24/7 Recently Moved In Son The Caretaker Is Asked To Pay Rent

Discussion in 'Family & Relationships' started by kingsman, Dec 25, 2017.

  1. kingsman

    kingsman New Member
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    I am a 55 yr old male, a year ago, moved in with my 57 yr old sister and my 79 yr old mother, to help my sister take care of my mom. I learned quickly that my sister is not taking care of my mom-So I take on the daily tasks, making moms meals, Clean up after mom, Oversee taking her medications, driving mom to/from Doctors, Shopping, etc., Making appointments, Interact with nurses and doctors that come to the house etc Watch TV with her and keep her company. Mom has type 2 diabetes, a hole in her lower chest (result from a car accident, my sister was driving) An on-going Internal Infection, suffers from Depression, and cannot walk on her own for more than 4 steps.
    The problem is my sister, The homeowner, states I am living there rent-free (I Sleep on the couch, Buy my own food, do laundry once a week, Shower 3X week) and is demanding I pay rent, My mom pays all the bills for the house, and mom is not asking me to pay rent.
    A Personal Care Aide earn an average $11.00 an hour, Should I submit a bill to my sister? Do not know what to do
     
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  2. Patsy Faye

    Patsy Faye Veteran Member
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    Hi there, does your sister 'own' the house ? If so, have a talk with her and make the points you have here.
    In a reasonable manner, you may just make her 'see'
    If your Mother owns it, your sister has no right to ask for rent
     
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  3. Ken Anderson

    Ken Anderson Veteran Member
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    If your sister owns the house, then she probably has the right to decide who lives there and what they might have to pay. The treatment of your mother is another matter, but it is likely not something that can be decided with a he-says, she-says type of argument.
     
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  4. Frank Sanoica

    Frank Sanoica Very Well-Known Member
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    Commonly-encountered neglect of the elderly. Her last few years, my Mother chose to live within walking distance of my sister, in Illinois. She did that because my and my wife's lives were then in a state of turmoil. My Mother lived alone in a small apartment, had been rather sick and my niece, then 16, was staying with her overnight. At about 4 or 5 AM, my Mother began hemorrhaging internally, evident by it coming forth. Niece called her own mother, my sister, for advice and help. None was forthcoming, niece called 911, my Mother bled to death on the way to the hospital.

    After the fact, I asked why my sister did not respond in any way. Her answer to me was "It was dark outside". My niece's answer was, "She was too drunk to respond".

    There you have vividly displayed one of the many facets of a dysfunctional family.
    Frank
     
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  5. kingsman

    kingsman New Member
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    Dear Frank

    Thank you, for you are so True - Sincerely sorry for your loss--It is in this area that I am trying to prevent, Hoping that I do not have a similiar situation as you stated.

    I have to stay and work around the conflict, and hope not to lose my temper along the way, cause if I leave, I will have the same kind of story.

    Bless you Frank and Happy Holidays to you and family
     
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  6. Frank Sanoica

    Frank Sanoica Very Well-Known Member
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    @kingsman
    I thank you for replying, especially in view of the fact that my experience could perhaps follow parallel results in your own. We each all resolve our personal conflicts in ways which we see as best-served. In my case, it happened long ago, 1986. But not to be forgotten, either. Since then, my sister, after a lifetime of claims that she had been "cheated" because our folks sold my wife & I the house I was born in for "less than it was worth". Over the ensuing years I was reprimanded many times, even queried as to when "will that money be paid back"?

    The final deliberations took place in the very hospital my sister had been born in 65 years earlier. She lay on her deathbed there, in suburban Chicago, her two sons, my nephews there, having travelled from AZ and KS, and as I turned to leave, with return air ticketing to AZ, my sister called me back to her bedside. She said, "Good-bye, Frank, and grasped my hand." I said, "Now, I'll be seeing you back at home soon". She had never before in my lifetime taken my hand. Did she know, feel somehow, during that moment, that a scant hour later, as I walked to board my flight back to Phoenix, my name would be called, my wife in AZ was on the line, my sister was dead.

    The sister alienated from me during our entire adult lifetime, over issues of MONEY. Her second-born, my nephew Mike, now 66, retired from many years of advising students in Flagstaff, AZ, at both Northern Arizona University and Coconino Community College, relives many of those early experiences when we get together. He and I are close, as his brother, Dan and I once were, even closer. MONEY, came between Dan & I, his new spendthrift wife buying him into the poorhouse.

    Thus, further descriptive notation of a highly dysfunctional family operation, which over 40 or more years of such dithering, STILL cannot meet up face to face. Frank
     
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  7. Sheldon Scott

    Sheldon Scott Very Well-Known Member
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    Medicare will probably pay you as caretaker for your mother if she qualifies and it sounds like she would. Of course your sister might try to claim she is the caretaker. Youi might quietly check with medicare and/or your mother's doctor.

    The rent situation is a tough one. Is your sister charging your mother rent?
     
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  8. Von Jones

    Von Jones Very Well-Known Member
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    @kingsman
    Okay, here are some options:

    (1) Pay your sister or
    (2) Find a place close by to continue caring for your mother by making arrangements with your sister.

    To consider anything else would only cause dissention between you and your sister losing sight of caring for your mother.
     
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  9. Nancy Smith

    Nancy Smith New Member
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    I'm unclear on your living arrangement. Is the house your sister's house or your mother's house or is it being rented from someone else?

    If your mother owns the house, your sister has no right to tell you to pay anything.
    If someone else owns the house, read the contract to see if it stipulates that additional people must pay to live in the house.
    If your sister owns the house, you should pay her, but have a discussion about getting paid to take care of your mother if your sister manages her money.

    Lastly, you need to sleep on a bed and take care of yourself. Neglecting your health for another ends up with your health declining and being unable to help others.
     
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  10. Kitty Carmel

    Kitty Carmel Well-Known Member
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    Can you and your mother move out? If your mother has no assets she may qualify for low income housing. There are even two bedroom units. That would be a good way to get away from your sister and stick it to your sister who I am sure is enjoying your mothers income. In my state family can get paid for taking care of a dependent family member. I'd try to get out of that house and away form your sister. This is not a good environment.
     
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