Now, to be totally honest, this is something I don't even want to think about, but after reading an article online about it and from knowing what two ladies/high school classmates have done since losing their husbands, I was very curious about it. I know there will be some time of mourning over the death, but after that, the other spouse could start traveling and having fun. Yes, having fun. If the spouse who died, did so due to serious health problems and those health problems could have stopped the couple from traveling and/or having a good time doing other things. In the online article I read, the writer (a PhD in Physiology/Couples Therapy), said that there will be a time for "mourning", but after that, she recommends travel and having a good time.........sort of like "Party Time"! I know, by what they have posted on Facebook, the two ladies sure seem to had, and continue to have, a good time traveling, etc. The one lady visited Idaho, Wyoming, Colorado and the Grand Canyon. She is now in Las Vegas with her one daughter. Her husband died early last year of Emphysema/years of smoking cigs (she said). She took care of him for a number of years. The other lady lost her husband to a serous health problem as well. That happened a number of years ago and she seems totally happy with her life. She travels to south/eastern Florida a couple of times a year to be with friends and enjoy the beach (none of that in Indiana) and is very active in other things. I don't necessarily know what to think about all this "fun" after a spouse passes on, but I guess that is what Therapists highly recommend..........after the "mourning" period that is. I honestly don't know if I could "have fun" or just try very hard not to get into a deep state of depression. I love my wife so much, I just wouldn't know how to handle her not with me. Your thoughts.
I think I would keep doing pretty much what I've been doing, although it would be much more difficult. I don't even know the passwords to much of what I'd need to know in order to pay bills, access bank accounts, etc. I have a few things that I regularly pay, but my wife takes care of most of that. I would still have the cats to take care of, which would rule out most traveling, and I don't really have enough money to do much of that, anyhow.
When my husband died I traveled but mostly to visit family. I took care of the finances in my marriage so I continued with that. Beside missing my soulmate and companion what I missed and still do are the handy man type of things that my husband could do. Now it's all on me, I do what I can. I don't have my family nearby. My daughter is the closet...about a 3 hour drive one way. Rest are scattered all over, Illinois, Colorado, New Jersey and Connecticut.
At first it is a matter of feeling like you died too, and in a way, this is true. You will never be that person again. From the day your spouse dies, your life 'must' change, and you have no choice in the matter. You will look around you and see that the world is still moving on as if nothing has happened, and your still part of it. If you have family, it is important that the responsibilities you have toward them are there, and that you need to fulfill them as best you can, even through your pain. Wether you have a family, job, or whatever you must find a new path to move forward on. If you can afford it, travel is good, but so is a day trip in the car. The idea is for you to be able to see that the world is still worth living in, and that just maybe there is still a place for you in it. As for the 'mourning period', forget the period. Mourning doesn't go away, it just changes over time. Now that doesn't mean you can't start another life in which maybe you can find some more happiness. In fact it is a must, or why go on? My biggest problem was that my family was my life, and I ended up the last one standing. So I must build a totally new world for myself, and I have decided that to do that at my local VA hospital, in the No Veteran Dies Alone unit. I need to make a difference.