That's what we commonly called it.......the use of hidden innuendoes, double-meanings, or references made about others, during their absence from the conversation. I'm as guilty as the next guy, but always have tried to assess and re-work my failings, and do not believe I ever had harmful intent. I believe the attitude was an outgrowth of the prevailing hypocritical attitudes ever-present in the Chicago area, when I was growing up. It's still evident in my hometown's forum, berwyntalk.com, which I was once quite active on. Oops! Are we not to mention another forum? No competition, that's for dead certain! Have you ever thought about the fact you might be thinking cynically from time to time? Frank
In the 20th chapter of Exodus, we have what is called "The Ten Commandments". Thou shalt not kill is one of them which is also translated to thou shalt not murder. When one practices back biting or gossip about another person, is it not a form of murder or killing someone? Do we have to draw blood in order to kill someone or can we do it figuratively by ruining another person's character? I was taught early in life that if you cannot say something directly to someone but instead must rely on "shooting them in the back," then it is time to close the overworked loaded orifice with which we use to communicate and re-evaluate our own existence. Yes, I do honestly have a bit of cynicism about some people, but I do try to keep it to myself and allow the person to demonstrate their character for all to see. I do not have to be the judge, jury and executioner of what others do because there are enough judges around without adding myself into the mix. Tis better to be thought of as a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.
My mind is always spinning when I'm at work and it's often not positive thoughts. My mother said there is a saying in German that translates to "your thoughts are your own" If I said what I was thinking a lot I wouldn't have a job. Sometimes I've thought I'm not cruel enough to tell some people what I think of them. I've had a few trusted co-workers over the years who I could talk sh*t to, often about other people. Sometimes you just need to vent. But I knew that conversation would go no further. Now I work with a few that really should shut up but they don't.
Here, we call that bad mouthing somebody behind their back. I learned very early that that was not a good idea. The hard way. There is always somebody eager to carry your words back to the person you were bad mouthing.
@Kitty Carmel Finding such folks, I learned early-on, is a daunting task, no matter the rank of the individual doing the "telling". Truly trustworthy individuals are hard for me to find, and should be held fast to, once found. Frank
I agree Frank. Unfortunately those people I used to work with moved, got other jobs, or I did and we have lost contact. I do stay in contact now with a nurse who was injured on the job by a fall. She is older than me and we have some good conversations on the phone from time to time. At the job I have been at since the end of June last year, I essentially don't trust or just don't know most of the people. It's not a good feeling. But I'm part time right now and hoping that will last and I stay on the schedule.
When I was out in the public sector where things like this often happen and I found out someone was talking about me behind my back I often went up to that person and told them I would much rather they say those things to my face instead of behind my back. Now days I don't really care if someone is talking behind my back or not...life is to short to let something like that bother me now. I know not everyone is going to like me no matter what I do or say...that's just the way life is.