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Discussion in 'Holidays & Traditions' started by Joe Riley, Jun 18, 2016.
To all you Dads out there....HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!
Ditto on what @Joe Riley said! Even though my dad is no longer on this earth and hasn't been since I was 12 years old, he was a great dad for those years I did have him in my life.Since then I have really enjoyed the years I have been able to experience my spouse becoming a dad, and later on my son-in-law's becoming dads too. My daughters, our grandchildren, and we have all been blessed with wonderful dads and I hope all of you have too. For all the "dads" in our lives a very joy filled and blessed Father's Day to all.
I'm bringing this back up to the front again. Hope you don't mind @Joe Riley And by the way a very Blessed Father's Day to you!
And to all of you on the Forum who are fathers, a Blessed Father's Day to all of you too.
My father died when I was 12 years old but I have many cherished memories of him. He was a good and loving dad to me and I am very thankful to have had those 12 years of my life with him and look forward to the day when I see him once again in Heaven.
I don't have an earthly father anymore to watch over me but I have a heavenly Father who loves and watches over me every second of each day. For my earthly father and my heavenly Father's love I am truly thankful.
My husband has two children, a son and a daughter. Their mom died after a routine gallbladder removal surgery from a blood clot that went into her heart and burst. One moment she was awake and talking to my husband who was then her husband...and all of a sudden she stopped talking and died. Though the Doctors tried to revive her...there was nothing that could be done to bring her back. Their children were around 3 years (the son) and 18 months (the daughter). It was such an unexpected death that my husband went into shock and good friends and neighbors were a big help to him with his children until he was able to take over full time care of them.
My husband dad's had left his mom when he and his brother were very young too and when his mom remarried it was to a cruel and abusive stepdad who made my husband and his brother live in the basement. They were not allowed in any part of the house except the basement when the stepdad was home. His mom allowed all of this as the few times she did stand up...she was abused. Back then I guess she felt she had no where to go and so just put up with the abuse of herself and her sons. But when my husband got to be a teenager and caught his stepdad beating on his younger brother...he jumped on the man and gave him back some of what he had been giving them. Finally the stepdad was arrested and sent to prison...but not for the abuse. He was also doing illegal business dealings and defrauding innocent people...and he got caught finally.
I have told all this because my husband grew up not really knowing what a real father was and so he grew up not knowing how to be a real father to his children too. He loved and still loves his children and did the best he could with what little he did figure out but while his daughter accepted her dad the way he was and loved him, his son has blamed his dad for anything and everything that goes wrong in his life to this day. My husband has apologized for not being able to be the kind of dad his son needed and done everything possible to reconcile with his son...to no avail.
So there is grief for my husband on this Father's Day that nothing he has been able to do has brought a change and restoration of the relationship he would like to have with his son. He has a wonderful relationship with his daughter, but it still grieves him that his son seems to hate him.
I know my husband is not the only one who is in this kind of situation. I pray this day that God would work a miracle and bring forgiveness and restoration between fathers and their children who can't seem to forgive the hurts they feel were intentionally inflicted on them. I pray that they can find their way to forgiveness and reconcilation before the die and it will be to late.
"People smile and tell me
I'm the lucky one, and we've just begun,
Think I'm gonna have a son!
@Babs Hunt , it sounds like your husband has been the excuse your stepson has used all his life for not taking responsibility for his on action. If your husband can see this, and understand that no parent is responsible for their adult's child ultimate coping skills, maybe he can let go of some of the pain his son is causing him.
I'm sure your husband did his best, but the loss of a spouse, takes a lot strength to get over, and yes your husband more than likely made mistakes. But growing up fatherless himself, this could have led him to be an insecure parent, plus you can't teach what you never learned.
It seems like your stepson figured out that his father would except the guilt that came about from trying to be both mother and father, and not succeeding. No one can be both.
Saying prayers for you and your husband and his family, @Babs Hunt . Bobby was estranged from his family, too, and prayer brought them back together before his father passed away, and his father even accepted Jesus before he died. Bobby was able to go down to Florida where his father lived and pray for him, and I know that this relationship means a lot to him now, just like it would to your husband and his son.
Thanks for your understanding and prayers. God has been my husband's Father and Jesus his Savior for a long time so my husband has been forgiven for the mistakes he made trying to be an earthly father. And he has made peace with the possibility that he and his son may never be reconciled. But every Father's Day I see and can feel the sadness my husband's heart holds and I know his heart's desire will always be that he and his son could reconcile.
We pray for his son, my husband sends him birthday cards, Christmas cards, etc. and lets his son know in every way he can that he loves him and our door is always open to him. His son will be civil to my husband when they are in the same place such as when they both were at his sister's wedding but then it is right back to the same old story.
We do know @Ina I. Wonder that his son is wrong to blame his whole life on my husband and my husband does not accept this "guilt trip" his son tries to lay on him. But he is sad that nothing he says or does has brought peace and restoration of their relationship. And when Father's Day comes around that just reminds him of this.
@Yvonne Smith I thank you that you and Bobby will pray with us about this and it does help to know @Bobby Cole knows exactly what my husband is feeling. I pray that our situation will have a happy ending too.