Engineers

Discussion in 'Make Me Laugh' started by Sheldon Scott, Nov 9, 2017.

  1. Sheldon Scott

    Sheldon Scott Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2015
    Messages:
    2,336
    Likes Received:
    3,482
    Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”

    The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”

    The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”



    To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.



    priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed,

    “What’s with those guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such inept golf!”

    The priest said, “Here comes the greens-keeper. Let’s have a word with him.”

    He said, “Hello George, Wha’s wrong with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”

    The greens-keeper replied, “Oh, yes. That’s a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!.” The group fell silent for a moment.

    The priest said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

    The doctor said, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there’s anything she can do for them.”

    The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

    What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

    Mechanical engineers build weapons.

    Civil engineers build targets.







    The graduate with a science degree asks, “Why does it work?” The graduate with an engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”

    The graduate with an accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?” The graduate with an arts degree asks,

    “Do you want fries with that?”



    Normal people believe that if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

    Engineers believe that if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough features yet.



    An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want.” Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess and that I’ll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

    The engineer said,”Look, I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog – now that’s cool.”



    Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.

    “We’re supposed to find the height of this flagpole,” said Sven, “but we don’t have a ladder.”The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced,

    “Twenty one feet, six inches,” and walked away.

    One engineer shook his head and laughed, “A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!”

    Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in the United States Congress.


    .
     
    #1
  2. Louise Williams

    Louise Williams Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Nov 21, 2015
    Messages:
    19,236
    Likes Received:
    2,259
    I liked this one in particular. icon_lol.gif
    "The engineer said, “Why can’t they play at night?”

    and also the last one.. icon_lol.gif
     
    #2
    Frank Sanoica likes this.
  3. Frank Sanoica

    Frank Sanoica Very Well-Known Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Feb 21, 2016
    Messages:
    3,835
    Likes Received:
    3,428
    Engineers have been berated by their less-technically educated but similar minds, the Skilled Tradesmen", forever. I learned many of those trades early on, as a young man vitally interested in cars, engines, transmissions, and the like. I learned welding, pipe-fitting, machining of metal parts, electric theory, out of necessity, to keep my race cars running. However, I realized I would never accept doing a Skilled Trade job to earn a living. So, I returned to college full-time at age 31. Got my Engineering Degree, and took a position at an Indiana Dana Corp. manufacturing plant as Facilities Engineer.

    The 18 Maintenance Department guys whom I supervised spoke disdainfully for awhile, knocking Engineers in general, but given the chance to show them what I could do, the situation immediately changed. I successfully welded a leaking hot-oil pipe down in a pit below floor level, after my welder, Chip Angus, a certified welder, had proclaimed he could not do it. I, too, learned a very important life's-lesson from it: allegiance results from respect, and respect came from them knowing what I could do, beyond the usual "Engineer".
    Frank
     
    #3
  4. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2015
    Messages:
    7,144
    Likes Received:
    3,824
    A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.

    “That’s quite a coincidence," said the engineer. “I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything.”

    The lawyer looked somewhat confused. “How do you start a flood?" he asked.
     
    #4
    Frank Sanoica and Yvonne Smith like this.

Share This Page