Dinner at Alice Wiggim's Boarding House!

Discussion in 'Tall Tales & Fabrications' started by Richard Paradon, May 16, 2015.

  1. Richard Paradon

    Richard Paradon Well-Known Member
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    (Since no one believed my Vampire Bat story, I am sure you will find this one truthful!)

    Lisa was definitely fat. And ugly and if you looked close enough you could see that she really resembled a pig. Really, I am not kidding. She could pass for a pig.

    We worked in the accounting department at Lester William’s Plant Nursery. Our desks were closer than I liked, but at least they were not butted together. In the morning I would always say hello to Lisa, but at best she would only grunt a greeting back to me. That was fine...I did not have anything to say to her anyway. Just a body taking space was how I figured it.

    Two days ago, when I left work, I went home to Alice Wiggim's Boarding House and sat my butt down on the bench by the iron picket fence. It was not a great place to live, but with the money Lester was paying it was just about all I could afford.

    In the two years I have been working for him I managed to save five hundred dollars and as soon as I had another few I would leave this dump of a town and go to Hollywood which was my plan before that piece of crap car of mine lost its engine.

    Alice seemed ok I guess...friendly enough and she always cooked plenty of food for me and her to eat. From what I hear it used to be almost like a hotel back in the 50’s when her old man was still alive. But he, like the atmosphere of the place is long gone. She never talks about him and I really don’t care anyway. As long as I can sleep and play my music I am happy.

    Anyway, I was sitting there just daydreaming and old Alice shows up with a pitcher of iced tea and a couple of glasses. This was kind of a nice surprise as it was a hot day and the tap water always taste like it went through a sulfur mine before it hit the pipes. After a glass, I started to feel a little woozy but didn't think much about it. I work pretty hard at the nursery and maybe it just sort of hit me. I had about another half glass and that was it. The sky turned black, and I passed out.

    When I woke up, I could not believe my eyes. I was sitting at the dining room table and next to me was Lisa...and she was looking even more like a pig then ever before. I tried to move but I found I could not. I was tied tightly to the chair except for my left arm.

    “Now don’t you worry, Mr. Gills,” Alice said, “I guess you did not know that Lisa was my niece. She told me that you do not have any friends here in town and I decided to invite her here for a special dinner.” “Isn't that sweet? Here we are the three of us...going to dine on a lovely leg of...” “Why did you tie me up?” I yelled, “Let me loose!”

    “Oh Mr. Gills, as soon as we finish dining we can have a nice chat...just relax and eat your dinner.” I was still a bit groggy but figured that once I finished eating I would have the strength to break away from the ropes that were binding me...it couldn't be that hard to do. And the food did smell delicious. Alice always served wine with dinner and like a fool I had a glass. That was when I managed to push away a little bit from the table and almost threw up! My right leg was not there. Gone..completely gone.

    “Oh Lisa,”, Alice said with a nasty giggle, “I don’t think Mr. Gills is appreciating his dinner any more.” Well, perhaps he will be more happy tomorrow evening when we shall have liver and onions! Oh I just love fresh liver!”
     
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  2. Bill Boggs

    Bill Boggs Very Well-Known Member
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    I love it. I wish my mind functioned this way. Good stuff. If you can write stuff like this you need accumulate them, perhaps you have. Short shorts like this make good Flash Fiction books.
     
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  3. Richard Paradon

    Richard Paradon Well-Known Member
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    Thanks Bill! I have about 40 or 50 of them but have no idea of how to make an e-book. One of these days...perhaps!
     
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  4. Bill Boggs

    Bill Boggs Very Well-Known Member
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    I don't either., Richard but I've seen a where a guy's articles were published from college days well into his retirement. They made a book of these articles place in the order written, severely edited. The guys daughter talked about them and was one who edited and picked and chose what went in to making the final product. I don't know either but I'd hand on to them, and date them if they 're not already. My wife suggested something like that but to be honest I don't have that many keepable articles. I hope you keep putting them out I enjoy browsing and reading that short stuff. The ones I like best of mine are too long to put on here. Cheers.
     
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  5. Richard Paradon

    Richard Paradon Well-Known Member
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    We have had posts with part one and part two..no problem!
     
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