Bil Hears From Old Girlfriend

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Cody Fousnaugh, Jan 30, 2017.

  1. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Unfortunately, or whatever, wife and I have specific types of people we do and don't want to be friends with. There are those that smoke and cuss and that is a definite "no, no" for us. There are those with kids and grandkids and that is a "no" as well. There are also those that don't want to be friends with gun owners, of which we are.
    We aren't nearly as "open-minded" about certain things that others are.
    I have a very humorous (and sometimes sarcastic) side to me that some people plainly don't like.

    IOW, we are very picky about who we are friends with and that's the way we both like it.
     
    #76
  2. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Well, when we called him yesterday, he was watching college football and she was reading a book. Don't know if he has stopped drinking. Wife said "wait awhile before we ask him". Part of his weekends before were made up of Captain Jacks Spiced Rum and Miller Lite Beer watching NFL, college football and NASCAR. He told us that she outright told him "no drinking, period". Like he going to stop cold turkey.......nah, don't think so. Also wanted to ask him if he is going to church now, but decided that was another question we'd wait on. He told us she pretty much goes to church ever Sunday. He's definitely not a "church goer", but who knows.

    She has her grandson (or great-grandson) daily for babysitting and he is there. He said "watching the little tike is fun", but we wonder just how long that "feeling" will last. However, right now he's feeling "right at home" with this stuff.

    Will any of it change? We don't know, but do know that it sure isn't the lifestyle he was used to, or the one he ever talked about that he wanted.
     
    #77
  3. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Love changes things.
     
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  4. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Sounds like it's a different season in his life and hopefully he will enjoy this season whether it lasts or not. I'm happy he's not alone anymore and hope he finds his new life brings him contentment and joy.
     
    #79
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  5. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    But, one thing we do know, he was very happy being alone. I asked him a number of times, in the past, about a girlfriend, and all he could say was "I can't afford one" and "she'd better like NASCAR and football". Now look what he's got..........a lady that reads a book while he is watching those things. Interesting how a person can say how much they require in something, then accept something else.
     
    #80
  6. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    I don't think your BIL just accepted something else Cody...I believe he was ready for a change and he and his "friend" had unfinished business between them that they both want to see where it leads.
     
    #81
  7. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Babs, I just asked his sister, my wife, who knows him extremely well, as she should, about his feelings, before he reconnected with this lady, and she told me the only change he was ready for was to quit his job/retire. As far as a relationship goes, she said “no way”. I totally agree with her.
     
    #82
  8. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    I too say no way to a relationship, I'm too set in my ways but if I fell deeply in love...I'd go for it.
     
    #83
  9. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Well Cody this is just my opinion but I can't agree with either you or your wife...when your BIL has moved in with this lady and is trying out a relationship with her. Even if they both find it isn't going to work...they are definitely trying to see if it will.
     
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  10. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Very Well-Known Member
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    I think that @Chrissy Cross is SO totally right in her statement that “love changes things”. Before I met Bobby, I had been divorced for quite a while, had my little home up in the forests of northern Idaho, rode my horse on the trails through the mountains, went to church on sundays, and I was pretty content with my life.
    On the other end of the continent, @Bobby Cole was busy being the director of a homeless rescue mission in Charlotte, NC, and was contented with his life as well.
    We “met” each other on a Christian website and starting conversing through emails, which eventually led to us meeting each other and getting married.

    We have different likes and abilities, but we both let each other be ourselves, and we give each other all of the love and support that we can. Often, we are doing almost the same thing as your BIL, @Cody Fousnaugh . Bobby will be watching some movie or television program that he enjoys, and I am there with my nose in a book, happily reading.

    I never expected to have this much love in my life, and even though I was almost 60 when Bobby and I came into each other’s lives, it was well worth the wait.

     
    #85
  11. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    But, we aren’t talking about his “moving in with her”. We are talking about his feelings about his job, and a relationship with any lady, before she even contacted him. Please note the word “before”, in the last sentence.
     
    #86
  12. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Actually Cody...we have been talking about all of those things and more in these posts...not just the before the lady likes of your BIL but even if we had been talking just about the before....your BIL has a right to change his mind and try new things like he is doing now.

    I'm happy for your BIL and I do hope he and his lady have many happy years together. I love my husband very much but while we have much in common that we share together, we also have many things we like separately and enjoy on our own too.
     
    #87
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  13. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    What I could never figure out, or understand, is how a couple could be very different in their hobbies/likes and still marry or even stay together.

    When my wife and I met, we were absolutely shocked at how many things we had in common.

    We did change each other, in some ways. She taught me how to say “please” and “thank you” more often and become a better Christian. I taught her the sport of rodeo and had her get rid of her pointed cowboy boots and got her a pair of Roper boots. Her mom even said to me, “why can’t your rodeo friend just accept her the way she is?”. I said, “they just won’t.” She was very glad I helped her change. I got her interested in guns and shooting and she loves it.

    It’s really hard for me to understand couples that have very little-to-nothing in common.
     
    #88
  14. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    We are happy for him, but obviously you don’t know him like we do.
    After 6 months, or a year from now, we will then see how he’s feeling and how they will handle any disagreements.
     
    #89
  15. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    My husband and I were like night and day. We had a great marriage until he died. Everybody is different and different things work for different people.

    It was his personality and how he treated me that attracted me to him. So what if all his interests were different than mine...it didn't matter.

    At least he was interesting and I learned new things from him....
     
    #90
  16. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    It doesn't matter if I know your BIL or not...I still wish him and his lady friend lots of joy and happiness and a long life together....and I would think that anyone who cared about him would wish the same for him.
     
    #91
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  17. Jeff Tracy

    Jeff Tracy Well-Known Member
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    4 U Babs
    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
     
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  18. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    :)
     
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  19. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    It's hard for me to understand why either of you cared if your rodeo friends accepted her or not. My parents didn't care for my husband but So what, I married him anyway...I'm not going to marry someone just to please my friends or family.

    I also find it strange SHE had to change even though she's happy about it.

    Everybody is different so I guess I don't really have to understand you and you're wife either. It's your life!
     
    #94
  20. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    It’s your right, but you are just more “positive minded” than we are about him. His sister knows him and I know him. Never married, never lived with a lady and broke off two engagements.

    Funny thing, he told us he mentioned marriage to her and she said “absolutely not”. Think she would lose some type of Spousal Support, if she did or she simply doesn’t want to marry again. But, if she’s a Christian, “living together” is definitely not part of the that.
     
    #95
  21. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Lots of Older Christians live together ....think it's financial for the most part.

    I don't think it really matters. I think at our age most people in a relationship have had sex before they married and that's a no no also...is it not?
     
    #96
  22. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Very Well-Known Member
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    This is us totally, too ! Bobby and I agree on the things that are important, and we are basically a couple of “hermits” living together. We both give each other enough space, and he lets me be me, as I let Bobby be himself.
    We both treat each other with love and respect, and I feel more safe and cherished than I ever have in my whole adult life.

    This is a “man song”, but it applies equally well to either a man or a woman, and is one of my favorites, too.

     
    #97
  23. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    That would actually be an ideal man for me. I'm not looking for anyone to be my Siamese twin..I'd go crazy.

    Yes, having similar beliefs is important but after that...you do you're thing and I'll do mine. Sometimes we can do something together we both enjoy or if we have nothing in common like that than we can give up a day of our lives and do what the other wants.

    I went Target shooting with my husband sometimes, not because I loved It but because he did. Hunting trips he went with friends, although I did go on one or two if it was at a lodge or something nice.
     
    #98
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  24. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    We absolutely love our marriage and compatibility! Same age area and Generation. I couldn’t be married to someone who had many different interests than I did.
    My wife’s sister was married years to a guy that didn’t like her spending money for vacations, and thus didn’t go with her. He didn’t want to spend time with his adult kids and grandkids, so she went by herself. When he got seriously sick, he didn’t want her help at all, When he got a little better, he moved out of the condo to his own apt.

    To me, this wan’t even a marriage!

    Nobody has to agree with this, but when a couple have many of the same interests, marriage is so much better. To us, the word “love” and “respect” just aren’t enough.
     
    #99
  25. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Guess there's more than one way to have a great marriage.
     
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