Bil Hears From Old Girlfriend

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by Cody Fousnaugh, Jan 30, 2017.

  1. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    I really, and I do mean REALLY, like your thinking here. If a man is meant for you to meet, it will happen. If not, you sure sound like you can handle the rest of your life without one.
     
    #51
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  2. Yvonne Smith

    Yvonne Smith Very Well-Known Member
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    I think that you have touched on something here that is really important in a relationship, @Chrissy Cross , and that is that the two people must LIKE each other. Just being romantically involved, or even being in love with someone is not the same thing as actually enjoying spending time with that person.
    I was thinking about just this same thing yesterday, as a matter of fact.
    When I was married to my children's father, we loved each other; but with the drinking and drug use, plus he was just a very angry person, most of the time I actually didn't like him very much, or even want to be around him.
    He felt my rejection, and I am sure that made him even more angry with me.
    So, even though we were together for around 30 years, most of the time, I didn't really feel like I was loved, and probably, he didn't either.
    Now, I know how comfortable I am being around Bobby, and I can feel that he is also happy being with me. It is just a warm feeling that he likes me for the person that I am,( an acceptance, if you will) and I have not felt that for a very long time before Bobby and I got married.
     
    #52
    Last edited: Apr 27, 2017
  3. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    A few new details: Wife's brother wasn't exactly telling us really what has been going on. IOW, he sort of made the relationship sound better than it actually is.

    Was having dinner on Saturday night and he called. He told us that him and the lady had their first spat. There was a tornado warning going on in her area and he was worried about her. He tried calling her, but couldn't get thru. Well, turns out the lady let her grandkids use her cell to play games and the battery went dead. At the time, she was at her daughter (or son's) home and no way to keep her phone charged. He wasn't to happy about this and told her so. She told him that she had no emergency phone number for him, so he gave her his boss's number and also wanted my wife's (his sister) number as well. At first, I was against that and then wife and I decided it was ok. We also let him know that she needs to know that we don't keep our cell phones on all night and wife doesn't take calls at work, except from me, if need be.

    Then he went on to tell us that she doesn't allow him to drink alcohol when he's there. Don't know how much of a "deal breaker" this will be later, because he does like his Captain Morgan Spiced Rum. And, while talking to me, he used the "f" word three different times. Unless he's been drinking, he doesn't use that word. I stopped him during our conversation and told him that he had just used the word three different times. That would definitely be a "no, no" around her, he told me. We also found out that she likes going to church on Sunday morning with a friend. Well, dear old BIL doesn't go to church period.

    So, that walk thru the "Rose Garden" that he was portraying between them isn't so "rosy" after all.

    Interesting, hugh?
     
    #53
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  4. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    Well, looks like it's not the match made in Heaven he said it was and sounds more like a match from hell...looks like you don't have to worry about it, it's not going to go too far.
     
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  5. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Yes, we were pretty surprised when he told us these "new" things. Wife still thinks they have a chance, but I'm not nearly as optimistic as she is.
    BTW, was going to take an extended break from the forum, but found out just how hard that is to do. Just too many nice folks on here and interesting-to-very interesting topics not to reply to.
     
    #55
  6. Chrissy Cross

    Chrissy Cross Veteran Member
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    I was wondering where you were...thought maybe you were either enjoying your boat or your stomach bug was still an issue.

    Know what you mean though ...I've done the same. :)
     
    #56
  7. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    First, a friendly "Thanks" for thinking about me.:D
    One of the problems about boating on our local river, compared to boating on the two lakes in Colorado that we use to go to..........tides. If the tide isn't high enough, and at the right time of day, a boat can easily get stuck on a sandbar, which is definitely not fun. Besides that, wife works during the week, so only have the weekend to get the boat on the water. Weather, smoke and tides can keep us off of the water.
    As far as my stomach flu went, it pretty much took me a week plus to get rid of it.
     
    #57
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  8. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    BIL update:

    He went to see this old girlfriend over Memorial Day Weekend. He told me, before he went, that neither of them could wait until 4th of July weekend to see each other. This time he had to pay for his flight. They had already talked about, and agreed upon, that he would quit his job and move to her place.

    So, the situation now: All is a "go" with him moving from Florida to Louisiana and living with her. Guess this last visit (Memorial Day Weekend) turned out very good for him. Apparently, it doesn't matter to her that he doesn't want much-to-anything to do with his family (wife and I and his other sisters, nieces). When we ask him if he had a picture of her that we could see, he said that she doesn't like her picture being distributed. We do know one thing, she sure doesn't look like the picture we have of her and him some 42 years ago!

    We only hope he's making the right decision about moving there and living with her.
     
    #58
  9. Gloria Mitchell

    Gloria Mitchell Very Well-Known Member
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    :eek: Um hope someone has a spare room for him. Just from what I have read...seems a bit iffy ;)
     
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  10. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    When I talked to him this afternoon, I told him "In all sincerity guy, if something happens up there between you and her, be sure to give us a call and we'll work something out." However, his plan is, if something does happen, as in a breakup, he will get his own place and continue living there. He told me that Florida is too expensive to live in.
     
    #60
  11. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Some parts of Louisiana are definitely less expensive than living in Florida for sure. Your BIL is old enough to make his own decisions and I hope he will find happiness with this one he is making. It was very nice of you @Cody Fousnaugh to tell him to give you a call if it doesn't work out and y'all will work something out. :)

    We're never to old for love...and I hope that he and his lady friend have found that together.
     
    #61
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  12. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Well, yesterday was his last day on his job. He will use July to work on his vehicle, which we think/actually know, he doesn't do mechanic work, so it will be shop done.

    He told us last night that he will hang out by the complex pool to improve his tan (mostly kidding). He only lives a few miles from the beach and has only been there for the Air Show (he told us).

    He says that he will be leaving for Louisiana the first day of August. We think he will leave before then, because he will get bored basically doing nothing for a month. He has very little to pack up. He's lived for years in a Studio apt. that used to be a hotel years ago.

    Before she came back into his life, he would hardly ever take an time off for a vacation. One time he did take a week off to meet us in Las Vegas when we lived in Colorado and flew there. He basically never wanted to take a vacation from work.

    However, he has been giving it serious thought, and he told us this, about what will happen if he ever gets sick there with her and would she take care of him. This is where "action speaks louder than words". Right now, it's like they are walking thru a rose garden, but if an illness hits, will she be there for him. He really doesn't know and is sort of worried about that. He also told us last night on the phone, "No turning back now".

    Again, we told him if he has a problem, illness or argument with her, and gets confused at what to do, just call us. We will help as much as we can.
     
    #62
    Last edited: Jul 1, 2017
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  13. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Well @Cody Fousnaugh here it is past the middle of August and I'm wondering if your BIL has moved here to Louisiana? Any updates you want to share with us? :)

    Since I live in Louisiana I was wondering if where he is supposed to be moving is anywhere near me.
     
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  14. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Yes, he is out of Florida for good. He left two weeks ago. He is somewhere in Alexandria. He refuses to tell us where and we guess his girlfriend is going along with that. His told me, "I have a new family now". If something happens between him and her, we don't know if he will even call us about it. He is, and pretty much has always been, the "silent" person of the family. My SIL, my wife's sister, doesn't like this "silence" at all, but that's just the way he is.

    We wish him luck, but if we never hear from him again, until he passes, we can't do anything about it. Sooner or later, perhaps now, he will change his cell phone and we won't know that number. So, just have to wait and see if he ever calls us again.
     
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  15. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    I'm sure y'all will hear from again sooner or later. :) If he's up in that area it's only a few hours from us...but the land is not as flat as down where we are ...and it gets colder up where he is and sometimes has snow too. It is a much prettier area up there and I hope he finds happiness in his new life.
     
    #65
  16. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Well, your more positive about the situation than we are, but then again, we know him and his feelings about the family.
     
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  17. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Everyone needs love and companionship. I am hoping and praying your BIL will find this and some new family too. I know everyone doesn't feel this way...but for me...you can never have to much family. :)
     
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  18. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Yes, but he has essentially "given up" on HIS family. Anyway, for years, as long as wife and I've been married and before, he didn't want that "love" and "companionship". When I'd ask him about meeting a lady, he would always say "I can't afford a woman". Somehow, he convinced this lady, that his family does know, that his family isn't worth keeping in-touch with anymore. Just the way it is, Babs.
     
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  19. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Well in a way Cody from what you have said in many of your posts...y'all have pretty much given up on family too. And maybe when y'all wanted him to meet someone...he just wasn't ready. But he's ready now and I'm glad he's found someone. And one day I do believe he will come back to his family too. :)
     
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  20. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Ok, Babs, just because we don't live close, or in the same state as family, doesn't mean we've given up on them. We talk to all of them a number of times during the year, but neither them or us want to spend the money on actually visiting each other. We would all get together in Las Vegas once a year, when we lived in Colorado. We would go for the National Finals Rodeo there and they would drive in from So. California. Driving in from there is much cheaper than flying to Florida.

    My wife, just like myself, was never really close to family, what's left of family at our age. Remember, we don't have kids or grandkids.

    Hope you understand this. Thanks.
     
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  21. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Cody, I never meant to hurt you by what I said, so please forgive me if I did. What I said was not meant to offend you, basically I thought I was just saying what you have often said in posts about your family. If I misunderstood what you have said then I apologize for this too and hope you will forgive me.
     
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  22. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    Forgive you for what? You didn't hurt my feelings. I was simply stating a fact. You choose to live close to family, because all of you get along. Our family doesn't get along THAT well.

    No big deal.
     
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  23. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Cody, we definitely don't always get along...sometimes we don't even like each other very much either. But we are Family and we work very hard to overcome problems that come up and we put aside our differences and concentrate on those things that we all enjoy because we know we are blessed to be a Family. And when we get on each other's nerves...we give each other breathing space. We even have our share of disagreements and don't talk to each other until we get over our hurt. It's hard work keeping a Family close...especially when everyone has different work schedules, different opinions as to what we should all do together, etc. But in spite of how hard we have to work at having time together and forgiving each other's imperfections sometimes....we know we love each other and want to keep our Family together....not only for ourselves but so the grandkids will always know what Family means too. I need my Family...and I'm glad they need me too.
     
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  24. Cody Fousnaugh

    Cody Fousnaugh Very Well-Known Member
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    That's great, Babs. But, unfortunately, not all family members of every family in America, getting along and sometimes just don't want to. Sometimes, no matter how much space or love a person wants to give certain family members, those members just don't want to be part of the family any more.

    My wife's family is basically much closer than mine. A lot of my relatives I never met. I have nieces and nephews I have never met and they never ask their dad (my 1/2 brother) about me. And, actually, I have no real interest in meeting them either. Just the way my family is.

    A lot of folks would love to have a "loving" family, but many do not for whatever reasons. It unfortunate and sad, but just the way it is.
     
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  25. Babs Hunt

    Babs Hunt Veteran Member
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    Family doesn't have to be made up of your siblings, children, etc. Family are those who love you and want to have a close relationship with you and you with them. Oft times as we get older and live far away from blood relatives.. our families do become friends and even our "fur babies." And every Family's relationships, etc. are different from someone else's. This is life and reality. All around us are lonely people who would love to be part of a family and they could be if everyone would just reach out to each other and open their hearts to each other too.

    I know I am blessed but I also believe that if we just open our hearts we all can have Family.
     
    #75
    Last edited: Aug 21, 2017
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