Don't Get Along With Half Brother!

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Cody Fousnaugh, Sep 4, 2018.

  1. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
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    Thanks for you thought, but, I like Holly's idea better...…..no contact, except for at Christmas with a card. However, I would definitely like to ask him to send us either the letter or a copy of it. We'd both like to see what it really says about us and Colorado. If we hated it so much, why on earth would we return? Guess he doesn't understand how someone can write a letter stating how much they dislike someplace and then change their mind. There must have been a full-blown blizzard going on at the time I wrote him the letter. Then again, we went thru several snowstorms and a few good sized blizzards during the 5 1/2 years we lived there.
     
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  2. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    That's good advice for a younger person, but it's a bit pointless to offer it to someone who has already retired. I wish I had stayed in one place long enough to retire, and probably would have if Champion hadn't closed its bag plants. It would have made sense for me to have remained at TSTC since they offered a very good retirement package, but I didn't do that so there's no point in dwelling on it now.
     
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  3. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
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    Ok, here is what happened concerning the letter, which turns out to have been an online letter I sent thru e-mail to family. My brother and his wife had kept the letter, for some reason and she sent it to me today online thru Messenger.

    It was about the first blizzard we'd been in, in April 2003, almost a year after moving to Colorado. I wrote about cars in the apt. complex being completely buried in snow and that Denver metro had been basically shut-down due to the blizzard. There was no complaining about snow, but my dear brother took it that we were. Nope! Just stating what the area looked like outside and lots and lots of snow.

    We have no interest in what they do, like canning fruit, working in a garden, him working on a vehicle he bought or both of them doing some type of hard and dirty work. And, they aren't interested in the things we do, like watching a good movie, going to the range. IOW, our lifestyles are so, so different, there just isn't much, if anything, to talk about. So, it's best that we just say "Merry Christmas" on a phone call and send a card and that's it.
     
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  4. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
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    He simply doesn't want to understand those people that quit a job, no matter what the reason is. And, as far as getting laid-off or a company closing, he feels that a person should find a company that wouldn't do that...….like the State of PA that he worked for. He's even told his kids and grandkids, "once you're on a job, no matter what that job wants from you, you stick with it".
     
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  5. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Senior Staff
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    There was a time when that made sense, and it can still work out in some companies. Today, however, a lot of companies don't want to keep anyone long enough for them to be vested in a retirement plan, and companies are bought, sold, and closed more often than in days gone by. When companies are sold, often they are sold in asset sales, which does not obligate the buyer to honor past promises made by the company. The town of Millinocket used to offer a great retirement program for town employees. They gave up raises in order to have a good retirement plan, which included health coverage. A few years ago, the town council decided they couldn't afford that anymore and not only quit offering it but cheated those who were retired out of their retirement. The retirees took it to court and lost.
     
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  6. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
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    Ken, the last part of your reply here is sort of what happened to a friend of mine in Southern California. She spent 10, total number of years required to retire, from the County of Orange. So, a week after she retired in 1994,, the County of Orange went "belly up" aka bankrupt. She never got a cent of her owed retirement funds.

    And, from what my wife has been told now, the insurance company that she currently works for, will be moving up to the corporate headquarters in Chicago, early next summer. So, those that don't want to move to Chicago, we be out of work. Most employees who don't want to move, were very happy to hear this because they believed it would be quite sooner.

    As for me, I've had three companies close, within a year after I quit and got laid-off.
     
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  7. Frank Sanoica

    Frank Sanoica Supreme Member
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    @Ken Anderson
    So as usual, the bureaucracy wins......the folks "in charge" rule......even if it means breaking the rules. Sounds to me like the town council after that decision stood, should have been ridden out of town on a rail.....
    Frank
     
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  8. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Supreme Member
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    It's a pity that you both can't just show some interest in the other's lifestyle even if it's not your own interest per se...

    We're very busy people on the whole, we do much of the things your brother does.. and much more that I don't discuss on this forum. We work in the garden, spend time restoring vehicles ( well hubs does)... travel, generally do lots of physical stuff, .. but we get along fine Cody don't we.. ? :Dbecause we just show a little interest in each others' lives.. we might not want to live those lives, but because we are friends we show an interest, and are polite.. Pity you can't do that as a family, but I do understand that family members can push buttons that 'friends' or strangers may not be able
     
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  9. Bobby Cole

    Bobby Cole Supreme Member
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    I have several half brothers and sisters but it’s my younger, full brother and I who are totally different. I’m a Bible pounder, he’s an agnostic. I lean toward the right in politics, he’s way, way left. He has lived and worked in Europe for 30 years, I love the American soil. He like’s heavy rock music, I like Rachmaninov and country.

    Here’s the thing. I told him a long time ago that I do not nor will not talk about our differences. He already knows where I stand on certain things and I have the same knowledge about him so what’s the point in trying to one-up each other? It makes for a very unpleasant and to be honest, a stupid conversation whereby two people are only trying to gain some favor by patting themselves on the back for their life choices. There’s not going to be any trophies gained other than the one’s we give ourselves. Pride and ego saute’d in stupid sauce.

    Different lives and different beliefs but at the end of the day it doesn’t change the fact that we are brothers and there is an extremely wide range of things we can talk about that have nothing to do with our differences.
    The world is soooooo big and there are sooooo many things to be admired and sooooo many things that bring a lot of awe and amazement to all of us and totally bring us together so why would I or my brother sit around and wish to talk about something that might bring division?

    In my most humble opinion @Cody Fousnaugh, you probably do not really give two hoots about his stability with work and a place to live and I might venture that he could care less about rodeo, star wars or your hatred for Florida.
    Talk about something else. Open a Scientific American magazine or a National Geographic or even the National Enquirer and talk about the two headed goat-woman or something.

    Trying to justify your existance with him or him with you is wasted time and obviously upsetting so either come to a common ground and quit trying to impress each other or do what was suggested earlier i.e. say Merry Christmas and go your separate ways.
     
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  10. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Supreme Member
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    That's very sad for you Gloria... very sad!!
     
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  11. Beatrice Taylor

    Beatrice Taylor Veteran Member
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    "Different lives and different beliefs but at the end of the day it doesn’t change the fact that we are brothers and there is an extremely wide range of things we can talk about that have nothing to do with our differences." - Bobby Cole

    I agree.

    One big thing about family, as we get older, is the value of the shared experiences. We get to the point where the only other people on earth that have any memory of certain people, places, experiences are our brothers and sisters. If nothing else those shared memories good or bad should be our common ground/bond in our final years.
     
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    Last edited: Sep 6, 2018
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  12. Hoot Crawford

    Hoot Crawford Veteran Member
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    Cody - all things considered, I think I really like your half-brother.
     
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  13. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
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    Ok, a little back history:
    Brother and I have never been THAT close at all. Heck, I don't even know his sons/daughters or their families. Never met them or thought of meeting them.
    Brother was very close to our alcoholic father, whom I only knew for the first 6 years of my life. My brother use to go out drinking with him.

    Anyway, before we decided we didn't want to live in Florida anymore, him and I had descent conversations on the phone, but STILL our differences in lifestyle would always get in the way. He has a different banking account than his wife does, because she likes to tithe a lot to their church and he refuses to use his retirement income for that much. Seems like he's always doing some kind of mechanic work on old cars he's bought. He even has a full-size cabin cruiser boat in his yard here in Florida that he's never had on the water. Still needs work done on it. He has a fully-dressed Honda Goldwing, that him and his wife use to ride, now sits inside a trailer all the time. Will take out to start up, then back in it goes.

    Out of all the years, I've only seen him three times in my life. ONLY three times. Both his and my choice.

    So, absolutely nothing can be done about our darn near "non-existent" relationship and that's fine with both of us.
     
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  14. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Supreme Member
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    I'm sure there are people who like him, but...…...
     
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  15. Holly Saunders

    Holly Saunders Supreme Member
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    I think given your back story @Cody Fousnaugh , that you've tried to have a relationship with the brother, despite the fact that you hardly knew the man and he had a relationship with your father of which you were denied.

    I think IMO...that you've done what you feel you can.. and the relationship is toxic, so best to just back off now, and be civil at holidays and nothing else!!

    As someone who has both full blood siblings as well as as Half sibling and also step siblings I know just how difficult it can be!!
     
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