If you have a person that you really dislike, who perhaps ruined your life, but he or she is forgiven by God, will you also forgive him? I know that most of would not be able to forget, but could you forgive this person? How about if you met him or her in Heaven? Do you think it would be a amiable meeting?
@Richard Paradon is there a time limit set for forgiving? Say, God forgives someone today, would you have to forgive that someone today as well, or could you wait until all the anger, hurt and healing were gone?
I've found that true forgiveness is not a gift to the person being forgiven, it's a blessing to you. Carrying around the anger, hurt, bitterness takes a toll on you. Being able to get past all that and forgiving the person, removes the stress from you. There have been many times that I've forgiven a person, but haven't told them. I don't care if they know I've forgiven them, I know. And I've slept so much better for it. Sometimes, I've never seen the person again, I've cut them out of my life, because I know they are toxic and will just do more things to make me angry. Anger and bitterness will kill you. Somehow you have to find a way to forgive the person - you don't have to like the person, you don't even have to forget what they've done - just forgive them and move on with the rest of your life.
I certainly can't improve on Mal's answer. I can uphold it, though; and say that I know it for a truth. I too have found that unforgiveness in one's heart will lead to chains on one's spirit. Forgiveness is the only way to freedom and I really do think the gift of forgiveness is greater for the one who forgives than it is for the one who is forgiven. Unless, of course, we're talking about that first taste of mercy and grace from God above.
I don't judge or carry a grudge, I might be able to accept their apology but I am not certain if the trust would be there anymore. I had a friend that did something to me that was really wrong, so much so they got into quite a bit of trouble. Well, they apologized and went on and on how it was they were planning to make this "right" and at the time I was not angry and figured "okay, well that's stand up because they confessed, apologized and even offered a restitution." That takes a lot to do, for someone to be that forthright, honest and direct about a bad situation. Here is the thing, they never followed through on what they said they would do for restitution and I have to tell you that bothers me so much more then the original injustice did. I feel like it is worse because it was just something they said they would do to get off the hook. A hook of there own making no less! needless to say when I look at this person now there is quite a distancing deep inside of me. To me that is sad, this was a person I would have done just about anything for. I hope someday they see the light and keep their word but I have lost faith that will happen.
Hi Jenn, people like that are pretty sad. Eventually, their actions will catch up with them and they will realize their loss.
I think the main thing would be can you forget what the person did. It can be important at times to forgive someone. After all, carrying around the anger isn't good for you to do. Also, in keeping the anger and not forgiving it could be considered sinning in pride by God. Lets face it by not forgiving someone we are passing judgement on them ourselve. Yes, forgiveness isn't easy especially in cases where that person has really done you harm. But sometimes finding the courage to forgive them is what you need to do in order to move on with your life and to be able to put the pain behind you. Otherwise we get stuck in the whole pain and anger of what happened. Now just because the person can be forgiven doesn't mean their actions can be forgotten because that is antoher story all together.
Hurt and forgiveness have purposes. I have always wondered why I had so many tragedies in my lifetime. I am now understanding that each one has taught me something vital. The one looking at me today, concerns the murder of my oldest son. The man that killed my son has been incarcerated now for twenty-two years, and is up for parole again. After all the pain that has come, and after learning how to deal with this kind offense, the thought of this person now means little to me. Is this foregiveness? I don't know. I don't wish ill on anyone. I have been the leading force behind keepping this person in prison. I can force him to stay the last three years of his sentence, ( He ask for and got a plea bargain of 25/y), or I can ignore this appearance notice, and let him out. I really don't care about it now. This person means nothing to me. This last year, after loosing my other son and his father, the kind of grief I had from my oldest son's death, has taught me that allowing myself to continue on with a pain that I can release by just letting it go , is the wisest course for me. Foregiveness?
That's one thing about forgiveness - it doesn't require us to forget or even to give the person a second chance. I had a really close friend about 25 years ago, someone that I consider like a brother. One day I overheard him talking about me to someone else, and the things he said were horrible and cut me to the quick. I made my presence known and then walked away. I never spoke to him again. But after months of being angry, hurt, disappointed and feeling his loss, I forgave him. That's when I was able to let go of all the bad feelings. I never trusted him again, and as I said, I never saw or talked to him again. I have never been able to forget what he had said - but I did forgive him.
Forgiving someone that has done you wrong is for you not for them. It allows you to use your energy for your good not to use your energy being angry at someone who not even know they did something to offend and hurt you. There is no time limit to forgive a person.
I think that there can be two parts to forgiving someone. One, is like Mal brought out, that you forgive inside of yourself, and it helps YOU to heal by doing the forgiving, and not carrying the anger and pain inside of you every single hour of your life However, I think that sometimes, we need to forgive others for their sake , too. If I hurt someone, and I am devastated by what I did; it makes me feel so much better to ask them to please forgive me, and to have that person say that they do forgive. Sometimes, that person who hurts us may never be sorry, and in those cases, you forgive them in order to have peace in your own heart. But if that person is truly sorry for what they have done to you, then I think it is also up to us to forgive them for their peace of mind.
Winston Churchill once caught his wife having an affair. As the story goes, they had a discussion about it and she dropped the affair and he forgave her. She said later, in a book,(I shall look up the name again and report it) that Winston never, ever mentioned the affair again to her or anyone else again. Forgiveness is all about what has been mentioned so far except one particular thing. When we forgive, we probably will never forget, but we should never bring it up again. Like our tithing, good deeds, charitable work, ect we are asked not to let our left hand know what our right hand is doing. Other people can already see what we are doing so why should we seek validation by telling people about our deeds. Silence is a large part of humility and so it also goes with forgiveness. God Bless...........
I know that this is a really old thread; but I wanted to have a thread about forgiveness, and when I read through this one, I found that there some really insightful posts in the thread. I read on a facebook page, a post about forgiveness, and it seemed to me that it expressed the essence of forgiveness so well, that I wanted to share it with everyone; so here is the quote from Facebook: Apologize! Forgive others as fast as you expect GOD to forgive you. Let others apologize to you too. Don't frown on someone who has tried to apologize to you. Release them. It doesn't mean you have to go back to what once was, it just means you are mature enough and "grown" enough to let GOD work inside you. Remember though, that "Good words won't cover up ugly actions." But forgiveness... and allowing forgiveness, covers you with GOD, whenever it is done in sincerity. It doesn't make you weak. It will make you stronger. It will build character in you. FINISH! #PatWilliamsonInc I read this and it really started me thinking about how I feel if I have done something that hurt someone (whether t was on purpose or accidentally) and then I ask for forgiveness from that person, and how devastating it is when that person withholds forgiveness from me. Many years ago, when I was divorced from my first husband, I blamed everything that went wrong in our marriage on his alcohol and drug addiction. It took me a while to be able to think about everything and realize that I had done some things that were devastating to our marriage, too. He would call me in the wee hours (when the bars closed) drunk, just because he thought I was going out on him. I hated those late night drunken interrogations; and so I unplugged the phone at night. At the time, it seemed sensible; but later I could see how this made an insecure person even more insecure. Eventually, I worked my way through everything in the marriage, and realized that I needed to ask for forgiveness for the things I had done. He, however, had not been looking at any of this like I had; so when I asked him to forgive me for what I had done wrong, he then told me that he could not forgive me and it was all MY fault that our marriage hadn't worked. This was really hard for me to deal with; but it did help me to realize how important it is to forgive someone when they ask you for forgiveness. We all want to be forgiven right away; but sometimes it is hard to realize and accept that our lack of forgiveness to someone else is just as bad as whatever they did to us that we refuse to forgive.