Joke Of The Day

Discussion in 'Make Me Laugh' started by Craig Swanson, Dec 11, 2019.

  1. Craig Swanson

    Craig Swanson Greeter
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    [​IMG]
     
    #91
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2020
  2. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Veteran Member
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    #92
  3. Craig Swanson

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    A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
     
    #93
  4. Craig Swanson

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  5. Al Amoling

    Al Amoling Veteran Member
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    A woman from Los Angeles who was a tree hugging, liberal Democrat and an anti-hunter purchased a piece of timberland near Helena, MT. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big tree.

    As she neared the top she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch.

    In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, a Democrat, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her.

    She sat and waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared.The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?"

    He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a Waste Treatment Facility.

    And I'm sorry, but due to Obama-Care they turned you down.
     
    #95
  6. Al Amoling

    Al Amoling Veteran Member
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  7. Al Amoling

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  8. Craig Swanson

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  9. Craig Swanson

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    A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running from the police. They run into an old barn and hide in potato sacks. The officer chasing them walks into the barn looking for them. He kicks the first sack with the redhead inside and the redhead says, "Woof woof!" The cop thinks it's a dog, so he walks to the next one. He kicks the second bag with the brunette, and she says, "Meow meow!" The cop believes it's a cat and moves on. He kicks the third bag with the blonde, and the blonde yells, "Potato potato!"
     
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  10. Lois Winters

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  11. Al Amoling

    Al Amoling Veteran Member
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  12. Lois Winters

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  13. Micki Pembroke

    Micki Pembroke Very Well-Known Member
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  14. Lois Winters

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  15. Craig Swanson

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    Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very attractive blonde woman from South Alabama arrives and bets $20,000 on a single roll of dice. She says, "I hope you don’t mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless." With that, she strips to the waist, rolls the dice, and yells, "Come on, Southern girl needs new clothes!" As the dice bounce and come to a stop, she jumps up and down and squeals, "Yes! Yes! I won! I won!" She hugs each of the dealers, picks up her winnings, and her clothes, and quickly departs. The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asks, "What did she roll?" The other answers, "I don’t know, I thought you were watching.
     
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