How To Tell If Seniorsonly.club Is The Best Forum

Discussion in 'Notices & Announcements' started by Chrissy Cross, Feb 20, 2016.

  1. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    I check it out every day and in my opinion this forum is actually doing better. They may have more guests on but actually people posting is pretty even. Even now that I am not a member there, I feel the stress just reading.
     
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  2. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Well I guess that would depend on how you define the "best". If you believe that the number of people who sign up for membership on it makes it the best then it probably wouldn't be make the best list. On the other hand if you believe it is the best because it has most of what you are looking for in a Forum...then it is the best for you. Most of the Forums I have been on just "surface talk" or if they do what I call "deep talking"...there is nothing but fussing and fighting. This Forum is the first one I have been on where you can talk about "everything" without getting swatted back and forth because your opinions might differ from someone else's. Yes, I am aware we all have different beliefs in some areas but that's what makes life interesting to me. I don't want to make you believe what I believe, I just want to be able to expand my knowledge of the what and why of peoples beliefs. I also want to do more than "surface talk"... I feel deeply about things and I want to talk in depth about these things with people that feel deeply about their beliefs and things too. What I don't want to do is fuss and fight about our beliefs. There isn't to many subjects I don't have an interest in except "liver and peas" :) I have an enquiring mind that just wants to keep learning the whats and whys of life and sharing thoughts and opinions with others. I want to feel "at home" wherever I am. And so far this Forum is hitting pretty close to all these things for me so it is definitely close to best to me.
     
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  3. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    While I enjoy and appreciate being favorably compared to other forums, this is a separate forum, and I would hope that other forums wouldn't have to lose members in order for us to gain them. I'm not really competing with any other forums, other than in the search engine results where similar sites are automatically competing with one another. As members here, you are surely free to participate in other similar forums as well, but as the administrator here, I'll limit my efforts to this one. If I have something to say that might interest anyone here, I'll say it here, and I don't visit any of the other senior forums.

    I'd like this forum to be focused on conversation, so we are unlikely to have all of the bells and whistles here. I do want to add some stuff but it seems that one thing after another takes up either my time or my money, mostly the time. Adding sub-forums doesn't require a lot of time, or any money, so that's something I can easily do once I'm persuaded that there's a need of it. I don't, however, want to add something simply because another senior forum has it. On the contrary, I built this forum without referring to any of the other senior forums on purpose, because I didn't want it to be a copy of any other senior forum. In this way, if this forum included areas that you guys find to be enjoyable, they were there because I thought of it, or one of you thought of it, not because I copied it from another forum.

    A lot of our forum topics are fairly standard, I would expect, and other forums probably have something similar, but I hope that is not true of the bulk of them. More importantly, since I am involved in the forum discussions myself, I have added things that I am interested in or which I felt others in the fifty plus age range might be interested in, as well as a few topics that serve as spider food, enhancing our position in the search engine results.

    As a result, some things are different than you may be used to elsewhere. Real names, or names that appear to be real names, for example. After years of trying to have a discussion with people with names like "vdemon," "GreenSkye," or "BlueDog99," I thought it might be more relaxing to talk to people with real names, even if they aren't the ones they were born with. I don't know how anyone else feels about it, but I like it and I have to believe that someone else might be able to appreciate it as well.

    I added an "Introductions" thread because so many of you asked for it, but I didn't really want one and am not convinced that it was the right thing to do. You asked for it because you're used to seeing an "Introductions" thread in other forums that you have been involved in and you'd like me to move it to a more prominent place because other forums have it in a more prominent place.

    Many forum administrators require that a new member post in the "Introductions" thread before posting anywhere else, and I've always disliked that, particularly when I wanted to jump right into whatever discussion brought me there to begin with. Too often, in other forums, I'm left not knowing the person any better than I did before they introduced themselves.

    My preference was for people to feel free to jump into whatever conversation they were interested in and, as you might do if you were about to join in on any other conversation where you didn't know the participants, you might feel more comfortable introducing yourself on your first post, wherever that might be. Or not, as we would come to know something about you from what you say here anyhow.

    Because of the requests, I added an "Introductions" thread, but no one is required to use it. It's not that hard to find, as it's the only sub-topic to the first forum in the first category of the site, so I think I'm going to leave it there.

    Please don't feel as if I am not being responsive. I have added some very well used sub-forums here at the request of other members and there are some other good ideas in the hopper that I'll be creating before long. What I would ask you to do before requesting a topic, however, is make sure that you want it because it is something that the membership wants to talk about, and not because some other forum has that topic.

    As for rules, we don't have a lot of rules here, and I don't really want a lot of rules. That doesn't mean that anything goes, of course, but I don't want to carry difficulties from other forums over to here. We all have opinions, including some that we feel strongly about, and when someone questions or discounts my opinion in a forum discussion, I might get snippy about it. I try not to, but I will sometimes. That's human nature, and if I recognize it in myself, I am apt to excuse it in others, but only so long as it doesn't develop into something more than a one-time reaction to an opinion.

    There is room here for all sorts of opinions, and these opinions won't always agree. However, we need to try to respect one another enough to allow a difference in opinion, and to understand that others may react to opinions that we express here in ways that are not necessarily agreeable. That's where the rules come into play: 1: Try not to be too offensive; and 2) Try not to be too easily offended. I really believe that these rules ought to be enough for civil people to have civil discourse.

    Not everyone enjoys disagreement or conflict. I understand that, and this is why I added the "Hot Button Issues" category. Within the forums in this category, there will be a greater tolerance for disagreement, and even an occasional reaction, as long as it's reasonably civil and not sustained. Please don't test the limits of that. There will be much less tolerance for incivility in other parts of the forum, and I am even less interested in moderating disputes that were brought here from another forum.

    That said, I truly do love that you are enjoying yourselves here and want that to continue as long as you're interested. From time to time, I might do things with the hope of bringing others here to join us, because we need to have new members to replace those who leave for one reason or another, but I am not particularly interested in adding a whole lot of people in a short amount of time. Administrators who do that are usually interested in monetizing their forum, often by selling it. My interest is in providing a place where you can discuss things that matter to you, and where you can enjoy yourselves, and where I can do the same.

    I don't enjoy handling disputes, and I rarely ban members from the forum, except for spammers, trolls and obvious troublemakers. I don't have any moderators because I haven't seen a great need for them and because, in other forums that I have run, I have found that moderators tend to want long lists of rules that they can enforce with an iron hand, and they end up getting angry with me anyhow because I won't ban half the forum because the other half is demanding it.

    If I were to have anything approaching a moderator, I would be looking for something more along the lines of a concierge rather than a sheriff.
     
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    Last edited: Mar 8, 2016
  4. Arlene Richards

    Arlene Richards Very Well-Known Member
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    :cool:With room service? I'm in!

    Oh yes, those jr. high school cliques are pathetic. :rolleyes: Some sites/mods allow them to take over.
    The only cliques (clicks) I like are from raised champagne glasses (flutes?)
     
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    Last edited: Mar 8, 2016
  5. Terry Page

    Terry Page Very Well-Known Member
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    I agree with all you say in your post Ken, and especially the above quote referring to a large influx of new members in a short time, one of my fears is that the current group of members which to me works like an extended family in many ways, could be disrupted by a large influx, making the formation of cliques more likely.
     
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  6. Mari North

    Mari North Very Well-Known Member
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    I think I must be the only person who doesn't know about (nor WANT to know about! :) ) that other place. Sounds as if my personality type and my refusal to watch any kind of injustice or bullying without speaking up probably wouldn't be a good match for that place... wonder how long it would take for them to eat me alive and spit me out? :rolleyes:
     
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  7. Dave Sun

    Dave Sun Well-Known Member
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    I also go to the other forum everyday and post my jokes and funny pictures, and that's about all I do anymore. I had put my large foot in my mouth a couple times and really got shot down. Nowadays, I keep most of my opinions to myself and things run much smoother.
    I do feel more comfortable posting on this forum and have met a lot of nice folks online here.
     
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  8. Terry Page

    Terry Page Very Well-Known Member
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    I sense you are made of stronger stuff than that Mari, but why bother to put your head into the lions mouth :eek::)
     
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  9. Mari North

    Mari North Very Well-Known Member
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    I've thought of this, too... it *does* feel like family to me here and I've thought more than once that if there's a mass exodus arriving from elsewhere, it won't be the same because it wouldn't only be the good people, but the naughties would follow to spy, gossip, report back to other places... I've seen it before and no desire to be part of it.

    I can't explain it, but from the first day I got here, I felt I was "home." (Anyone who laughs at that will be risking a pinch! ;) ) But yeah, seriously, I feel free to state my feelings without fear of being bullied or cut down.

    You're doing an awesome job with this forum, @Ken Anderson . I've not felt uncomfortable for a single moment. I do wish we could stop this "senior" stuff though... I've never felt like one of "those." :p Maybe when I hit 60, but not now... I still have some time to be a lil' girl. :rolleyes:
     
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  10. Mari North

    Mari North Very Well-Known Member
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    :) Thanks, @Terry Page ... those lions can have some tremendous bites with the long fangs. I don't like fangs and have no desire to go on a bully-hunting expedition.
     
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  11. Terry Page

    Terry Page Very Well-Known Member
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    The truth is Mari you will always be a lil' girl, if you think like one, anyway you are not even 60 yet??? I barely remember being 60 and what a callow fellow I was in those days. :rolleyes:
     
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  12. Mari North

    Mari North Very Well-Known Member
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    Not yet, nope... I came screaming onto the planet in the late 50s when Elvis was gyrating, the Everly Brothers were bidding farewell to love, and Pat Boone was playing in the sand.
     
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  13. Terry Page

    Terry Page Very Well-Known Member
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    I always liked Pat Boone and his Love letters......and April Love...


    or the slightly saucier version

     
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  14. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    As you might know, I keep track of how well this forum is doing in search engine results since that's part of what I do for a living, but I'm not competing with any other forum as far as trying to lure members from any other forum to this one, although anyone is welcome, of course. People will send me links to posts on other forums where people are talking about us, good or bad. It's always pleasant to have someone saying something nice about our forum but, if someone is talking bad about us, it's not the end of the world. I am not embarrassed that someone is talking bad about the SENIORSonly Club on another forum, in other words. We can't be everything to everyone, and there are bound to be people who are unhappy with us. Plus, there is some truth to the adage that all advertising is good advertising.

    I don't usually click on the links because I'd rather just do what we do here, and not try to please people who aren't even a part of this forum. Some of you participate in other senior forums as well, and that's fine. It's not as if we are competing teams and anyone has to choose a side, at least not as far as I'm concerned.

    Although this is my first senior forum, I've run a lot of forums over the years, so I know that there will be times when someone will get upset with a decision that I have made, or with other people in the forum. Sometimes, these are people who have come to the forum in order to cause trouble but that's not always the case. I might even be wrong, since I'm not perfect, but I do the best I can.

    Since forum members sometimes form cliques, they will often draw others into the drama they have created, and cause unrest in the forum. There are books on forum administration, and they suggest removing the person causing the problem, as well as anyone who joins in with them, the idea being that the others will simply stick around to continue the unrest.

    I have trouble doing that because often these are well meaning people who have contributed much to the forum in the past, so I wait them out. Most often, they do just what the books suggest, sticking around only so long as they can continue to bring further unrest to the forum, then leaving anyhow. If they become as much of a problem as the one they are supporting, I suppose I would remove them too but they usually remove themselves or get over it. Their choice.

    I also try to look at the whole of what someone has contributed to the forum. Someone who has been a contributing member to the forum for a long while will be more easily forgiven than someone who starts causing trouble from the start.

    The same books suggest copious rules and regulations, but I choose not to do that either. These books are written for people who intend to make money from their forum, while I am doing this because I enjoy it, and I neither enjoy writing or enforcing long lists of rules. Instead, I will ban someone only when it becomes clear to me that they don't intend to become a contributing member of the forum. Other than spammers, I have banned only two members from this forum in the more than a year and a half that we've been here, so I don't think that I'm being unreasonable.

    When someone is upset over something, leaves the forum or forces me to ban them, and starts a thread about what a terrible forum we have here, I'm not going to get caught up in the drama. That's why I don't follow the links; it's not as if I don't appreciate your concern, but it's not the end of the world. Those who remain will continue the conversation, others will join, and the forum will continue.

    My goal isn't for the SENIORSonly Club forum to become the best seniors forum because we can't be everything to everyone and if I tried, I wouldn't even like it anymore.
     
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    Last edited: Apr 19, 2016
  15. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    A wise man once said:

    But it’s all right now, I learned my lesson well.
    You see, ya can’t please everyone, so ya got to please yourself.


    Then he freebased some cocaine, flew his plane into some trees, and died.
     
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    Last edited: Apr 19, 2016
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  16. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Sometimes a man has to do...what a man has to do.
     
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  17. Diane Lane

    Diane Lane Very Well-Known Member
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    This forum may not be everything to everyone, but it's one of, if not my favorite, forums to visit. It's the only Seniors forum I visit, and I probably wouldn't even qualify for the others. I like that I'm able to be included here, since it's 50 and up. I haven't come across much drama here, thankfully, because that's not *usually* my style.
     
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  18. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Very Well-Known Member
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    Awesome post, @Ken Anderson , and I agree with everything you said, as well as the fair and honest way you manage this forum. I think most of us came here (and stay here) because we DO like the peaceful, pleasant atmosphere of this forum, and the lack of drama or snarky posts.
    I have seen excellent posters banned from forums, simply because they offended the wrong people and someone lied to the admin about them. It is good to have an admin who is not so quick to judge without at least checking to see what the truth is, and your willingness to give people the time to prove themselves is another testimony to your fairness here.
    As far as people going to another forum to talk bad about Senior'sonly Club (or ANY other forum); then I am heartily thankful that they chose to go elsewhere, and not stay here and do it where we have to listen to them.
    Hopefully, they like it better, whever they went.
     
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  19. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    This Forum has definitely been the only one so far where I have felt for the majority of the time that I could be exactly who I am and have others respect that. Just as I do my best to respect others and their opinions whether we see eye to eye on things or have totally different viewpoints. And it is the only Forum that I have ever been on where Politics and Faith could be discussed with maturity and respect. Another thing I enjoy is having our Moderator take part in the discussions and topics of the Forum especially since Ken has so much knowledge to share with all of us. This is a great Forum @Ken Anderson. Thank you for putting it together for us...and for keeping it together.
     
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  20. Steve North

    Steve North Veteran Member
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    Just a quick note on another senior forum that I was a member of..
    I posted to everyone a very Happy New Year to all my Jewish friends on here when it was the Jewish new Year..
    I received 2 PM's from members asking me to please refrain from doing anything Jewish on there..
    One even told me that it wasn't necessary to do that.. We can get along without that nonsense..

    I promptly left that forum and came on here............
     
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  21. Dave Sun

    Dave Sun Well-Known Member
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    I still post a few things on the other forum, but stick mainly to cartoons and jokes. There is a tight group on there that PM each other and get together to gang up on a person. I received a couple PMs stating maybe I shouldn't comment unless I know what I'm talking about. I will admit, I'm not a good debater, but I felt I was entitled to my opinion. I mean, after all, isn't that what a forum is?
    I swear, some of them are so tight knit, maybe they should get a room.
     
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  22. Arlene Richards

    Arlene Richards Very Well-Known Member
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    Yep, the 8th grade clique. Truly pathetic.:rolleyes:
     
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  23. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    :eek: :D
     
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  24. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Very Well-Known Member
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    Share your holidays here with us, @Steve North . We have the whole section for holidays, and it would be great to learn a little bit more about your Jewish holidays, what you celebrate, and why. Or share in the religious section , like @Ken Anderson is doing about the Anabaptist faith.
     
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  25. Chris Ladewig

    Chris Ladewig Well-Known Member
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    Four days for me I think. They certainly feel superior over there.
     
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