Empty Nest

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Mal Campbell, Jan 24, 2015.

  1. Mal Campbell

    Mal Campbell Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2015
    Messages:
    538
    Likes Received:
    433
    I've really been struggling lately with a severe case of Empty Nest syndrome. I have one son, who went off to college in 2007. At first, it was really nice to have my house back, and to not have to run all over the place, taxiing him to and from school and lacrosse and all the other things he was into. My husband was traveling a lot for his job at that time, and I was able to join him quite a bit. It was a lot of fun - we got to travel and spend time together and best of all, I didn't have to cook or clean!

    But now, after 7 or 8 years, I really miss having my son around. The house is so quiet and I never get out anymore. I don't get a chance to socialize with all the other moms. I really have no "purpose" any more. I know a lot of people are glad when their children finally move out and they are able to have their lives back, but it's really hard for me.

    I can't wait till grandkids come around!
     
    #1
  2. Jenn Windey

    Jenn Windey Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2015
    Messages:
    341
    Likes Received:
    264
    Sounds like you need to get active Mal. I think mothers especially get so wrapped up in what it takes to be a good mom that they fail to cultivate their own interests. That is not to say there is not an interest in your kids, of course there is, we all know that. Sadly though when they leave home there comes a point in time when things seem blank. There's nothing to do, or more correctly nothing we have to do. Don't think of this as a loss, think of it as a beginning to get to doing the things you want to do

    Your "purpose" has and will always be living your life. You don't say why you don't get out anymore. I think that's the key. Go join something you feel passionate about. If your in the States check out meet-up groups, they have all sorts of events geared for all different ages. Take a part time job or cultivate a hobby. Start by just doing the regular things, clean out your closet, get your hair done and get some fresh new things for yourself. Before you know it your social itinerary will be so full you will have to turn down.
     
    #2
  3. Mal Campbell

    Mal Campbell Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2015
    Messages:
    538
    Likes Received:
    433
    The problem for me is that I'm bipolar, mostly depressed and I have some social anxiety issues. While my son was home, I "had" to get out and do things, but now that he's gone, I find that I'm just not able to socialize much. Add to that a fixed income, and it makes it hard to get active with hobbies and such.

    Fortunately, my husband is recently retired, so I have company. When the weather is nice, we do get out and walk, bike or hike. I'm trying to get more active - there's a quilt guild here and I keep thinking that I should join, but it's hard for me to engage in social settings. I need to make myself go - maybe when the weather gets nicer and I have more energy.

    Thanks for the words - it does help to have someone to talk to. And it's always nice to get some encouragement!
     
    #3
  4. Pat Baker

    Pat Baker Supreme Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2015
    Messages:
    874
    Likes Received:
    485
    Mal, it is hard for you at times but with your husbands help you can get out and start to develop some activities and friends, take it slow so that you do not over whelm yourself. Maybe you can get someone to visit with you or go to one of the adult daycare centers when your husband is not home sot that you will not be alone.
     
    #4
  5. Susan Brown

    Susan Brown Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2015
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    10
    Sorry to hear that you feel that you have no purpose in life now that your nest is empty. It is hard when your last child leaves home and yes it gets very lonely. I had a hard time with it too and even now I miss my children being young. The years went by way to fast. It is now a time in your life to rediscover you and your interests. It's a time to try new things, meet new people and get out and have fun. I have grandchildren now and they are such a blessing. I enjoy every moment I spend with them. Hope in time you are able to find your purpose in life because we all have one.
     
    #5
  6. Corie Henson

    Corie Henson Veteran Member
    Registered

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2015
    Messages:
    2,880
    Likes Received:
    2,465
    I'm sorry to hear your longing for your son, @Mal Campbell. What I know of your culture in America is that adults should leave the house and be independent, that's age 18. But over here, it is customary for children to stay in the ancestral home as long as it is needed like if his earnings is not enough to rent a house or he is saving to buy his own house. And the end of that stay has no deadline since some children are still with their parents even if they already have their own family and even have grandsons.

    Anyway, an empty home is indeed lonely. So what I did was to have pets. My pets are now my family and they will not leave, I'm betting on that. With children, they would eventually have their own family, their own home, their own life and leave you empty handed. So sad.
     
    #6

Share This Page