Forgive or Not?

Discussion in 'Faith & Religion' started by Richard Paradon, Apr 28, 2015.

  1. Richard Paradon

    Richard Paradon Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2015
    Messages:
    722
    Likes Received:
    359
    If you have a person that you really dislike, who perhaps ruined your life, but he or she is forgiven by God, will you also forgive him? I know that most of would not be able to forget, but could you forgive this person? How about if you met him or her in Heaven? Do you think it would be a amiable meeting?
     
    #1
  2. Von Jones

    Von Jones Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 25, 2015
    Messages:
    3,178
    Likes Received:
    1,749
    @Richard Paradon is there a time limit set for forgiving? Say, God forgives someone today, would you have to forgive that someone today as well, or could you wait until all the anger, hurt and healing were gone?
     
    #2
  3. Mal Campbell

    Mal Campbell Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2015
    Messages:
    540
    Likes Received:
    398
    I've found that true forgiveness is not a gift to the person being forgiven, it's a blessing to you. Carrying around the anger, hurt, bitterness takes a toll on you. Being able to get past all that and forgiving the person, removes the stress from you.

    There have been many times that I've forgiven a person, but haven't told them. I don't care if they know I've forgiven them, I know. And I've slept so much better for it. Sometimes, I've never seen the person again, I've cut them out of my life, because I know they are toxic and will just do more things to make me angry.

    Anger and bitterness will kill you. Somehow you have to find a way to forgive the person - you don't have to like the person, you don't even have to forget what they've done - just forgive them and move on with the rest of your life.
     
    #3
  4. Richard Paradon

    Richard Paradon Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2015
    Messages:
    722
    Likes Received:
    359
    No time restraints! But before I go any further, I think that @Mal Campbell has the perfect answer!
     
    #4
  5. Richard Paradon

    Richard Paradon Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2015
    Messages:
    722
    Likes Received:
    359
    That is perfect, Mal! Beautiful! :) Thank you. LOL, now you are sounding like one of my old monks!
     
    #5
    Gloria Mitchell and Mal Campbell like this.
  6. Allie Seay

    Allie Seay Active Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    193
    Likes Received:
    155
    I certainly can't improve on Mal's answer. I can uphold it, though; and say that I know it for a truth. I too have found that unforgiveness in one's heart will lead to chains on one's spirit. Forgiveness is the only way to freedom and I really do think the gift of forgiveness is greater for the one who forgives than it is for the one who is forgiven. Unless, of course, we're talking about that first taste of mercy and grace from God above.
     
    #6
    Bobby Cole and Richard Paradon like this.
  7. Jenn Windey

    Jenn Windey Active Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2015
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    246
    I don't judge or carry a grudge, I might be able to accept their apology but I am not certain if the trust would be there anymore. I had a friend that did something to me that was really wrong, so much so they got into quite a bit of trouble. Well, they apologized and went on and on how it was they were planning to make this "right" and at the time I was not angry and figured "okay, well that's stand up because they confessed, apologized and even offered a restitution." That takes a lot to do, for someone to be that forthright, honest and direct about a bad situation.

    Here is the thing, they never followed through on what they said they would do for restitution and I have to tell you that bothers me so much more then the original injustice did. I feel like it is worse because it was just something they said they would do to get off the hook. A hook of there own making no less! needless to say when I look at this person now there is quite a distancing deep inside of me. To me that is sad, this was a person I would have done just about anything for. I hope someday they see the light and keep their word but I have lost faith that will happen.
     
    #7
  8. Richard Paradon

    Richard Paradon Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 10, 2015
    Messages:
    722
    Likes Received:
    359
    Hi Jenn, people like that are pretty sad. Eventually, their actions will catch up with them and they will realize their loss.
     
    #8
  9. Hannah Davis

    Hannah Davis Active Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Apr 16, 2015
    Messages:
    514
    Likes Received:
    243
    I think the main thing would be can you forget what the person did. It can be important at times to forgive someone. After all, carrying around the anger isn't good for you to do. Also, in keeping the anger and not forgiving it could be considered sinning in pride by God. Lets face it by not forgiving someone we are passing judgement on them ourselve. Yes, forgiveness isn't easy especially in cases where that person has really done you harm. But sometimes finding the courage to forgive them is what you need to do in order to move on with your life and to be able to put the pain behind you. Otherwise we get stuck in the whole pain and anger of what happened. Now just because the person can be forgiven doesn't mean their actions can be forgotten because that is antoher story all together.
     
    #9
    Richard Paradon likes this.
  10. Ina I. Wonder

    Ina I. Wonder Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2015
    Messages:
    3,468
    Likes Received:
    5,592
    Hurt and forgiveness have purposes. I have always wondered why I had so many tragedies in my lifetime. I am now understanding that each one has taught me something vital.

    The one looking at me today, concerns the murder of my oldest son. The man that killed my son has been incarcerated now for twenty-two years, and is up for parole again. After all the pain that has come, and after learning how to deal with this kind offense, the thought of this person now means little to me. Is this foregiveness? I don't know. I don't wish ill on anyone.

    I have been the leading force behind keepping this person in prison. I can force him to stay the last three years of his sentence, ( He ask for and got a plea bargain of 25/y), or I can ignore this appearance notice, and let him out.

    I really don't care about it now. This person means nothing to me.

    This last year, after loosing my other son and his father, the kind of grief I had from my oldest son's death, has taught me that allowing myself to continue on with a pain that I can release by just letting it go , is the wisest course for me.

    Foregiveness?
     
    #10
    Bobby Cole likes this.
  11. Mal Campbell

    Mal Campbell Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2015
    Messages:
    540
    Likes Received:
    398
    That's one thing about forgiveness - it doesn't require us to forget or even to give the person a second chance. I had a really close friend about 25 years ago, someone that I consider like a brother. One day I overheard him talking about me to someone else, and the things he said were horrible and cut me to the quick. I made my presence known and then walked away. I never spoke to him again. But after months of being angry, hurt, disappointed and feeling his loss, I forgave him. That's when I was able to let go of all the bad feelings. I never trusted him again, and as I said, I never saw or talked to him again. I have never been able to forget what he had said - but I did forgive him.
     
    #11
  12. Pat Baker

    Pat Baker Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2015
    Messages:
    877
    Likes Received:
    459
    Forgiving someone that has done you wrong is for you not for them. It allows you to use your energy for your good not to use your energy being angry at someone who not even know they did something to offend and hurt you. There is no time limit to forgive a person.
     
    #12
  13. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    4,823
    Likes Received:
    6,950
    I think that there can be two parts to forgiving someone. One, is like Mal brought out, that you forgive inside of yourself, and it helps YOU to heal by doing the forgiving, and not carrying the anger and pain inside of you every single hour of your life
    However, I think that sometimes, we need to forgive others for their sake , too. If I hurt someone, and I am devastated by what I did; it makes me feel so much better to ask them to please forgive me, and to have that person say that they do forgive.
    Sometimes, that person who hurts us may never be sorry, and in those cases, you forgive them in order to have peace in your own heart. But if that person is truly sorry for what they have done to you, then I think it is also up to us to forgive them for their peace of mind.
     
    #13
    Last edited: May 1, 2015
    Bobby Cole likes this.
  14. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    1,403
    Likes Received:
    2,759
    Winston Churchill once caught his wife having an affair. As the story goes, they had a discussion about it and she dropped the affair and he forgave her. She said later, in a book,(I shall look up the name again and report it) that Winston never, ever mentioned the affair again to her or anyone else again.

    Forgiveness is all about what has been mentioned so far except one particular thing. When we forgive, we probably will never forget, but we should never bring it up again. Like our tithing, good deeds, charitable work, ect we are asked not to let our left hand know what our right hand is doing. Other people can already see what we are doing so why should we seek validation by telling people about our deeds. Silence is a large part of humility and so it also goes with forgiveness. God Bless...........
     
    #14
    Richard Paradon and Yvonne Smith like this.
  15. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    4,823
    Likes Received:
    6,950
    I know that this is a really old thread; but I wanted to have a thread about forgiveness, and when I read through this one, I found that there some really insightful posts in the thread.
    I read on a facebook page, a post about forgiveness, and it seemed to me that it expressed the essence of forgiveness so well, that I wanted to share it with everyone; so here is the quote from Facebook:

    Apologize! Forgive others as fast as you expect GOD to forgive you. Let others apologize to you too. Don't frown on someone who has tried to apologize to you. Release them. It doesn't mean you have to go back to what once was, it just means you are mature enough and "grown" enough to let GOD work inside you.
    Remember though, that "Good words won't cover up ugly actions." But forgiveness... and allowing forgiveness, covers you with GOD, whenever it is done in sincerity. It doesn't make you weak. It will make you stronger. It will build character in you. FINISH! #PatWilliamsonInc :)

    I read this and it really started me thinking about how I feel if I have done something that hurt someone (whether t was on purpose or accidentally) and then I ask for forgiveness from that person, and how devastating it is when that person withholds forgiveness from me.

    Many years ago, when I was divorced from my first husband, I blamed everything that went wrong in our marriage on his alcohol and drug addiction. It took me a while to be able to think about everything and realize that I had done some things that were devastating to our marriage, too.
    He would call me in the wee hours (when the bars closed) drunk, just because he thought I was going out on him.
    I hated those late night drunken interrogations; and so I unplugged the phone at night. At the time, it seemed sensible; but later I could see how this made an insecure person even more insecure.

    Eventually, I worked my way through everything in the marriage, and realized that I needed to ask for forgiveness for the things I had done. He, however, had not been looking at any of this like I had; so when I asked him to forgive me for what I had done wrong, he then told me that he could not forgive me and it was all MY fault that our marriage hadn't worked.
    This was really hard for me to deal with; but it did help me to realize how important it is to forgive someone when they ask you for forgiveness.
    We all want to be forgiven right away; but sometimes it is hard to realize and accept that our lack of forgiveness to someone else is just as bad as whatever they did to us that we refuse to forgive.
     
    #15
  16. Gloria Mitchell

    Gloria Mitchell Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2017
    Messages:
    1,132
    Likes Received:
    1,510
    I have two very very close relatives who molested and sexually assaulted family members.One has died and never asked for forgiveness. The other is in prison for their crime. This one asked for forgiveness and has been forgiven by only one. However forgiveness does not clear the memory.....forgiving even if not asked for is the only way to continue with life without anger and hatred in your own soul. I choose to forgive especially a repenting soul is truly sorry.
     
    #16
    Ina I. Wonder and Yvonne Smith like this.
  17. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    4,823
    Likes Received:
    6,950
    You make an excellent distinction here, @Gloria Mitchell . Some people are not sorry for any wrongs they have done, and would even do the same things again if they had the chance. This is a whole different situation than someone who did hurtful things and then feels awful afterwards and asks for your forgiveness.
    We had a friend on another forum, and he had some kind of seizures, where he was still awake and would write terrible things on the forum, and never realize that he had written it until afterwards, and someone confronted him about. It, or he read what he wrote. At first, we thought he was just making this up; but then he ended up in the hospital, and the doctors had to really work to get him well enough to come back home again.
    I think that he could sometimes tell when these blackouts were happening, and then he could get off of the computer so he didn't write bad things anymore.
    Sometimes different medications can affect ones perception of reality, too; so there can be more than meets the eye that is causing the malfunction.

    IN a situation such as you describe, where the person is not repentant, and doesn't care about that they hurt someone else; then I think that forgiveness is different. It is more of a letting go inside, and releases the hurt and anger inside yourself, and it is something that we do for our own benefit. It is hard to forgive this kind of a person, and I try to separate the person from what they did, so I can let it go in my own mind.
     
    #17
  18. Ina I. Wonder

    Ina I. Wonder Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 28, 2015
    Messages:
    3,468
    Likes Received:
    5,592
    Sometimes a person never even asks. I admit that was always a leading question I had for the inmates I dealt with in the prisons. Have you asked for forgiveness? I generally got an answer to the effect of, " Yes, me and the prison paster have talked and I did." Then I would ask them if they had asked the one they offended? I'm sure you can guess the answer to that one.

    You can forgive a person without telling them. If I had to wait for a person to ask for forgiveness, I would be stuck waiting forever. But thankfully, that is not a requirement for forgiveness.

    I forgive a person so I can move forward. By not doing so, I clutter my mind and heart with wasted "junk", for lack of a better word. By continually hanging on to anger or hate I damage myself. The person who has hurt me most likely doesn't care, or they would come to me and honestly discuss the problem and ask for forgiveness. Many times that does not come about, so it is up to me to just let it go.

    But that does not mean that I should put myself in a position for the offense to occur again. If I do, then shame on me, I knew better. :confused:
     
    #18
    Gloria Mitchell likes this.
  19. Clare Smith

    Clare Smith Active Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Mar 10, 2017
    Messages:
    58
    Likes Received:
    128
    Wise words, @Yvonne Smith! I was married for 21years and my ex was addicted to cocaine. I was just 24 at the time and had a baby boy. It was very hard, as my ex spent lots of money every day, and didn't pay for anything else. It was complete chaos, he used to disappear for some days and I could never count on him - ever. I didn't know where he was, who he was with or what he was doing. He had a profitable business and simply wasted money on drugs, drinks and parties. Eventually, he went to rehab and overcame that. However, it was kind of late.I was exhausted, sad, upset, and I decided to break up. I was 40 and started a new life. At the beginning we didn't talk, and I was very furious, as I had also to pay many of his debts. A few years ago he remarried and has another son now. One day he went to my office to talk about our son and we were having a nice conversation, remembered our past, our life, and suddenly he started to cry and couldn't control himself. He apologized for everything, said he couldn't change the past and the only possibility now would be making a new life, being a better father and husband. He cried, and cried, and cried. I told him to calm down and felt very surprised, as I had never expected him to do it.OK, those things happened, but they are part of the past, and I had no idea he'd realised that (he was a very immature man). Nowadays we are not friends, and we seldom talk, but I'm not angry at him anymore, especially because we have a child together, and that's the best thing that has ever happened to me.
     
    #19
    Gloria Mitchell and Yvonne Smith like this.
  20. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2015
    Messages:
    7,654
    Likes Received:
    8,308
    Why ? Have you got to forgive someone to move on ?
    I had a rotten childhood due to a rotten Mother. I never once brought the subject up with her, always treated her
    with respect. Then one day in my 40s, I knew I had to walk away and I did.
    The word 'forgiveness' never entered my head, I just got on with my life, locking away all that hurt me
    That to me is the best way - turn your back and move forward
    Forgiving a rapist or murderer would do 'nothing' for me and I care less about the perpetrator
    Get on and do something to improve the lives of those that deserve it !
     
    #20
    Ina I. Wonder likes this.
  21. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    1,403
    Likes Received:
    2,759
    Clementine Churchill, the wife of Winston Churchill, wrote in her book that she had an affair. To paraphrase, after Winston found out and the dust had cleared, he forgave her and never brought it up again for the rest of his life.

    Forgiveness isn't about making allowances for another person's frailties so much as it is about attempting to clear the slate.
    No one forgets when someone has wronged us but we really can place that wrong in a totally different place so far from us that we only see a very dim view of it compared to the colossal giant it was when it sat on top of us.
     
    #21
  22. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2015
    Messages:
    7,654
    Likes Received:
    8,308
    That's right distance yourself from the problem causing you grief
    As for an affair, you have to forgive if you want to continue in the marriage
    Winston did right never to mention it, it truly was a 'clean slate'
     
    #22
    Ina I. Wonder likes this.
  23. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 21, 2015
    Messages:
    1,403
    Likes Received:
    2,759
    Ya know, I've added something new to my bucket list. I already swam across the Mississippi River when I was much younger. Yeah, those were some really good days when I could so easily just strip down to almost nothing and swim whatever distance through some pretty bad waters.

    My bucket list? Next time, I'm going to do it with an anvil attached to me. I was told it would be impossible, but, I'm going to do it anyway. Why, you might ask? Well, there are so many people trying to swim in life's waters with all kinds of weights around them it's gotta be fun otherwise why would they be doing it?
     
    #23
    Chrissy Cross likes this.
  24. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Aug 11, 2015
    Messages:
    14,997
    Likes Received:
    13,745
    Ha ha Bobby...if you do make sure you post it on YouTube!

    Couldn't resist because I just finished reading a story where someone shot her Bf through a book on YouTube.

    The stunt didn't work as planned and the boy died.

    https://www.usatoday.com/story/news...boyfriend-youtube-stunt-gone-wrong/438406001/


    I'm done worrying about minor things, life has enough major problems without carrying grudges. In my opinion.
     
    #24
    Bobby Cole likes this.
  25. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2015
    Messages:
    7,654
    Likes Received:
    8,308
    So true Chrissy :)
     
    #25
    Clare Smith and Chrissy Cross like this.

Share This Page