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Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Cody Fousnaugh, Jan 30, 2017.
Then you'd think he'd be shy about talking with you also....
When I talk to my ex, he usually reminisces about the fun we had traveling and working together. There are times he mentions our first night together and how shy I was, lol.
Then I had some wine and I wasn't shy anymore.
I'd just let this play out however it does, it's their lives and both are adults. I would only interfere if your BIL has some mental issues or problems and he runs the risk of being taken advantage of but since she's paying his air fare then that's not an issue.
Believe me, not with me! Actually, my wife was totally shocked/amazed at how well we got along when I first met him in 2000. Give him some Capt. Morgan's Spiced Rum and you'd be surprised what he will talk about..........at least with me.
I'm a "romantic at heart" as well and that was one thing that my wife liked about me when we met. However, she has adult kids, grandkids and a great-grandkid. Wife tells me that he's just never had an interest in being around kids. IOW, she loves (really loves) being around her family and he really isn't the "family" type. He's been a "loner" for years. Like already stated, he's also a major, and I do mean major, NASCAR fan and he told me that she knows nothing about the sport and really isn't interested. They have such different lifestyles. As for him "walking alone"........that's the way he has absolutely liked it. No commitment, no relationship, no anything.
Well Cody, it looks like he might have changed his mind about that walking alone now. As for their differences that's something they can work out if they find a renewed relationship is worth pursuing.
Well, when it comes to her being around her family, that "walking alone" just may end up sticking. We will find out when he gets back. He will either have a huge smile on his face or "why did I waste that time".
Right now it's all phone talk. The reality of it all will hit when they meet. We do wish him luck, but we also know the dude and his feelings of relationships, marriage and spending money on a lady.
It happens all the time, my husband was very different from me but it still worked and worked well!
The deal breaker for me now would be "Family", he doesn't have to love my kids and grandkids but he better let me see them when I want.
My ex was pretty good about it, at least my grandsons liked him and thought of him as grandpa since they never met their real grandpa (except the oldest).
But there were times he'd grumble that we're going to my daughter's house AGAIN!
Yes, sometimes, and I do repeat "sometimes", being different from each other can work, but a lot of times it definitely don't. When the "heat of passion" is over and reality type things set in, "differences" can either make or break a relationship. I know, for the 21 years I was single/divorced, I met ladies that were pretty different from me. In some ways, we tried changing each other and that sure didn't work. When I met my wife, there was very little to change about her and the things that I did want to change, she wanted to change as well. For instance, neither of her ex-husbands or ex-boyfriend liked her wearing a baseball cap, but me, I loved it. Only certain things she liked to cook, but I covered what she didn't like. She told me she had never rode a horse. Not one guy she'd ever known was interested in horses or rodeo. Well, I got her on a horse, rodeo beside her and she done fine and she loved all the rodeo's I took her to. She had never owned a firearm before. Now she owns a rifle and two handguns and shoots both. Her family was shocked over that, but I sure loved it. Anyway, we even get shocked at how equal we are in interests.
Well it worked 35 years until he died. We had the most important things in common and that was our 2 children.
That's great, but there are couples that think a relationship and marriage can work out with too many differences in personalities and likes and the relationship and marriage ends. And that can happen with kids in the marriage also. So many things can happen to end a marriage it's almost shocking.
Yeah, I guess I'm one of the lucky ones....my one and only marriage and it worked. We'd be married 47 years on July 25 if he didn't die.
Marriage takes work, there were times I wanted to kill him but I loved him so we compromised a few times.
There are 4 of us siblings and I'm the only widow but my brother and two sisters are all still married to the same person they married years ago...all first marriages. We must be doing something right.
My mother and father weren't divorced either...same with my grandparents. My 2 children are still married also, first time...daughter will be married 20 years and son will be married 13 years.
There was one divorce in the family and that was my uncle. Second marriage lasted a long time though, he died last year.
I agree 100% with a long-ago acquaintance- she said for any relationship to work, the individuals have to share the same values.
I think that sums it up, even if there are other differences or many similarities.
Referring to ending marriages, have you heard of the latest phase in 'no-fault' divorce- two individuals no longer have to agree on it; a person can be hit totally out-of-the-blue with 'o.k., marriage is over, get out of my house.' I've read about numerous cases like that, and even saw one on EscapeTV last night. I'd been under the impression that if a couple is legally married, the home they reside in legally belongs to both parties- but evidently that's not the case anymore.
Update: BIL went to see her for about a week, including a weekend. We talked to him this last Saturday and.........
He told us that he stayed at her place, and slept with her the entire time he was there. He met some of her grandkids, but it was too cold to do much. He told us that he really didn't want to leave and go home. When he looked at her and said "where do we go from here?", her statement was "how about going steady?". He said "fine". He really sounded like he had a lot of fun and enjoyed seeing her.
What will happen from here? None of us know.
Well, it sounds like they both enjoyed the time spent together, @Cody Fousnaugh . They are far enough apart that they will either have to work out a visiting schedule, or one of them will have to eventually move.
I think it is great that they are at least making the effort, and hope that they can work something out.
Talked to him last night and he told us that, before we called, he talked to her for 45 minutes on the cell. They agreed that he would fly up over 4th of July weekend. He will take the Monday before the 4th off. Same arrangement, he will stay with her at her place. But, this time he has to pay his own way. He said "no big future plans being made at all", as in engagement or marriage. He said "no way" to marriage.