Joke & Quotes Of The Day

Discussion in 'Make Me Laugh' started by Craig Wilson, May 20, 2019.

  1. Craig Wilson

    Craig Wilson Veteran Member
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    Do we have this thread?

    Mr. and Mrs. Brown had two sons. One was named Mind Your Own Business & the other was named Trouble. One day the two boys decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Mind Your Own Business counted to one hundred. Mind Your Own Business began looking for his brother behind garbage cans and bushes. Then he started looking in and under cars until a police man approached him and asked, "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What is your name?" the officer questioned. "Mind Your Own Business." Furious the policeman inquired, "Are you looking for trouble?!" The boy replied, "Why, yes."
     
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  2. Craig Wilson

    Craig Wilson Veteran Member
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  3. Craig Wilson

    Craig Wilson Veteran Member
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    @Don Alaska is there any way I can thank you for the like?
     
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  4. Craig Wilson

    Craig Wilson Veteran Member
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    No offence to any blonde members.

    A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."
     
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  5. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Supreme Member
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    You just did :p
     
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  6. Craig Wilson

    Craig Wilson Veteran Member
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    Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."
     
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  7. Craig Wilson

    Craig Wilson Veteran Member
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    Alcohol, what's that?

    It's not in my vodkabulary.

    Let me check in whiskypedia.
     
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  8. Craig Wilson

    Craig Wilson Veteran Member
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    There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.:D
     
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    Last edited: May 27, 2019
  9. Craig Wilson

    Craig Wilson Veteran Member
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    It takes real skills to choke on air,
    fall up the stairs and trip over nothing.
    I have those skills.
     
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  10. Craig Wilson

    Craig Wilson Veteran Member
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    I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey! The sign says you're open 24 hours." He Said, "Yes, but not in a row!"
     
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  11. Craig Wilson

    Craig Wilson Veteran Member
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    There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.-
     
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  12. Craig Wilson

    Craig Wilson Veteran Member
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    Oops I have already posted the above joke. Egg on face!!!
     
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  13. Craig Wilson

    Craig Wilson Veteran Member
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    A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"[​IMG]
     
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  14. Craig Wilson

    Craig Wilson Veteran Member
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  15. Nancy Hart

    Nancy Hart Veteran Member
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    Did Churchill really write this?

    preposition-quote-by-winston-churchill-1765911.jpg
     
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