An Embarrassing Occasion

Discussion in 'Tall Tales & Fabrications' started by Bill Boggs, Feb 22, 2018.

  1. Bill Boggs

    Bill Boggs Veteran Member

    May 13, 2015
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    I’m a purchasing manager for an irrigation manufacturing company. We’re opening a new plant in a small town in western Kansas. The plant is a big deal for the community. We will hire twenty-five or so employees from the area which is always a big deal for any small community. There is a grand opening next Thursday night. Certain City and County officials have been invited as guest of our new plant manager as well as a number of area ranchers and large land owners. It is common knowledge that our company attorney will be the speaker for this event. He is also my boss.

    On a Tuesday prior to his departure for Kansas He walks into my office and says to me if I have any plans for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday, cancel them. He said he had to be in court on Thursday and Friday and would like me to fill in for him at the open house Thursday night. He said the plant manager is having a little get together at the country club Thursday afternoon prior to the open house so it might be a good idea for you to be up there in time to meet a few people before the open house. He said I think you know Jack Campbell, the plant manager, he’ll fill you in on any details you need to know. Thanks, I appreciate it. I didn't.

    I arrived in Kansas and found the country club at two-thirty. Jack was having g a party for invited guest and it was well under way. I walked into this huge room where about twenty-five couples were engaging in conversation and sipping some of the good stuff. I looked around for Jack Campbell. I didn’t see him but did see a makeshift bar at the far end of the room. I turned and started that way when a lady walked up beside me, grabbed me by the arm and whispered,

    “Are you Bill from Big D?”

    “Afraid I’m guilty,” I said.

    She squeezed my arm and said, “Good. Jack asked me to look out for you. My name is Lucy. Walk me to the bar, you can buy me a drink. I’ll introduce you to all the right people here. You might smile at me once in a while in case anyone is watching.”

    As I soon found out, Lucy and her brother were two of the largest land owners in the county and Lucy
    owned property on both sides the Kansas and Nebraska border. And she did know everybody. She introduced me to the mayor and his wife, the county judge and his bride, to the city attorney, who was single, I met two of the largest rancher in the area, four farmers who grew thousands of acAttorney. I finally caught up to Jack after we had exchanged pleasantries and he assured me I was in good hands.

    Jack said, “ After the open house tonight we’re having a little party out at my place, Just a few guests and I want to show you my new house.”

    At four-thirty the gathering started breaking up. Such suggested we go stand out front. Some of the people might want to speak briefly with you. We stood out front and looked out on the garden that surrounded a small putting tee with one hole in its center. I was a beautiful setting, an green oasis with six steps leading down to side walks that circled the putting green and led out to the parking lot. Everyone was coming out behind us.

    We started down the steps, when I sneezed. I opened my eyes to see my upper dentures hit the bottom step and bounce across the sidewalk and onto the putting green and rolled straight at the hole. Sixty people standing around and behind got a good view of my denture bouncing and rolling toward the hole.

    I said to Lucy, “Excused me” and I stepped down the step smartly and onto the putting green while God and everyone else watched me retrieve my rolling plate, six inches the hole. Total silence from behind; embarrassment overwhelmed me. I was glad my back was to everyone else my red face would also have been on display. Lucy appeared at my side and said,

    “Don’t let them see you sweat, kid.”

    I dusted off my teeth with a handkerchief I always carried inside my jacket, stuck the denture back in my mouth then burst out laughing,

    “You’re something else, Lucy, handy as a pocket on a shirt.”

    She laughed, too and walked me to my car and said, We’re glad to have you guys in our community

    “Don’t you give that another thought. Everyone likes you. I’ll see you tonight.”


    None of the equipment had been installed in the plant. It all sat in an adjunct warehouse. A deck had been built for a stage, a small band was softly playing. I didn’t realize so many people would attend. Several hundred folding chairs filled the center area with hors d' oeuvres on tables on the side lines everywhere. A podium was front and center on the stage.

    On stage were the Mayor, County Judge, City Attorney, the president of the Chamber of Commerce, the School Superintendent, the plant manager, and a chair for the company’s head buyer.

    Jack introduced all the dignitaries then the Mayor gave a short speech and then Jack introduced me. My knees felt weak, I was hoping my voice would not tremble. I had some notes in my inside jacket pocket but my mind went blank. I stood before the podium and started to reach for my notes when suddenly the entire crowd rose to their feet and started applauding. I thought what happened, did I miss something?

    It was then the president of the Chamber of Commerce stepped up beside.

    He said, “The plant manager has told me how modest Bill is. Bill demonstrated that at a get together this afternoon. At our putting green Bill would have made a hole in one, except he stooped down and picked it up before it could fall in the hole. That’s modesty!”

    Again, I tried to hide my embarrasment.

    Everyone just roared clapped. He continued, “After this shindig is over I’m going to asked Bill if he’ll stay around long enough to give me golf lessons. And…I’d like to know who his dentist is.”

    Everyone roared and clapped again and the ice was broken. It seemed word gets around in a small tgown. I talked for about twenty minutes and asked if there were any questions. There were several which I fielded with ease. One last question was shouted out. A tall blonde fella in the back said, We have the same last name. I want to talk to you.

    I yelled back, “Okay, you got it,” and told everybody what they already knew, refreshments were on the side lines. Help yourselves and enjoy the evening.

    Some would say all is well that ends well.
    Last edited: Feb 22, 2018
  2. Gloria Mitchell

    Gloria Mitchell Very Well-Known Member

    Mar 18, 2017
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    True story or a joke Bill...either way...way to go !
    Yvonne Smith likes this.
  3. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Greeter
    Moderator Registered

    Jan 21, 2015
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    Loved it.
  4. Shirley Martin

    Shirley Martin Veteran Member

    Jun 9, 2015
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