictness that I had.

    But, then again, I found out very fast that the Navy was even stricter than my step-parents were!
     
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  21. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    I never got any pocket money....and when I left school and started full time work, I was ordered to hand my pay packet over unopened. I was given the price of the bus far to work back..and nothing more...they spent the rest...
     
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  22. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    How in the world did you ever handle that?

    Don't know if you know who actor Gary Coleman was, but his parents kept all of his money for acting. He actually had to sue them to get some back.
     
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  23. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    That should have read...''they gave me the Fare back to work, and nothing else''...I basically worked just for the bus fare back to work , which was a 6 mile bus ride.. I didn't even get a pair of tights out of my wages..everything was kept by them..
     
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  24. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Veteran Member
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    I had no choice Cody....I couldn't leave because I had no money to pay for a roof over my head..I couldn't sue them because in those days you couldn't...and anyway I had no money for a lawyer. Eventually at 18 I found a summer live -in job on a Scottish Island ... it was far from them, but it didn't stop my father sending me threatening letters, about sending all my wages back to him...and if I didn't I would never be able to return home...

    I didn't send any... but then my mother died that same year...and I had no choice but to return to take care of my younger siblings... the situation was now worse than ever, because I wasn't permitted to earn any money outside of the home... I had to scrub, clean, cook and take care of my siblings and never got a penny even in pocket money to buy myself any necessary items at all... and the beatings were a regular occurrence too.. and if he was mad with me I wasn't allowed to eat at all... he would padlock the cupboards and the fridge sometimes for several days...

    My father eventually remarried and I was able to get the hell out of there... with no money...but freedom anyway... and that was worth more to me than anything at all

    i won't continue with this story...but just so as you get the picture...it's all about perspective...there's always someone worse off... at least by my wits and wiles, I survived ...a lot of people in my position didn't
     
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  25. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Well, one thing for sure, some of us had terrible parents, some, like myself, had pretty strict ones and yet others had very cool parents who bought them things they both needed and wanted........like my wife.
     
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