How Should You React To Judging?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussions' started by Janice Martin, Apr 12, 2017.

  1. If you lived in a bad environment, how would you or should you react to individuals who don't know you 'judging' you to be like others in the environment? These kinds of situations have occurred quite a few times.

    A few days ago, a mail carrier treated me like I was a thief and a liar, and I'm downright miffed. I have a neighbor who often receives medical supplies in the mail; when the person isn't available to receive the packages, the carriers toss them on the sidewalk, so I've always picked them up and delivered them to the neighbor; this has been going on for years. However, this carrier acted like I was a thief and a liar when I picked up the package and explained why I was doing it. The neighbor said I've 'gotta understand' the carrier's viewpoint and behavior. What do you think?

    This is only one of many incidents, on various topics, where individuals take the approach 'everybody around you = you.' I'm tired of being treated like this, and tired of explaining myself.
    I'm aware of the age-old saying 'You're judged by the company you keep,' but it extends to the environment too.
     
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  2. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Supreme Member
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    I'm sorry you are being treated this way @Janice Martin when it is clear you are just trying to help your neighbor out as well as just be a good person.

    In the past what you are doing is what good neighbors would do for each other, but life has changed so much today that no one knows who to trust anymore...and lots of times they also don't care if they "lump" you in with all the "bad" people out there today. People don't take the time to get to know others now days so they often tend to think the worst instead of the best about others. The Carrier you spoke of seems to fit this perfectly and I don't think there is much you could do to change their mind, only time and getting to know you personally would probably do that...and if that person hasn't got the time to see that a person gets their packages, etc. then I don't think they are going to care if they get to know the truth about you either.

    Don't stop being who you are Janice. The world needs more good people like you even when they don't appreciate them. And I pray that lots of good people will start coming into your life as you keep right one being that good person to others.
     
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  3. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Supreme Member
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    Yes Janice, its a trait in people to judge in this way, sad reflection on society and even sadder that
    we have to put up with it :(
     
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  4. Missy Lee

    Missy Lee Veteran Member
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    I am a bit puzzled as to why someone's package would be left on the sidewalk. Is this delivered by a postal mail carrier or a private courier such as UPS.
     
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  5. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
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    Well, basically you (@Janice Martin) have to see both sides of the incident. The carrier seen you pick up the package and wondered why. You explained, but all the carrier is seeing is someone else picking up the package, not the person who is to receive it.

    Bottom Line Is........people judge. Even those that say they don't judge, in reality do and don't even think about it. Most of us on this forum judge others in replies or Threads. Looks, environment or whatever, people judge. Wife and I get judged, but don't think much about it. Some judging is done verbally, while other judging is done in people's minds.........but it's still "judging".

    I really think that a person has to see both sides of something to understand why they are being "judged".
     
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  6. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Supreme Member
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    So true...
     
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  7. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Supreme Member
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    I feel for you @Janice Martin because nothing in this world gets me more angry than being accused unjustly... so I know exactly how you must be feeling.


    The whole irony in your situation is that if the carrier hadn't thrown the package on the pavement instead of trying to find a secure place to leave it for your neighbour, then you wouldn't have been placed in the position of being accused...unjustly of attempted theft, when in fact your intentions were the exact opposite
     
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  8. Hedi Mitchell

    Hedi Mitchell Supreme Member
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    What kind of jerkwater is this carrier that he or they just toss peoples mail and such on the sidewalk ? He is the one with a problem..not you.
     
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  9. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Senior Staff
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    I can't imagine what kind of mail delivery person would just throw someone's package down on the sidewalk rather than leave it in the mailbox or on the porch if it were too large to put in the box. We get packages from Amazon, and when they can't be left in the mailbox, our carrier brings them up and leaves them on the porch.
    This is true of USPS, UPS, and FedEX deliveries.
    That being said, I can also see why the mailman was concerned about you picking up another person's mail; because packages and mail does get stolen, especially if it is known to have medical supplies or prescription drugs being delivered.
    I do not think that this is something that you should take personally, or as any kind of a poor reflection on you from the mailman. I think that he/she was probably only trying to ensure that the package went to the proper person.
    If your neighbor will just let the carrier know that you help with their mail when it is left on the sidewalk and they are not home, then the carrier will probably not have any problem with you picking it up from now on.
     
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  10. Frank Sanoica

    Frank Sanoica Supreme Member
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    Living in our new location going on five years soon, we have experienced numerous USPS goof-ups. Admittedly, given the ridiculous naming of some of the streets: Mt. View Rd., a through-street is criss-crossed in one housing addition by at least ten or twelve streets ALL named Mt. View.....M.V. Cove, Street, Circle, Bend, Lane, etc., I cannot imagine the problems those folks have given our Circle and Cove. We often get a neighbor's mail at our home, and they ours. Several times, we got the lady's prescription meds. We have complained, as have they also. No better.
    Frank
     
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  11. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Supreme Member
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    They did a programme over here about deliveries being thrown about all over the place
    One even ended up on someone's roof !
     
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  12. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    If the neighbor who you were helping wouldn't even vouch for you, I'd leave his stuff on the sidewalk.
     
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  13. Arlene Richards

    Arlene Richards Veteran Member
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    @Janice Martin
    You don't HAVE to understand the carrier's point of view. I'm not sure how the thief and liar accusations came into play or how judging applied here. As I understand it, there's no agreement between you and the neighbor about you picking up their deliveries. It's not your responsibility; you should stay out of the situation. Neighbor is responsible for making arrangements for his/her own deliveries.
     
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  14. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    I do appreciate what you're saying though, @Janice Martin. We have a new neighbor who came here from somewhere, I don't know where. The first summer he was here, I noticed that his lawn hadn't been mowed, and figured he hadn't gotten around to getting a lawn mower yet so I mowed the small strip of grass in the front of his house so his welcome to Millinocket wouldn't include a fine from the code enforcement office, and since it literally took me only a minute or two.

    I've mentioned before that we do that sort of thing here all the time. I have had people I don't even know swing into our driveway and plow it out after seeing me out there with a shovel, and my neighbors across the street and on the other side of me have often mowed my lawn in the summer or cleared my sidewalk if I wasn't home or, in some cases, when I hadn't gotten out of bed yet, and I have done the same for them while they were away.

    But this guy insisted on paying me for it. I told him no, it took me only a minute and that's the sort of thing we do around here. Still, he insisted, and that was uncomfortable because it made me feel like the guy who washes your windshield with a dirty rag while you're at the traffic light, hoping for a handout.

    I wouldn't mow his law now if code enforcement were putting red tags on his door.
     
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  15. Arlene Richards

    Arlene Richards Veteran Member
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    @Ken Anderson
    I think the guy insisting on paying you didn't want to feel obligated in any way. I understand you were just being neighborly, and you certainly weren't trying to earn money but he saw it differently (imo).
     
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