Drama

Discussion in 'Notices & Announcements' started by Ken Anderson, May 15, 2016.

  1. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    If you are coming here from another forum, you are very welcome here, but please leave the drama behind. I don't need it, I don't want it, and I'm not going to put up with it. This isn't junior high school and I'm not your guidance counselor.

    If you're having a problem with someone else here and you can't work it out yourself, you have the option of ignoring that person, either through the forum function or by simply not responding to their posts.

    There is no law that requires everyone to like everyone else, and as long as everyone treats everyone else with a degree of respect, that shouldn't be a problem.

    If you have a problem with me, let me know about it. I am in the forum often, and I'm approachable by private conversation, but starting a public forum thread to complain about me is not particularly helpful. I haven't lied to any of you about anything since I started this forum and if you don't believe this, then there is nothing that I can say or do that will change that, so I'm not going to worry about it.

    If you're angry and you don't trust me to do anything about whatever it is that you're angry about, then please leave quietly. There's no reason to slam the door behind you on the way out. Continuing the drama is just plain silly, and doors sometimes get stuck when you slam them too loudly.

    I'd rather you stay, but only if you can do so without the drama.

    I don't care what opinions you might have on political or religious issues as long as you don't insist on derailing someone else's thread.

    If someone has started a thread to promote Religion X and you are a firm believer in Religion Y, and you believe that those who are adherents to Religion X are going to hell, then start a thread to promote Religion Y, and you won't get any complaints from me.

    If you are really interested in discussing the reasons why the adherents of Religion X are going to hell, and why your own religion is superior, start a thread about that. I can't guarantee that anyone is going to join you in it, but you are welcome to do so as long as you can manage to tell them that they are going to hell in a respectful way.

    But if discussion of Religion X offends you, and you simply cannot tolerate any reference to it, then you're probably not a good candidate for the religion forums. We have plenty of other forums here.

    Since shortly after starting this forum, I haven't participated in any other senior forums, and the only one that I can remember having participated in has since closed, so when someone makes references to another forum, I am in the dark, but that's okay.

    I don't feel the need to compete with any other forum in the way that some of you seem to think that forums should compete. I don't feel the need to put another forum down in order to promote this one, and I can't imagine why someone couldn't participate in more than one senior forum.

    I don't participate in any other seniors forums because I feel that I have a responsibility to use my own efforts to promote this one, but there's no reason why you shouldn't. If you're unhappy with this forum, there's no need for drama. There are other forums, as you know.

    Most of the drama is fiction, anyhow. There's no need to get caught up in it.
     
    #1
    Last edited: May 15, 2016
  2. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    Here we go again...

    Please, if you can't stand religion or tolerate any mention of it, don't participate in the religion section of this forum.

    If you absolutely insist that everyone believe just as you do, and take personal offense over anything that you disagree with, you might want to stay out of the forums in the Hot Button Issues category altogether.

    What about that is so hard for anyone to understand?
     
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    Last edited: Jul 1, 2016
  3. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    The administrator of a Christian forum that I sometimes participate in, and which I have even contributed to financially, responded to a request from another Anabaptist member that he include Anabaptist as a denomination for the sake of member profiles by suggesting that Anabaptists shouldn't really be considered a Christian denomination, but rather a sect or even a cult. He is a Presbyterian, I think.

    Rather than pulling out the offended card and whining about how hateful he was, I simply replied to the points that he made. He did include Anabaptists as an option on the member profile, although I am quite sure he won't agree with me on the subject. That's perfectly okay. I don't think he's going to ban me for being Anabaptist and I'm not going to leave his forum in a huff because he won't convert to Anabaptism.

    It's not the end of the world if he doesn't think I'm a Christian because I'm an Anabaptist, since he doesn't have the power to condemn me to hell. He might decide to ban me from his forum for not being a Christian in his opinion. It is a Christian forum, and it's his, so if he doesn't consider me to be a Christian, he could reasonably ban me.

    I don't think he will but 'm not sure of this, because he certainly bans more people than I do. Again, it wouldn't be the end of the world. There's no reason to think that I would have to become a Presbyterian, or he an Anabaptist, in order for us to participate in Christian discussions, unless it were specifically a Presbyterian or an Anabaptist forum.
     
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    Last edited: Jul 3, 2016
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  4. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    Please quit bringing quarrels that began in a private conversation or on another forum over to the public areas of this forum. We really don't need the drama.

    You might believe that everyone here is well aware of whatever it is that's going on in a fight that is carried on in at least two different forums and by private conversation, instant message, email, or telephone, but I think it's fair to say that it leaves the rest of us confused, but not necessarily interested in learning more.

    For what it's worth, the people in the other forum seem confused too.
     
    #4
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2016
  5. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    Okay, this is still going on and I've had enough of it. I am not going to get in the middle of anything that doesn't have anything to do with me. My only interest in the matter is what occurs within the public areas of this forum. I value the participation of each of you in this forum but this cannot go on. You don't have to like one another -- just keep it out of this forum. If this battle continues to be waged in posts made to this forum, I suppose I'll have to ban everyone involved until things have settled down. I don't care who said what to who in another forum, by email, telephone calls or in private conversation because that's none of my business, and I'm not taking sides. I am just asking you to keep your war out of this forum. I'm asking you as nicely as I can to please stop.

    To those who don't know what this is all about, feel fortunate.
     
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  6. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Very Well-Known Member
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    Ken, you need to know that this is NOT just a personal fight. I sent you an email from an uninvolved person who thinks this is affecting the whole forum. It might be a personal issue for two of the people, but this has gone a lot farther than you realize it has gone.
    This could take the whole forum apart if you don't stop it at the source.
    What happens in the PM's does affect all the people in the forum who are the recipients of those PM's.

    this is the link which was posted in the Good Morning thread, and removed a few minutes ago. It was in the public forum. The link goes to screenshots of about 10 private pm's.
    PLease just look !

    Edit: link removed by me. (thank you -- admin)
     
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    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 10, 2016
  7. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    It is effecting the whole forum. That is why I am begging everyone involved to stop.

    My assumption was that I would be dealing with adults here. I am not going to monitor your private conversations like a parent might monitor the telephone conversations and Internet postings of a young child who couldn't be trusted. Each of you is convinced of the innocence of themselves or their clique, and quick to point at someone else as the guilty party, when the truth is that there's plenty of guilt to go around and it's moving in more than one direction.

    I am not your father. You are not my children. I am not going to follow you around from one forum to another or peruse private conversations or emails that aren't any of my business in order to decide who might be more at fault than someone else. That's not my business. I also don't care how many people are on one side, as this forum isn't going to be governed by mob rule.

    Please don't threaten me with tearing the forum apart, either. I'll shut it down before I take on the job of monitoring your personal lives. I've already raised my children and I have no interest in adopting any more. I am on the verge of banning several of our most prolific and valued forum members, but I would rather not have to do that.

    Anyone who is receiving unwanted conversations from another forum member can simply report that to me. I can ask that person to stop, and if that person does not stop, I can disable personal conversations for their account forever, or until I am persuaded that they can use it responsibly. I can disable personal conversations in the forum altogether, but I would rather not punish everyone for the actions of a few. However, no one is reporting that they are receiving unwanted conversations. Instead, they are trying to drag me into them and make me a part of a fight that isn't any of my business.

    Although I am addressing your post here, @Yvonne Smith, I am not speaking only to you, or even to you specifically. This is intended for anyone who is involved in this. My job is not to bring all of you together for a group hug, but neither is my job to police the Internet, making sure everyone behaves themselves. My ONLY concern is over the things that are said here publicly.

    Please, whoever might be involved in this. Stop.
     
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  8. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    Complaints are to be reported using the Report feature. In that way, I am provided with a link to the offending post and don't have to spend time looking for them or clicking every link to see where it goes. That is a forum rule too. I have dealt with the complaints that have been made through the Report feature, or am in the process of dealing with them. Bear in mind however, that complaints are not moving in only one direction.

    Bear in mind also, that I am concerned ONLY with what occurs in this forum. If someone offends you in another forum or by email or private conversation, and you bring the fight here, YOU are at fault. If it wasn't started here, I don't care who started it.

    As far as people revealing something that was said in a private conversation. you should keep that in mind when you say things in private conversation. Secrets don't always remain secret.

    On the other hand, it is bad form to reveal private conversations in a public place, and when you do so in this forum, YOU are at fault.

    I am not necessarily going to ban everyone who offends someone, but I will take steps to correct any problems that need to be corrected AND which originate from this forum.
     
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    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 11, 2016
  9. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    I also have no interest in writing a comprehensive set of rules. At whatever point someone becomes more of a bother than they are worth, I'll do whatever seems reasonable to me. However, just because a group of members point their finger at one member, that member is not going to automatically be deemed guilty. Mob rule isn't pretty.

    Simple Rules
    1. Try not to be too offensive.
    2. Try not to be too easily offended.
    3. Play well with others.
    Details are spelled out in several posts within the Forum Administration & Notices category of the forum.
     
    #9
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  10. Denise Happyfeet

    Denise Happyfeet Very Well-Known Member
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    Ok, maybe I didn't understand how offensive was "too" offensive. I didn't see those rules before. If you get the first two rules the 3rd one comes easy.
     
    #10
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  11. Frank Sanoica

    Frank Sanoica Very Well-Known Member
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    @Ken Anderson
    Sir, I do not feel fortunate if "left out". Under the impression that public discussion here implies complete understanding of all issues discussed, as well as all issues creating friction, one is left with the aura of being uninformed, which creates a personal paranoic impression of somehow being excluded because of unawareness of inclusion in some sort of fray or personality "war".

    Given that not all one-on-one disputes need be, or should be, publicly thrashed out, I accede to reluctant submission, not knowing whether this member is included or not. I am not without sin, beyond a doubt. However, my conscience is relatively clear.

    "I'm asking you as nicely as I can to please stop." OK
    Frank
     
    #11
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  12. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    Private messages should be just that, 'private' not put on the public forum
    I thought we shared the same goal here, to be kind, funny, supportive of each other
    I thought this forum would be the distraction for what ails us in every day life
    What I have witnessed is vile unnecessary posts where 'before' I saw love and support
    So, I chose to mentally ignore certain posts for my own welfare.
    I will never understand people that are so negative and just cannot see the good around them
    So please, don't let negativity fester and ruin this forum
    I will give a bit more time here and if we can't move on from this, I will give up on forums altogether
     
    #12
  13. Honey Gee

    Honey Gee Well-Known Member
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    Couldn't agree more @Patsy Faye . This is a nice forum. Take your battles outside please. Some of us like it here
     
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  14. Diane Lane

    Diane Lane Very Well-Known Member
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    I don't know what is going on, and it's a shame that grown adults can't show enough respect to others that everyone feels there's a place here for them. I definitely have enough stress in my life already, without seeing/hearing about/experiencing internet bullying. There have been some comments made to me that I didn't care for, but I just ignored them. I've been the target elsewhere of harassment and being stalked from site to site though, so I know how upsetting it can be.

    I think it's best to handle disagreements through private messages, and if they can't be resolved, just ignore the person(s). If it continues, let Ken know and he'll take care of it as he mentioned above. There will always be someone looking to pick on and agitate others, whether out of his/her own unhappiness, mental health issues, etc., and ignoring them is the best policy, unless their behavior escalates to the level of a crime.
     
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  15. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    I "liked" your post because I agreed with the sentiment, @Patsy Faye, but by no means would I welcome your leaving the forum.
     
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