A few friends have mentioned that their grown children sometimes lose patience when friends forget things, ask them to repeat something, or even when walking together in a store, etc. Sometimes this can border on rudeness. I used to sometimes get impatient with my mother – usually when she was telling me about something that happened. Or of she’d already told me that story and she forgot. (Now I feel bad about that.) But several years ago one of my nephews (he was about 14 at the time) would say/ask something, and it was hard for me to understand (usually because he was mumbling). When I would say “Excuse me?” or “What was that?” he would be dismissive and say “Nothing” (like never mind, forget it). Well, I knew he had said something – it was just that I didn’t hear him clearly, and I’m not deaf. It happened many times and got so bad that I had a talk with him in front of his parents. Do you ever experience this, and how do you handle it?
Teenagers do mumble, thought it was only my grandson that did that. I've asked him to repeat what he said and if I still didn't get it, I let it go unless it was something important. He's the one I have the most trouble understanding And he's never been rude to me at least not intentionally. When I was there last time watching them he did cause me some grief over something and I can't remember what it was. I bet @Terry Page knows because I told him about it. Anyway, he was told to apologize to me and his mom called and asked if he had and he hadn't so she gave him one more chance and he still hadn't so he was grounded.
I see it as a two-way street. A guy I worked with, 20 years younger, started his own business repairing garage doors, mainly working in Sun City, Arizona, the famous retiree place. Almost all oldsters, in fact, law suits were filed challenging grandparents who allowed minors related them to stay with longer than allowed by Homeowners Agreement. Story for another time. Since he dealt mainly with retirees, he told me old men are all cantankerous, his phrase. I told him, B.S. He said, "See"? Frank
My kids are all in their 40s. Our oldest son would be 50 now. He never was openly rude to me or his dad. If he got too mad he'd just get in his car and leave. Our second oldest is 48 and has lived in Sweden since he was 17 so we see him seldom and he doesn't get rude on phone calls but sometimes he's impatient with us. One of many examples is he is always telling us we should buy up a lot of old cars because they'll be worth a lot of money some day. He doesn't seem to understand I don't give a hoot about storing up a bunch of cars here and besides that his dad has a few but he doesn't have the $ to buy a lot of them. One example of rudeness and impatience maybe but it doesn't really bother me. My husband has an old Mustang and it came out with ONE rear view mirror on the outside and he has to have one on each side. My husband and this son are 2 of a kind so they don't really get alone too well, they have to both be on their best behavior all the time or they know I'll step in and bonk heads when they are together. A few times they've gotten mad over something stupid and didn't talk for a year or two. So when our son realized we were going to put a mirror on the right side of the car no matter what he thought, he told me to make sure his dad bought a mirror that exactly matched the other one and to make sure it was in exactly the same place on the opposite side from the other one. So when I told my husband he took the new mirror and put it out on the fender of the car (instead of on the door where the other one was) and did NOT really attach it but just set it there for a photo. Then he told me to email it to our son and tell him that is where he put the mirror. So I'm dealing with 3 year olds here. I didn't send the email even though he thought I had. Also when he found out we painted the car white, because I don't like light blue he threw a fit over the phone and said we were ruining the car by not keeping it the original color. I don't know if this is the kind of impatience you mean Arlene but it's all I can think of right now. We have 2 more kids to go but this is long enough. I'll add more after others have had a chance to share.
Ahhh, Linda, you cope with the problems which prevail. Thank you for sharing this. My own kids will never be a problem for me. And, yours are acting just like kids everywhere......Frank
As far as I recall it was about arranging sleepovers and going out at night, without prior permission and breaking the rules. Teenagers want to do what they like and have no concept of parents worrying about their safety.
Oh yes my daughter does get irritated with me for surprisingly strange reasons...we might just be in a conversation and I'll say something totally innocuous and she'll suddenly reply with irritation for no apparent reason ... ''Since when did you become the mother in this relationship ''? I'll say to her sometimes.. but usually I just ignore it and let it go, then have a little moan to o/h later..
Yes, @Terry Page, you are right. When his parents are away the rule is no sleepovers. He told me a friend was coming over to watch a movie with him I said fine, later went upstairs. Yelled downstairs to tell them that his friend better get home before curfew. He yelled back ok. Yelled down a little later and asked if his friend had left yet, answer back was he's calling his mom. Gave it a few more minutes, said his mom didn't answer. Later my daughter told me his mom lives in Vegas. So his friend spent the night. I wake up early in the morning and come down to a big old mess everywhere...empty food and drink containers, etc. I was livid. My grandson's excuse was he didn't know the friend was going to spend night til too late.
Teenagers are such a strange species! They live as thou the world is their enemy and everyone is against them.. Were we like that? Those years of growing into an independent person are so darn challenging for everyone around them. Just have to take a deep breathe and try to let time take care of things. I watched my one daughter deal with a 17 yr. old stepdaughter, who drove her nuts .. she lived all her life with my daughter and stepdaughter's father. ... from infant to age 17. She was causing so much stress. ..too many crazy antics, and causing trouble in school. They couldn't keep control of the situation. The father's job in the oil field keeps him gone a lot, so that didn't help. So, now that she's 17, her birth mother who never wanted her, has decided she'll take her and they can be PALS! Probably interesting things going on with that arrangement .. no one in the family has heard from her since she left.
But impatience isn't limited to teenagers, and I didn't mean to focus just on teens. I know of adults who are impatient and snappy with their parents and others who happen to be older than they are.
It's true, I'm guilty of having been impatient sometimes listening to my grandmother tell the same story over and over and over again. And sadly I felt the same way talking to my mom in the past year, same story over and over. I didn't let on though but probably didn't call often enough because of it. Now she will be gone soon and I'm sure I'll wish to be able to hear those same old stories. My daughter only doesn't like it when I talk in the morning while she's having her coffee and I know that but forget sometimes. she just says "mom" in a way that I know to shut up.
Chrissy, that making a big mess and leaving it there would bug me more than the kid spending the night without your permission. I hate it when someone makes a mess and doesn't clean it up. I don't blame you for being livid. I hope you made them clean it up themselves.
I'm like you Linda and the mess made angrier than the boy spending the night. They should have just told me sooner, I know that boy and he's a good kid. I did take a pic of the mess to send his mom, but I did clean it up because I couldn't have my coffee in peace looking at it.